Christmas with Her Ex(32)

Belts undone, underwear discarded and suddenly everything slowed again and the remaining clothes were lost.

Time itself stopped as they gazed into each other’s eyes, and in the background, intermittently, the lights from railway crossings painted them red and then green—and then silver in the snow light while they held each other tight.

Then he sank to sit on the bed, pulled her to kneel between his knees, spanned her waist with his long slender fingers, and inexorably pulled her closer.

This was a Connor she hadn’t seen. Grey eyes dark and burning into hers, his hands and mouth sure and possessive, no hurry but no hesitation in steering them to the conclusion neither of them could now contemplate avoiding as she sank downwards.

They both gasped as she lowered, teased, hovered until Connor’s hands tightened and she was brought inexorably onto him—all with the sway of the train—a slow and exultant joining, and together they scaled their own mountain as the train sped on through the night.

Afterwards, Connor lay stunned by the storm that had erupted between them, overwhelmed by the connection with the woman he’d always loved. But where was his clarity and responsibility and plain good sense? That was the very core of his mantra to remain in control of his world. That litany had kept him sane from a time when everything had seemed lost at a very young age.

Kelsie made him lose that essential part of his being. Nobody else did. Reason and logic went out the window when he was around her. Look at the fiasco it had been when he’d tried to marry her as a teenager.

He should have been thankful one of them had had the good sense to back away if this tornado was what happened.

And now, when he was far too old to behave like an impulsive, libido-driven teen, he had used no protection. Let alone that he was too well known across Europe to go creeping around train carriages at night for assignations with beautiful midwives.

He couldn’t bear the thought of a newspaper story on Kelsie, and already there was a risk of one of the passengers noticing with the obvious rumours of a baby having been born.

God, he was a fool. But first he needed to sort the contraception. All the while in the back of his head a voice was saying that none of those things mattered. He just wanted to lose himself again. And again. And what if he was lost in this and she wasn’t!

Sandwiched together in Kelsie’s tiny bed, her head on his chest, Kelsie lay in stunned disbelief. She squeezed the strong fingers curled in hers and for the first time she understood why she had never been able to fall in love. Why there had never been any magic with other men.

Connor.

The deep, protected core of her heart had always belonged to the boy she remembered and now this gorgeous, sexy, fabulous man.

She snuggled in further, felt the glow that surrounded them both, and knew she would never be the same.

She was a different person from the woman who had stepped in such a carefree way onto this train from the canals of Venice.

The problem now was that she felt the fragility of finding something so special. That awareness of the rise and fall of the precious chest beneath her cheek and even the flutter of fear should the day come when it would disappear. How crazy was that?

It was as if a huge beacon of light had finally been switched on and she danced like a wraith in the glow. She’d given up long ago thinking that she would feel this way—had, in fact, felt quite proud she was immune to being dependent on a man for happiness.

Now she just wanted to lose herself in his eyes again, see the man she could finally admit could be the one to spend her life with, but it was too hard with her nose buried in his chest.

Her brain began to function again and with it came fear. Would she lose this, too?

They didn’t have long but they had some time when they arrived in London. Not much chance of a future with them on opposite sides of the world but that was for later.

No hurry, the rational part of herself reminded her, they wouldn’t arrive until late in the afternoon. She should just savour this moment for as long as she could. Maybe even till dawn. Or was she just imagining he felt the same?

Fear gnawed away at her. She needed to know Connor’s thoughts and turned her head but couldn’t see his face from this angle. He was strangely silent, though he held her in their tiny cocoon.

Finally she had to probe. Quietly. ‘Are you okay?’

His hand tightened. She heard the smile in his voice when he answered. ‘I’m supposed to ask you that.’

She stretched her toes and rubbed his ankle under the sheets. ‘I’m feeling wonderful.’

‘I’m glad. But we have to talk.’

She snuggled in. About… ? And waited with anticipation. Christmas in London? They’d already discussed the past. Was it time to talk about the future?