Christakis's Rebellious Wife(64)

                ‘I thought I deserved it for not being the son she wanted.’

                Her hands linking round his waist, Betsy swallowed so hard that she hurt her throat. He was a man of steel forged in fire and she had never truly appreciated that. He was tough because he had had to be tough to survive, hard because he knew that weakness meant vulnerability and distrustful because too many people had let him down.

                ‘The abuse I suffered is the reason why I chose to have a vasectomy,’ Nik spelled out in a harsh undertone. ‘I didn’t want to have a child in case I too felt the same way my mother felt about me. I couldn’t bear to put a child through the same pain as I had suffered. However, I know that I am not like my mother and I decided that the vasectomy was an overreaction on my part.’

                His explanation was so simple and yet it rocked her where she stood for it had really never occurred to her that Nik might have had a very good reason to make that choice while he was still so young. She had thought only of more selfish and less presentable motivations relating to reluctance to have his freedom curtailed by the responsibility of becoming a parent. She pressed her rounded tummy to his big, powerful frame and leant against him. ‘You are a kind and caring man. I know that you will protect and cherish these babies with your life. You are nothing like your mother—don’t ever think you are,’ she breathed shakily.

                Nik closed his hand to her chin and tipped up her face to look down at her. ‘I was scared that when I told you the truth you would hate me for having got you pregnant—’

                ‘I could never hate you,’ Betsy whispered, wide azure eyes locked to his lean, darkly beautiful features. ‘I love you too much for that and I’ll love our children the same way...’

                His level black brows pleated, his stunning eyes glittering with surprise and curiosity below a fringe of luxuriant black lashes. ‘You’re saying you still love me? How is that possible?’

                ‘I never stopped. When I said you’d killed my love the day I threw you out, I was being a drama queen,’ Betsy confided guiltily. ‘I was angry but I didn’t mean it—’

                ‘Don’t say stuff like that to me,’ Nik advised, long brown fingers cradling her delicate jawbone. ‘I thought I’d lost you for ever. I went to see a therapist about the flashbacks and nightmares when they got worse,’ he admitted gruffly. ‘Being honest about my childhood lightened the load and helped me come to terms with it as an adult. I put it behind me. I just don’t look back...except where you’re concerned.’

                ‘And why am I different?’ Betsy prompted intently.

                ‘Because you’ve always inspired feelings inside me that nobody else does,’ Nik confessed. ‘But I didn’t realise what they were until it was almost too late. I know you weren’t happy when we were first married, but I was. Just having you in my life and my home was enough for me. Without you, everything went to hell and I was hopelessly unhappy.’

                Betsy rested up against him with a sigh of pleasure. ‘It was the same for me. I think we belong together.’

                ‘And I think missing you and wanting you and needing you all the time means that I love you,’ Nik confessed in a tone of self-derision. ‘I’m sorry it took me so long to work out that you make me happy but at least I got there in the end—’

                Betsy gazed up at him with wonder in her eyes. ‘You love me?’

                ‘Without you there’s nothing to look forward to,’ Nik admitted baldly. ‘Even the sound of your voice on the phone lifts me...’