Christmas Nights(15)

Janie smiled softly watching them. Pansy had blended seamlessly into their lives. It felt like she’d been there much longer. She was Stella’s shadow most of the time.

“So you’re all set?” Janie asked.

Stella was already chewing on a bite of pancake. She nodded and mumbled her reply between bites. “All set.”

Janie jogged up the stairs and into her bedroom. After a quick shower, she returned downstairs to find her mother had pulled up a chair on the opposite side of the coffee table from Stella. Her mother stopped by frequently, so it wasn’t a complete surprise. They were engrossed in a game of Scrabble, which had become one of Stella’s favorite games.

Janie’s mother, Leslie, glanced up. “Hey hon, thought I’d stop by and check on you two. I brought coffee from Misty Mountain.” She gestured across the room to the kitchen counter.

Janie made a beeline to the counter and lifted a cup from the holder. “Thanks Mom!” She took a gulp of the rich brew and sighed. “So good.” She crossed back into the living room and sat carefully on the couch by Stella’s feet. She noticed Stella’s tray had been carted away and guessed her mom had taken care of it.

Stella quickly played a word and lifted a fist in triumph. “Seven letter word and fifty extra points! Oh, and I’m out of letters.”

Leslie grinned and gathered the tiles from the board before dumping them in the bag. “Remind me when your first recital is.”

“In three weeks. After Thanksgiving and before Christmas. I hope I don’t still have this thing on,” she paused to point to her bright pink cast. “But, it’ll be fun. You’re coming, right?” It didn’t matter that Janie’s mother had never missed a single concert of Stella’s, Stella always asked.

Leslie looked up as she put away the game board. “Of course! As if I’d ever miss one of your concerts.” Her hazel eyes were warm as she looked over at Stella.

Janie had inherited her dark brown hair and hazel eyes from her mother. Leslie’s hair was streaked with gray now, but her eyes were lively and snapping. Janie never stopped feeling relieved to see the joy in her mother again. It had taken a few years after Randy was successfully banished from their lives before her mother seemed to return to the woman she’d been before. Thinking about Randy made her mind skip tracks to Travis. Not because Travis was anything like Randy, but because no matter how good it felt to be with Travis, she always carried seeds of doubt about her judgment deep inside. She knew perfectly well how easy it was to be fooled. Randy hadn’t walked into her mother’s life and started knocking her around. It had been a gradual process of erosion in his behavior. He’d started out charming and ended up nearly destroying their lives. Janie still wondered if her mother ever would have gathered the courage to leave him if he hadn’t hurt her.

Travis is nothing like him. Nothing. Don’t even go there. She gave herself a mental shake. It was hard not to constantly doubt. After what she’d witnessed her mother go through, it didn’t seem worth the trouble to suss out who could be trusted. Instead, she built a life where she didn’t have to worry about being vulnerable.

“Mom?” Stella’s question broke through her thoughts.

She glanced to Stella. “Yeah?”

“I need to shower. Can you help me get up?”

Janie stood and held her hand out. She gave a gentle pull as Stella rose up. Once Stella was standing, Janie handed her crutches over. Stella gave a little wave and made her way to the stairs. Janie had to forcibly keep herself from following Stella to the stairs. Stella had gotten more and more nimble at making her way around with her crutches and resisted any help. Janie watched while she slowly navigated up the stairs. After she disappeared down the hall, Janie tidied the pillows on the couch and folded the throw blanket before sitting down.

Her mother smiled softly. “I bet you want to hold her hand through this whole thing.”

“Oh yeah. She won’t let me though, so I have to suck it up.”

“She’s doing great. I’m glad it’s not holding her back much.”

“Not at all. Once we got through the first few days and her pain eased, she’s been fine. She has her cranky moments, but she has those with or without a broken ankle.”

“That she does. I was thinking of taking her up to Anchorage with me for today and tomorrow. Is that okay?”

“Sure. You doing your usual holiday shopping run?”

“Of course. I need to beat the Thanksgiving rush. I booked a two-room suite, so she’ll have her own space. It’s still early, so I figure we have plenty of time to make the drive. Need anything?”

