"I will always put us first," she said softly. "I've learned my lesson. My job was a crutch for me before. I can see that now. If I didn't let myself be vulnerable, if I always had a backup plan, you could never hurt me like my father hurt my mother. But I've finally realized you can't protect yourself against hurt. To hurt is to be human. And while it might be painful sometimes, you are what makes me feel alive, Coburn. It doesn't scare me to admit it anymore, because I trust in what we've built. But that doesn't mean I'm ready to give up my identity. I'm a surgeon. I need it like I need to breathe. It's who I am."
"I know." His gaze darkened. "Everything you said on Friday night was true. I have been crazed about your job. I have been completely unreasonable. It's part of what happened to me as a child. When you are continually deprived of affection, you learn not to expect it from your relationships. When I let myself fall in love with you, I went to the other extreme. I had to be the center of your world. I had to know I was the most important thing to you. And when you put your job first, it made me nuts."
"I shouldn't have done that," she conceded huskily, something piercing deep inside her as she finally explored the inside of her husband's psyche. "I made many mistakes with us, all based in fear. But I won't let that rule me again, no matter how scared I get. We are too important."
He captured her hand in his, lacing his fingers through hers, his eyes glittering with a depth of emotion that stole what remained of her composure. "I want you to take the fellowship."
She stared up at him, her heart thumping in her chest. "Are you sure?"
His mouth tilted up at one corner. "What choice do I have? My wife is a superstar."
"It won't be easy."
"No," he agreed. "It won't. But we will make it work."
Warmth infused her insides, the beginning of a happiness she knew this time she didn't have to fear. "I went to see Frank this afternoon. He's agreed to defer the fellowship for a year. That gives me time with the baby and for us to find a great nanny."
He nodded. "Okay."
The assurance written across his face that they could negotiate this, that they could negotiate anything that came their way, sent a light-headed wave of relief through her. She went up on tiptoe to kiss him, but this time he was the one to pull away, clasping her hands tight in his. "I want to start over in every way, Diana, beginning with the truth about how I feel about you."
Her breath jammed in her throat. She could do nothing but hang on tight to his hands as he looked at her, his gaze steady and sure. "When I said I was over a smart mouth and a great body that night at Tony and Annabelle's party, it was a lie I was telling myself so that maybe someday I could get over you. So that maybe someday another woman would walk into my life and I would love her with the same mindless passion I felt for you. But deep down I knew that would never happen, that I could never love another woman like I loved you.
"When you showed up at that party, I wanted to hate you. I gave myself one last night to erase you from my brain. Cathartic sex, I told myself. But all it did was make me realize how madly in love I still was with you. With the woman I was divorcing the next day.
"I tried to hurt you. I thought by driving you away I'd never be tempted to beg you to come back. But then I couldn't sign those divorce papers. Knowing you were walking into a war zone made me crazy. And that's when I knew I was in trouble."
Her stomach knotted. "You were such a bastard in that meeting."
"I was severely conflicted. Then I found out you had conceived our child and left without telling me. I wanted to wring your neck. I told myself coming after you was all about the baby. But part of me couldn't deny wanting to keep you. Wanting to hold on to the one thing I'd always wanted and could never have."
"When all along I loved you." Heat stung her eyes, blurring her vision.
His hands tightened around hers. "I behaved like a barbarian. I told myself I was calling the shots. But it was all about controlling my feelings for you. Refusing to allow any sign of weakness, because then you might destroy me again."
Her throat tightened. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left. If I could do it all over again, I would deal with my insecurities so differently."
"You were the one with the courage to tell me how you felt. That night you told me you loved me I wanted so badly to say it back to you. But I needed to be sure when I said it I meant it. I needed to know I could open my heart to you completely again, that all the bitterness I'd harbored toward you was gone."
"When did you know?"
"The morning of my big board meeting. I was going to tell you at the benefit, then Moritz knocked me sideways." His gaze held hers. "If there's anything we need to keep sacrosanct, it's the honesty. Even when we know it's going to be painful. It's the glue that will hold us together."
"I know," she whispered. "I promise that to you, Coburn."
Something passed between them then, a promise that this time they would do this differently. That this time they were inviolate.
He let go of her hands, pulled a small velvet box from his jacket pocket and flipped it open. She had to blink to take in the full brilliance of the diamond eternity band sparkling like white fire in the light of a hundred candles.
"I once said that sometimes love isn't enough," he said softly. "I was wrong. Love is everything for us, Diana. It always has been."
A lone tear slipped down her face. Coburn's fingers tightened around hers.
"Be my wife again. Without reservation, with every dip and curve that comes with it."
She stood there frozen, knees wobbling, emotion storming through her. Then she shoved her hand at him. Coburn slid the ring on her finger to sit flush against her wedding band. "Lose it down a sink," he growled, "and you pay."
She curved her fingers around his nape and brought his mouth down to hers. "I love you," she whispered against his mouth. "Too much."
He kissed her until she was utterly pliant and trembling under his hands. Then he stripped her with a deliberate, precise methodology that quickly left her naked in the candlelight. His predatory gaze softened, turned inquisitive as his fingers slid over the slight swell of her stomach. "It's not flat anymore. It's mind-boggling to think our baby is growing in there."
"You would know," she murmured, "if you were the one carrying him or her."
He dropped to his knees, curved his palms around her buttocks and replaced his hand on her stomach with his mouth. His lips moved reverentially over her smooth skin, as if treasuring every inch he discovered.
If she'd ever had any doubts as to whether he wanted this baby, he obliterated them now with his touch. "I will be a better father than mine," he said huskily against her skin. "I will be there for our child."
"I know that," she said softly, burying her hands in his thick, coarse hair. "I never doubted it for a second."
He nudged her legs apart then and idolized her in a very different, very carnal way. The diamonds sparkled on her hand as she twined her fingers around a chunk of his hair and moaned his name.
He took her apart with his wicked lips and tongue, as he'd always been able to do to every part of her. But this time, as he spread her out on the carpet, divested himself of his clothes and took her with a slow, sweet possession that brought tears to her eyes, there were no ghosts between them, no halves of either of them, only a full and complete union that could never be broken.
There wasn't a what-if left in her head as her husband carried her to bed and left her to extinguish the candles. Only what was to come. Their baby and a future that seemed as bright and limitless as the passion that bound them together.
* *
Keep reading for a bonus novella by Amanda Cinelli, CHRISTMAS AT THE CASTELLO!
‘THERE'S STILL SOMETHING MISSING.'
Dara stood poised at the top of the staircase, looking over the Winter Wonderland theme that had transformed the opulent grand ballroom below her. Her assistant, Mia, waited patiently by her side. The younger woman had long ago got used to her boss's obsessive eye for detail. Devlin Events was about creating perfect Sicilian weddings for their high-profile clients. Over the past three years Dara had gained an army of the industry's most talented people and put them onto her payroll, but she still liked to oversee the final run-throughs at their most prominent venues. There was no one in the industry who could spot the little things better than she. And right now something was off.
Sweeping yet another glance around the room, she mentally checked off twenty-five tables, each adorned with a glittering crystal tree centrepiece. The overall effect was like a winter forest, with white and blue lighting completing the wintry theme. Her bride, a famous opera singer, had expressly forbidden any real flower arrangements on the tables. She had instead ordered hundreds of spherical arrangements of fresh white and pink roses, to be suspended from the ceiling in intricately symmetrical clusters.