Chasing Nikki(12)

“It’s a job. I don’t know how much money I’ll make in real estate here, and I guess this agency covers quite a broad area. So there may be times that I’m gone for a few hours to show houses to potential clients.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll be great at it.”

“Thanks, Chase.” She gave me a hug as she passed on the way to the sink, taking my plate with her.

“Grandma and I were thinking of going to a late movie since Grandpa is gone. Would you like to come with us?”

I shook my head. “No. I still need to muck out the horse stalls. I promised Grandpa I would get a thorough cleaning done on them this weekend. I’ve got to go to Cooley tomorrow for my service hours anyway.”

“Would you like us to stay here with you? We can go another time.”

“No. Have some fun. You deserve it. I’ll try to come with you next time.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.” I felt a little guilty knowing what I had planned, but I wasn’t about to change my mind.

I made my way out to the barn and finished up all of my work. When I had the last of the fresh straw in the stalls I let the horses back in. I briefly spoke to old Mitzi and fed her a carrot before I climbed up into the hayloft, pushing the top exterior door wide open. I leaned against the frame, and slid down to the floor.

The stars shown brilliantly against the clear night sky, and I lit up, drawing the smoke heavily into my lungs, closing my eyes as I sighed in relief.

Man, I’d forgotten how good this really was. I smoked one whole joint and immediately lit up another. The night was quiet—everything was so still. I didn’t want to think about anything, willing all the voices in my head to be silent. There would be no death, moving, arrest, girls—only me, sitting in the night.

While that was nice in theory, it wasn’t long before flashes of my dad popped into my head. I pushed them roughly aside, and they were immediately replaced with thoughts of Nikki.

I sighed. I need to let her go and find another girl. Any girl would do. She just needed to be someone I could pass the time with. Maybe do a little partying, then some making out and who knows what else. I wasn’t going to keep investing myself trying to pursue a relationship that was going nowhere.

I snorted at my choice of that word. Who was I kidding? There was no relationship. Sure Nikki was gorgeous, but we were complete opposites. She wasn’t even my type. She was a good girl, and I was branded a bad boy. A punk, as she’d called me, and the problem was everyone else thought the same thing. No one had ever taken the opportunity to really get to know me before they passed judgment.

Maybe I didn’t help out my reputation at all, taking advantage of the times I could prove just how punk-like I could be, but what was the point of trying to be something else when everyone already had a preconceived notion of what you were.

They all thought they knew me, pegged me from the first glance. No one had any clue about who I was on the inside. They didn’t see the athlete who was determined to win, no matter the cost. They didn’t see the raised bar I’d set for myself physically to be the best I could be. No one cared how hard I used to work on getting top grades before my dad died. He wanted me to get into a good college, and I wanted to do anything I could to make him happy. I wanted to get a football scholarship, but I was determined to have a high grade point average too when scouts looked at me.

I had an excellent employee record during my summer job as a lifeguard, even receiving commendations for service from my boss. My job was always standing with him. He’d told me he would hire me anytime I could work because I was always so reliable.

I had always been warm and friendly before. I was nice and polite to the people I met and formed, what I thought, to be lasting relationships with those around me. I was popular, well liked, and admired by many.

It never ceased to amaze me how everyone just faded away into the background, melting slowly out of my life after my dad was killed. They couldn’t understand how devastated I was by his death—how it felt like everything in my world had turned completely upside down.

He died on my birthday. On my birthday! I didn’t ever want to have another one again. Every day I walked outside to get in my truck and for one second I was standing on the carport hugging him before rushing off to school to show my friends my new gift. I didn’t know it would be the last time I ever saw him as he stood in the driveway waving after me with that big smile on his face. I should have thrown a fit, begged him to skip work and stay home for my party. If I would’ve he would be here, and we’d all still be living our real life, not this fake one that had risen up to take its place.