I tried, closing my eyes as the walls lurched around me. I staggered across to the crib and picked up Liam. His eyes fluttered open, then closed again. His cheeks already looked hollow and sunken. I made a supreme effort and spooned a little of that broth into his mouth. He moved his tongue a little as if he liked the taste. I tried a little more, then put him to the breast. He sucked a few times before falling back to sleep. I hoped this was a good sign. God knows I needed some kind of good sign right now.
The ship continued to roll violently all day. We should have been arriving in Le Havre right now, I thought. I thought of Sid and Gus, awaiting my telegram to say that I was on my way to Paris. What if they worried and cabled Daniel, making him worry too? The thought of seeing them, of knowing I was in safe and capable hands, made me feel a little hope for the first time. By nightfall I tried a little bouillon and a small square of dry toast, then fell asleep.
The next morning I awoke to complete silence and darkness. It was so eerie that I experienced a moment’s panic, fearing that I had died and was in a coffin. “I’m alive!” I shouted and tried to stand up, banging my head against the top bunk. That, of course, brought me back to the reality of where I was. I felt my way across the room and turned on the electric light. Miss Pinkerton, still sleeping in the top bunk, groaned and raised her head. “What is going on?” she asked. “Ah, you’re standing. That’s a good sign. But it’s only five o’clock. Too early to get up yet.”
“We’re not rocking anymore,” I said. “And it’s so quiet.”
“That probably means we have docked in Le Havre,” she said. “I will put on my robe and go up on deck, if you like.”
She climbed down nimbly, put on her robe, and left the cabin. Liam slept on, which was rather alarming. I stood over his crib, watching him breathe, and finally couldn’t stand it any longer and gave him a little shake. He woke up instantly, looking around him with frightened, bewildered eyes. When he saw me he held out his arms and started to cry. Then vertigo overcame me again and I had to sit down, gathering what little strength I had before I could pick him up. I had just about managed to bring him over to my bunk when Miss Pinkerton appeared again.
“Good news. We are in port. They are just making fast the lines now. And it is daylight and not raining. In fact it promises to be a fine day. So how are you feeling?”
“Like a limp rag,” I said. “I still can’t stand up without the world spinning around.”
“Of course you can’t,” she said. “You’ve both been very ill. I have been concerned about you. And if you take my advice you will not attempt to travel anywhere today. Take a pension in Le Havre until you are both fit to resume your journey.”
“I’m being met by friends in Paris,” I said. “I’m sure they’ll take good care of me and know what is best.”
“But that child should be seen by a competent doctor as soon as possible. I didn’t like the look of the one on the ship. Never trust a man with big mustaches.”
I had to smile at this, the motion feeling strange and unpracticed after days of worry.
“I’m going to get dressed and then go up to breakfast,” she said. “I’ll have something sent down for you. What do you fancy?”
“I don’t think I could eat anything yet,” I said. “Maybe a cup of tea.”
“The French have no idea how to make proper tea,” she said. “But peppermint or chamomile might be good for you. And a boiled egg. That’s what you need. I’ll go up and order it. None of this nonsense about bread and jam for breakfast. I told them ‘We are Americans. We expect a hearty breakfast not this mamby-pamby nonsense.’”
As soon as she had left I staggered down the hall to the bathroom and attempted to wash. I had to lean against the wall to prevent myself from passing out, and only just made it back to the cabin. I washed and changed Liam and nursed him. He seemed a little more interested but horribly weak, like me. Then I took a clean dress from the closet and was going to change out of my nightclothes when I was overcome with nausea and dizziness again and had to lie down. At that moment there was a tap on the door and the steward entered with a tray containing a pot of tea, a boiled egg, and toast. The tea was weak and slightly scented, made in the French manner, but for now that suited me just fine. I sipped at it, then dipped the toast in the boiled egg. I was going to finish it when I decided to try some for Liam. He sucked away with enthusiasm at this new flavor so I gave the rest of the yolk to him, then ate a few spoonfuls of white myself. This gave me just enough energy to take my clothes from the closet ready for repacking and I was dressed with my hair up when Miss Pinkerton returned.