A rush of guilt forces me to get myself in check when I hear the words I just said to her. Em’s never done this. I can’t lose control or I risk hurting her.
She pulls back and grabs my face as if sensing the regret and forces me to look down at her. “I want this, Ben. More than I want to breathe.” She grins as she repeats the words I told her a week ago.
“I love you so much, Em.”
“I love you, too, B.”
I bend down to grab her bag, and then her hand. “There’s no going back after we do this. It’s done. You’re mine forever.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.” And I have the ring to prove it.
This is it. This is right. And this is happening.
My heart is about to pound out of my chest. I can feel every beat of my pulse in every part of my body.
Why am I so nervous? We almost did this last week. I don’t remember being this out of sorts. “Can I have a minute to get ready?”
Ben nods as he attempts to suppress the smile trying to spread. He’s unsuccessful. “Yeah, babe. You know where to find me when you’re ready.”
I kiss him quickly. “Be right back.”
I close the bathroom door and breathe in deeply as I look at myself in the mirror and release the air from my lungs slowly. I repeat the process a few more times as if it will help me gather my courage. Calm down, Emma. It’s sex. For fuck’s sake, Ben’s already eaten you out once. That much won’t be new.
I bend my head to the right and then left to crack my neck. “Come on, girlie. Let’s do this.”
I take off my clothes and slip into the black satin baby doll gown I bought for tonight. The fabric feels exquisite against my skin and my nipples instantly harden.
I flip my head over, run my fingers through my hair at the roots, and fluff it a little before flipping my head up again. Whoa. Head rush.
I smooth the few unruly tresses and think about how hot it would be if Ben fisted my hair and pulled it while he fucks me. Maybe I should tell him it’s all right if he wants to. I think I’d like it.
My skin is tingling as I imagine his hands on me, worshipping my body. I need him.
Now.
One last look in the mirror, and I’m ready after an upward adjustment of my boobs in my baby doll gown. He’s all yours. Go get him, girl.
“Em.” Ben is standing by the bed wearing only his hugely tented boxer briefs. He looks like he wants to say something but is at a loss of words.
I run my hands down the front of my gown. “Do you like it?”
“Fuck, yeah. Love it.” He comes closer and circles me, inspecting me from every angle. “You’re so sexy.”
He places his hands on my hips and slowly glides them around to dig his fingers into my bottom. A roguish grin spreads across his face when he pulls my cheeks apart. “Not tonight, because you’re not ready, but I’m going to fuck your ass. Soon.”
My breath hitches and my heart speeds. I swallow hard as I consider my answer but nothing comes out of my mouth.
His lips hover over mine, his warm breath teasing me. “Tell me, Em. What do you think about that—my cock in your tight virgin asshole?”
That sounds so dirty. “I want you to do it.” I can tell by his smile that he likes my answer.
“My dick wants both of your virgin holes.” He touches his finger to my bottom lip. “And this too.”
I feel more prepared for a blowjob than anal sex. “Do you want me to suck you now?”
“Not right now. I want to cum inside your pussy our first time, not your throat.” My throat? Not my mouth? Shit. I swallow hard when I consider what that means.
Ben cups my ass and lifts me so I’m straddling him with my legs around his waist. He carries me to the bed and places me on the mattress before lowering his body to lie on top of me. I love feeling his weight on me. I love being this close. And we’re about to get even closer.
He slides his hand inside the top of my gown and circles my nipple with his thumb. It’s instantly hard. “Have you ever let a boy touch these?”
“No. I always knew I wanted you to be the one to touch them.”
“That makes me really happy, Em.” He pushes the fabric of my gown down and frees both boobs. He sucks my nipple into his mouth and then gently bites it, sending tingles of pleasure straight to my groin. “I’m your first for everything?”
“Almost.”
His head jerks up to look at me. “What does almost mean?” I don’t mistake the jealousy in his voice.
“I’m eighteen. Do you really think I’ve never been kissed?” I was forced to watch Ben date other girls. It hurt. I thought kissing someone else might help me get over whatever it was I was feeling for him. But it didn’t help. I never stopped wanting Ben to be the one I was kissing. He’s the only one I’ve ever wanted.