I never told him goodbye, and now I’d never have the chance again. The grief that ate me up from the inside was unreal, unbearable. It became all consuming, until it was the only thing I could think about. I couldn’t concentrate on anything but the scenes of my dad flashing through my mind—how I’d taken everything for granted, assuming he would be there forever. It overwhelmed me until I couldn’t take it anymore, and I was desperate to find a way to relieve the pain.
I jumped on the chance when it was offered, drowning my sorrows in alcohol and drugs. It didn’t matter if it was wrong, I needed a way to escape, a way to be oblivious—a way to not feel like I needed to vomit every second of my waking life. I lived to get as drunk or high as I could … anything to move past that state of consciousness.
My problem now was that no one was willing to look deep enough to see the real me that lay dormant beneath the surface. Everyone thought I was a trouble maker, the bad boy, the punk.
I wasn’t. I was just broken.
Chapter Five
“Can I help you?” asked the elderly woman behind the desk at Mountain Medical Center.
“Yeah, I’m Chase Walker. I’m here to volunteer for community service hours. The lady I talked to on the phone told me to check in here and you would tell me where to go.”
“Alright, let’s see if we have you on the list,” she replied, reaching for a clipboard and running a gnarled finger down the paper. “Yes, here you are. It says you’re scheduled to assist in conference room B with the substance abuse group today. Just go straight down this hall behind you and make a turn at the second hallway to your right. The conference room will be there on your left.”
“Thanks,” I said, tuning to follow her directions. Substance abuse. That’s just great, I thought, wondering if the fates were starting to conspire against me too after last night.
I’d changed my clothes and thrown them in the washer after I left the barn, then scoured the house for some eye drops to help my bloodshot eyes. After I took a shower, I went to chill on my bed, planning to listen to my iPod while I waited for my mom and grandma to get home. Apparently my body had other plans since I fell asleep and slept clear through the night.
When I woke, I found someone had covered me with the blanket and there was a box of candy from the theater placed on the nightstand. That was when I noticed the clock and realized I was running way behind. I jumped out of bed and hurriedly got ready to drive to Cooley.
I located the conference room easily enough, pausing at the door before I walked in. The room was empty except for a large circle of chairs in the center, but I could hear the murmur of voices coming through a door toward the back.
A tall, professionally dressed woman with graying hair pulled up into a bun appeared and looked at me quizzically. “Are you here for the group?” she asked.
“No. I’m supposed to help out here today for community service,” I replied.
“Ah, you’re Chase.” She smiled and stepped forward with an outstretched hand. “I’m Maggie Stafford. I’m the group therapist.”
“Nice to meet you,” I said politely.
“We’re starting a new group this morning, and there’s a massive amount of paperwork we pass out. You’ll be helping my assistant to organize packets and staple them together. There’s a lot to do since we have exercises and journaling we encourage our participants to do in their recovery therapy.”
She motioned for me to follow her into the next room. “Because our group is large, our meetings will last about two hours. So if you work the entire time, I’ll sign off on those for you.”
“Sounds good,” I replied, and she pointed me toward two long tables stretched out side by side. They were covered in massive stacks of paper.
I could hear other people entering the room we’d just left, and Maggie leaned forward to glance through the doorway. “I need to get out there. You can start by gathering the first five papers and stapling them together. My assistant will be back shortly to help you out.”
“Okay.” I set my service paper down on a chair and got to work.
It wasn’t too long before I heard the door from the hallway open behind me.
“Here’s the fresh coffee, Maggie. Sorry it took so long.”
I stiffened and turned toward that voice.
“What are you doing here?” Nikki spoke, her eyes wide in surprise.
“I could ask you the same thing,” I replied, folding my arms and leaning against the table as I gave her the once over. Yep, her effect on me was unchanged. Damn.
“I work here. I’m Maggie’s assistant. Why are you here?” she asked again.