“I’m sorry you had to go through such misery,” Frances said, now understanding why he had awakened in such a frightened state, what horrible nightmares he must have. Did Johnny have nightmares like that? Seth had been in a union prison and Johnny in a Confederate prison, but their complaints were the same. And their hatred of their captors was equally strong.
Frances sucked in her breath. What had she said to Johnny? The same held true for Seth. “Wouldn’t you rather forget the unhappiness and get rid of the anger and the hurt?” she asked. “Can’t you put the past aside and think about the future instead?”
“No matter. It’s over now,” Seth said. “I’m goin’ home to Missouri.”
“To your parents?” Frances asked.
“No. My parents died while I was away. I’ve made plans to join my older brothers.”
A strange look came into his eyes, and he turned his head.
“Do they farm?”
Startled, Seth looked back at Frances. “Farm?”
“Your brothers. Are you going to be a visiting preacher, riding from town to town on Sundays and farming during the week? Is that what you plan to do after you join your brothers?”
He sat back. “Have you seen some of the Missouri farms that were burned out? Crops and livestock stolen? Everything gone?”
“The land can be reclaimed,” Frances said. “Houses can be rebuilt.”
Suddenly shedding his dark mood, Seth seemed to relax. “Let’s talk about you. Are you goin’ to be a teacher all your life? Or could it be you’ve got your heart set on bein’ a farm wife, risin’ before dawn to feed the chickens and hogs?”
Frances felt her face grow warm. “I—I haven’t given my future much thought.”
“Maybe you should,” he said. “Maybe there’s a far different future out there for you—a much more excitin’ one.”
“Seth,” Frances said, “it’s getting late. We both need our sleep.”
Seth smiled. “Then sleep well. I’ll see you in the mornin’.” He rose and silently strode down the aisle.
Seth and Johnny, Frances thought. The same bitterness, the same hatred of those who hurt them, the same inability to let go of the past and move forward. If there had been no war, what would Seth have been like? Would he have laughed easily? Planned for a joyful future? Hoped to be a good husband and father? Like Johnny? Like the Johnny I once knew?
Frances tucked her journal away under the seat, then folded her jacket to use as a pillow. She rested her head against the jacket and closed her eyes. There was so much to think about … so much to do.…
A cry brought her to her feet, and she struggled down the aisle to where Lizzie and Mary Beth sat. The younger girl was upright, fists against her eyes, tears running down her cheeks.
“Mama!” Lizzie sobbed.
Frances scooped her up, murmured against the softness of her baby-fine curls, and carried her back to her seat. With her arms wrapped around the baby, who snuggled contentedly against her, Frances fell asleep.
She dreamed of Johnny. In her dream, he was on a train, traveling farther and farther away from her. She held out her arms and cried out to him to come back, but Seth stepped between them and Johnny didn’t return.
10
A SMEAR OF PALE GRAY predawn light seeped into the car, waking Frances. She tucked Lizzie crosswise on the seat to finish her slumbers. Then she slipped into the small necessity at the end of the car to wash her face and brush her hair. As soon as it was coiled and anchored with combs on top of her head, Frances prepared to care for the children, some of whom were beginning to awaken.
Seth stepped to her side and smiled at her. “What can I do to help you?” he asked.
Pleased by his offer, Frances smiled in return. “According to the schedule I was given, we’ll have a depot stop soon,” she said. “There’ll be a great deal to accomplish in a very short time.”
He glanced at the hairbrush in her hand, and his smile stretched into a grin. “Don’t ask me to help with the hair bows and such. I’d be lost.”
Frances laughed. “Then we’ll find you another job.”
He raised a finger to tuck a stray wisp of her hair into place, but Frances stepped away, her face growing warm. “You surprise me, Reverend Diller,” she said. “You are being much too familiar with me.”
“I apologize, Miss Kelly,” he answered. “I don’t mean any harm.”
Aggie, her hair a tousled mop, sleepily staggered up the aisle, coming to a stop in front of Frances. She stared at Seth suspiciously. “I’m ready to help,” Aggie said.