“Always. Hang on. I’ll write a list.” Janie strode to the refrigerator and tore a piece of paper off a small notebook mounted there. She quickly jotted down a list of groceries and a few gift items. After she handed the list over, she crossed her legs and leaned into the pillows. “Anything new?”

Leslie shook her head. “Nope. At sixty-five, a boring life works great for me.”

Janie rolled her eyes. “Mom, your life’s not boring. You volunteer for the hospital and the animal shelter, and you’re friends with the entire town. You have a much more exciting social life than I do.” Travis flashed through her mind again, but she batted him away.

Leslie grinned. “Maybe not. Rumor has it you’re seeing Travis Wilkes.”

Janie felt the blush race up her neck and face. “Seriously? Where did you hear that?”

“From Stella, so it’s not exactly gossip,” Leslie said pointedly. “Stella thinks he’s awesome.”

Janie grabbed her coffee for a big gulp and sagged into the cushions. Talking about Travis made her feel unsettled because she didn’t know what to do with her feelings. “I should’ve guessed.”

“Not that you need to hear it from me, but I’m glad you’re seeing someone. Travis seems like a nice guy too.”

Janie closed her eyes and took a breath. “He is a nice guy. I don’t know if it’s gonna go anywhere. I hope Stella’s not pinning her hopes on something big. It’s been a few dinners and that’s it.” She uncrossed and crossed her legs, restless at the emotions Travis stirred up inside. She looked over at her mother. “I don’t mean to bring up a bad subject, but I have to ask. Randy was nice at first, right? That wasn’t just my imagination, was it?”

Her mother closed her eyes for a long moment before opening them again. They held sadness and pain. “Of course, he was nice at first. But pretty early on, I knew he wasn’t who he seemed. I just didn’t know how to end things and by then, things started to go really bad. Honey, don’t let what happened with Randy make you question your own judgment. Travis is nothing like Randy. Nothing! You know that. Plenty of people in Diamond Creek know him and know him well.” Her mother angled her head to the side. “You have no idea how much I wish I’d had the strength to leave Randy once I started to get a sense of who he was. If I could have a chance to go back and change things, I would. I can’t, so all I can do is learn from it and go forward. I hope you don’t think the only lesson in it was not to trust any man.”

Janie’s throat was tight. She held her mother’s eyes and tried to keep from crying, but a tear rolled down her cheek anyway. She gave her head a sharp shake. “I don’t know why all this is coming up right now. It’s been so long. I thought…I guess I thought I was fine. This whole thing with Travis makes me feel like I’m not sure of anything.”

Her mother leaned forward, pinning her gaze on Janie. “You don’t doubt your judgment in any other part of your life, so don’t do it here. Give yourself a chance for once.”

Janie swallowed and took a deep breath. “Right. It just seems a lot easier not to worry about trying to find someone.”

Her mother shook her head slowly. “It’s one thing if you choose to be alone because that’s what you want. It’s another if the choice is a default option driven by fear. Your father was nothing like Randy. After he died, I was devastated and emotionally out of whack. If I’d been a little more together inside, I’d have seen Randy for who he was before he got too close. You have no idea how much I regret I didn’t have the strength to leave him before he hurt you, but I didn’t. I can’t fix that, but I’ll tell you over and over again that you deserve to have more if that’s what you want. The way you looked when I mentioned Travis tells me you probably do want a chance to at least see what might unfold. Don’t let fear take that away from you. That’s all I’m saying.”

Janie stared at her mother for a long moment and finally looked away, weary of the emotional confusion swirling inside. See, this is why it’s easier to just be alone. Yeah, but maybe I want to try something else. She looked out over the bay. Clouds were scudding across the sky with the wind ruffling the surface of the water. She looked back at her mother and shrugged. “I’m working on it. I…” She stopped when she heard the distinctive thump of Stella’s crutches on the hallway upstairs. “Let this go for now. Hang on, let me tell Stella you want to take her to Anchorage.” She stood and strode to the bottom of the stairs. “Gram wants to take you to Anchorage for the night. Wanna go?” she asked as Stella reached the top of the stairs and looked down.