So, when I see them in the kitchen cleaning up the mess from dinner, I try to make an excuse as to why I'm leaving right after supper. With the babies.
"I am going down to see the midwife," I tell them.
"At this hour?" Treasure looks at the clock on the microwave. "It's after 6 o'clock."
I nod. "I know... but George requested me tonight... And I need her to make sure I'm okay... to lie with him."
They all know the birth was brutal, and that my body was battered afterward. The babies are just twelve weeks old now, and it isn't unreasonable that I have put off being with George. But they know he’s moody about having had to wait so long to have me. I'm sure they realize the whole house will be happier if George can sleep with me again.
Not as if that's actually going to happen... but they don't know that.
"And I thought, while I am down there, she can check on the babies, make sure they are okay."
"Why wouldn't they be?" Treasure asks.
I shrug. "I think Jacob has a cold."
"In July?"
"I know, strange, isn't it?" I smile serenely as if I’m as confused as she is.
"Do you need someone to accompany you?"
"No, I'm fine. I'll take the old van. Everyone hates that thing, but I don't mind it."
Four of Treasure’s daughters are here now, helping with dishes, and she’s distracted—exactly what I hoped would happen.
I walk past them and put the babies in a sling. Harmony on one side, Jacob slung across the other shoulder, and Andrew in an infant car seat. It’s cumbersome, but I only need to get to the van. The front door is wide open, and everyone is distracted. Older boys are packing boxes for our move and there are children playing in the front yard.
I move quickly, deliberately. James would have wanted me to go. His death opened my eyes to the world in which I live.
I will escape, remembering the father of my children with every mile I put between them and this horror-house I’ve called home.
And then in a flash, I've buckled up the children, put the key in the ignition, and I drive out under the guise of visiting the midwife who lives on the other side of the compound.
This is going to work. It has to.
I've already lost James.
I can't bear to lose anything more. And not just for me.
For my babies, too.
James wanted to rescue me all along, and I hope somehow, somewhere, he knows that he has.
Chapter Eight
When I get to town, I start asking questions.
But there isn't a lot in the way of answers.
The people at the compound left over a week ago, in the dead of the night.
At the gas station store, I press. "What do you mean they all just disappeared? Surely there has got to be more detail than that?"
The clerk just shakes his head. "Sorry, son. You know those people?"
"I used to." I feel a dark pain sear through my heart. "Are the cops involved?"
The clerk frowns. "Word is they have no reason to be. Guess CPS had been poking their noses around after that woman left, caused a bit of a scandal, but nothing came of it."
My eyes narrow. "A woman left?"
The clerk shrugs, raising his hands in the air. "I don't know much, I just hear things. A woman left, pressed charges of abuse against the leader, says she was a sister-wife or something? Not sure about all that besides the HBO show Big Love. If there was polygamy, the cops would have cracked down harder, I'd have thought."
I laugh sharply. "Oh, there was polygamy all right."
"Sorry, I can't help you."
I nod, understanding. With my bag over my shoulder, I walk the two miles to the compound. It's a warm day, and I’m reminded of the last time I saw Cherish.
It's hard to accept that she isn't here now, but I figured it might be a long road to travel before she was back in my arms.
I'm not giving up hope.
Not now, not ever.
When I get to the property a fuckton of memories floods me, fast. I don't remember leaving this place, was passed out when they run Jonah and me away, but I sure remember being here. The dusty gravel road, the piles of tires. The buildings Jonah and I built one by one.
But the clerk at the gas station was right. This place has become a ghost town. After walking around for an hour, looking at Cherish's dad's old trailer—ransacked and empty— I'm done.
I find an abandoned car and can hot wire it. But thankfully, once I sit and buckle up, I find a key ring deep in the door pocket. I wouldn't say my luck has turned around, but at least I have a car to get me out of here.
There's only one place I can think of to go…my sister’s house. Trouble is, it’s a place I’ve never actually been to before. But, it’s the only place I can think of where I might be able to find some answers.