Christmas with Her Ex(19)

He shrugged. Took a sip and put his glass down. ‘Feel free.’

Kelsie ignored that. ‘I am sorry I was a coward, Connor. But I had second thoughts about getting married to you.’

He laughed with a tiny bitter twist of his lips. ‘Obviously.’

He wasn’t being helpful and she could feel her temper slip a little. This wasn’t easy but it had been a long time ago and he didn’t need to be sarcastic.

‘It didn’t help that you were so sure about it that I knew if I expressed any doubts you’d just sweep them away.’

He nodded judiciously. ‘Ah. So it’s my fault.’

She frowned. ‘No. I said I’d come and I didn’t. That was my fault and I apologise for hurting you. I was a coward for not telling you my reasons on the day but I was very young. I really should have told you why.’

He leaned back in his chair and studied her face and she refused to look away. Let him look his fill. She was no shrinking violet now.

‘So why did you leave me standing on the steps of the registry office fifteen years ago?’

This was the hard part. But he deserved the truth. ‘We were too young. And I didn’t think I was the best thing for you at that time.’

He shrugged. ‘Perhaps. I obviously had no say in the matter. I can certainly see now that maybe you were too young.’

The comment held a tinge of mockery that raised her temper another notch. ‘But not too young to see I was going from one controlling relationship straight into another.’

Connor felt the words go right through him. Like someone had just knifed his hand to the table and he couldn’t move. ‘That’s not true. I was all about making sure you were safe. I wanted to look after you. Be there for you.’

She shook her head and her hair slid like a cap from side to side. ‘I wasn’t strong enough for you then, Connor. You organised everything. You organised me. Dressed me. You railroaded me when I wasn’t sure we were doing the right thing. I was in the train coming to you before I realised it was a little too close to home. Too like the way my father had treated my mother before she left. The way he treated me. As if I didn’t have a brain of my own. Wasn’t responsible for anything. I didn’t want us to end up like that.’

It was her turn to shrug. ‘So I got cold feet.’ And the air between them was getting colder too. There was no curve to his lips now. No smile in his eyes. She’d hurt him again and she hadn’t intended that.

Connor had a sudden memory of his grandmother telling him he was too carefully organised. Bossy, even. It wasn’t true. If you didn’t make sure things were done a certain way then bad things happened. He’d learnt that early on in life. In the worst possible way.

‘I think you had it wrong. I only wanted what was best for you,’ he said quietly.

She spread her hands. ‘You’re entitled to think that. But I still think I was right. I should have confronted you on the day, I know that. Only I was too scared you’d sweep my fears away. But I am sorry I hurt you.’

You don’t look sorry enough, Connor thought bitterly. ‘Well, thanks for that.’

She stood up. At least it saved him doing it. Clearly, this conversation was only going to deteriorate from here.

‘My pleasure,’ she said, and internally he winced. Their little talk hadn’t turned out quite how he’d hoped.

She looked down at her barely touched glass. ‘Thanks for the drink. Enjoy the rest of the trip with your gran.’

She walked away, her dignity intact, and he wondered just how close she’d been to losing her temper. He had a sudden thought that she might have been very close to an explosion. He’d have liked to have seen that and maybe then they would have been on an even footing.

But Connor felt incredibly hard done by and actually quite wild on his own part. So it had been his fault for not listening when she’d had second thoughts about getting married? Well, if he’d realised just how cold her feet had been he would have listened. He wasn’t a mind reader.

He’d been a romantic! He’d arranged flowers and chocolates for after the wedding back at their flat. A bottle of champagne he’d been unable to afford in the fridge because he’d thought she might need a glass before they made love for the first time. He’d wanted everything to be perfect for her.

And she’d said he was too organised! But someone had to be. Didn’t they?

He downed his beer and picked up her gin and tonic. It tasted disgusting but he drank it anyway. Well, she was no immature girl now. She was fair game. So game on!

Half an hour later, as they entered Austria, Connor saw Kelsie sweep off the train in Innesbruck. Her long scarf trailed behind her as she strode up the platform and he decided a breath of fresh air would be just the thing.