No way in hell is that what I see.
Because when I look at her, in our cabin, with our three newborns swaddled, two in her arms, and one in mine—I see nothing but a radiant smile, her eyes beaming with pride. I see the woman I cherish, the woman I have and the woman I promise to hold—forever.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asks, her voice soft, her eyes bright.
"Because all I can think when I look at you is how goddamn lucky I am," I tell her, sitting beside her in our bed. I kiss the head of the son in my arms. She is holding both girls in hers.
"You haven't stopped complimenting me since we left the hospital in Montana months ago."
"You mean the night my life began for the second time?" I run my finger up her bare arm. She's in a tank top and leggings, her hair recently chopped to a short bob—the first real haircut of her life. I love her short hair—a literal weight was lifted, sure, but a metaphorical one too. She isn't carrying so much anymore.
She’s learning she doesn't have to carry anything alone, ever again.
She shakes her head, her hair swishing as she does. "You're going to regret being so nice to me. There’s no way I can ever catch up to how good you are to me. I mean, for months I've lain in bed while you've watched Jamie, Andrew, and Jacob. You've been on mom duty and dad duty—and never once have I heard you complain."
I place the sleeping baby in the bassinet beside the bed, and take the swaddled ones from her arms and rest them beside their brother.
"I've had help all this time. Jonah and Josie, not to mention Grace." I sit beside her in our king-sized bed, wrapping my arm around her.
Cherish nods. "I know. But still, I wish I could make it up to you."
I cup her face with my hand. "Soon enough," I tell her, grinning.
She sighs, then bites her bottom lip. "The babies are two weeks old. But soon enough they will be two months old. And then," she says. "Then I will make it up to you plenty."
I kiss her lips, breathing her in, grateful to have her beside me. And of course, ready to take my woman hard and fast—but knowing we are going to need to take things very slow. We haven't slept together since she was rescued, the night I took a bullet; the night the FBI raided the compound.
After Jaxon got the story out of Grace—the day Jonah and I took off for my girl—they called the police. Apparently, the FBI had been looking for a location on the cult that the Lord’s Will joined forces with. They'd been running a gun cartel for years, embezzling money too— and they were the ones who took a shot at me before the FBI took them all down.
The entire compound has been dismantled, families displaced—children taken into custody of the state—and for that, we are all grateful.
But Cherish was put on bedrest... so even though she was only five months along, and in other circumstances, we would have been able to enjoy the fact we were finally together—and whole—but we were forced to abstain for her health.
"Before we make love for the third time in our lives, we have to take care of a few things though," I tell her.
"Oh yeah?" She narrows her eyes and suppresses a laugh. "Like make sure I'm on birth control?"
I grin. Six babies under two are plenty. But I shake my head because that's not what's on my mind. "I'm not talking about that."
"Then what is it?" she asks as I reach into my pocket.
I pull out a ring and hold it between my thumb and forefinger.
"I'm talking about you making an honest man out of me. About you becoming my wife."
She covers her mouth with her hands, tears in her eyes.
"It's about damn time, wouldn't you say?" I ask. "I've been in love with you since you made me mud pies when we were four. Since you offered me your song book when we were seven. Since we pinky swore we'd be best friend for the rest of our lives. I've loved you as long as I knew how to run, and Cherish, you are the only girl I ever wanted to chase. I want you to be my future, and I'm the luckiest man to have had you for the entirety of my past. As the Beach Boys would say, we could be married, and then we'd be happy."
She shakes her head. "I don't need to be married to be happy with you, James."
"But wouldn't it be nice?"
She laughs through her tears. "Yes, James. Yes, it would."
"So, you'll be mine?"
"Always. I'll always be yours."
I slip the ring on her finger and start counting down the days until Cherish is my wife.
Epilogue 2
I wear a white dress and a veil. And I'm barefoot—though not pregnant!
It's July, and our youngest babies are three months old.
And while I'm no virgin on my wedding night... James and I haven't slept together since our babies were conceived.