I was ashamed. I didn't deserve his heart anymore. He deserved a woman who was brave enough to leave when he had asked.
I was older now. Old enough to be married.
And my father promised me to a man.
A man older than my father. A man who already had three wives.
A man who would pay my father ten thousand dollars to take me off his hands.
The family needed the money. I looked at the faces of my four younger siblings, hungry and longing for more than they had.
I had let him down, but I wouldn't fail my family too.
I agreed.
Tomorrow I would be bound to a husband who paid for me, my sole job to give him children.
The man I loved could let the dream of me go.
I wasn't enough for him anymore.
And deep down I wondered if I ever had been.
No, that isn't true. I didn't wonder.
I knew.
He deserved the world, and by marrying a stranger, I could give him a future bigger than the one he had here.
Chapter Two
The sun beats down on my back, feeling like this godforsaken garage will never get done. I look over at Jonah wiping the sweat off his brow.
"I'm exhausted," he says. "Ready for lunch?"
I nod, and the two of us climb down the ladder.
"I'm ready to call it a day," I tell him. "It's hot as sin out here." It's barely noon and already it's ninety-five degrees. Idaho summers are no joke.
"What's going on over there?" Jonah asks, pointing to a group of women gathered around the entrance to the church.
I frown, not having heard about an event at the church today. Not that I care for the bullshit religion practiced at the compound—but still, I usually know what is happening and where seeing as I do most of the grunt work to set up different events.
I head to the communal kitchen in the back of the church and see my cousin Honor there, a baby on her hip, her free hand mixing coleslaw.
"Hungry, James?" she asks. Her eyes are lowered, and I wish she'd meet mine, but she’s become withdrawn over the last few years, ever since she was forced to marry Luke, the head pastor of this congregation—which is a fancy way of saying brainwashed followers.
Though I sure as hell would never use a word like that.
"What's going on out front?" I ask, grabbing a ham sandwich from a platter on the counter. Jonah follows suit, and Honor pours us glasses of ice cold water.
"There's a wedding tomorrow. The sister-wives are getting the place ready."
I frown. "Whose wedding?"
Honor twists her lips, her voice small, nearly a whisper. "It's Cherish."
The white bread is caught in my throat, and I cough, trying to dislodge her words. How did I not know this was happening? The only reason I’ve stayed here for so long is to make sure Cherish is safe. All I can think at this moment is that I’ve failed her again.
Jonah whistles low beside me.
"I'm sorry, James," Honor says.
"I've gotta go find her."
"They won't let you get near her," Jonah says. "Not today."
But my heart is already racing. I've asked her, too many times to count, to come with me. To leave this life behind. But she’s always refused.
Now there is no more time. Now she’s getting fucking married.
I can't let this happen.
I refuse.
"I have to go try. I have to convince her—"
Honor nods. "You should go to her, James. Maybe she'll feel differently now that the reality is setting in." Honor looks up at me, tears in her pale blue eyes. "I know I would have left if given an out the night before my wedding."
I run a hand through my hair, jaw clenched, wondering how I can get through her father's front door without him pulling out his shotgun. That bastard hates me something fierce.
All because of a kiss.
A perfect, holy kiss.
A kiss I'll never forget. A kiss I received when I was just a boy; a kiss that made me a man.
I grab another sandwich, eating as I walk to the door. Honor hands me a few cookies in a napkin. "Jonah, you'll cover for me?"
"Of course, man," he says. Jonah is a solid guy—though only eighteen. He's another part of the reason I can't just leave this place. I'm scared of what might happen to him when the elders try their damnedest to tear him down. Being here ensures I can help him stand up again.
But if I can get Cherish to leave with me, I'll go in a heartbeat. She is my heartbeat. My everything.
Has been ever since we were little.
I gave her my heart and never looked back.
Out on the dusty road outside the church, I try to think it through. If she's at home, it's gonna be hella hard to get to her. Still, I head in that direction. If she is getting married tomorrow, I literally have nothing to lose.
When I pass Elder Luke, I drop my head. He is in the middle of a conversation and doesn't notice me. His house is in the center of the compound, and Honor's sister-wives are on their front porch with a bunch of little ones. The farther out on the compound I go, I pass a row of trailers and know I am getting close to Cherish's father's place.