Chasing Forever(70)

“I won’t.” He pulled her into a hug. “Am I forgiven?”

Those words were exactly what she wanted to hear if she had stopped to think about it, but she couldn’t get the picture of Lucas holding Olivia’s hand out of her mind. The vision had scarred her. “Lucas, I want to believe what you’re saying.” She tilted her head back so she could see his face. “But you were holding her hand. I don’t get it. You claimed she wouldn’t be an issue anymore, but it doesn’t seem like you’re able to let her go.”

Needing space so she could think, she tried to step out of his embrace, but he pulled her closer. “It wasn’t what you’re thinking.” He kissed the top of her head. “She started crying and I felt bad. I wanted everything to be amicable. It was stupid. I was stupid.”

“Now what?” Regan asked.

“I was hoping you would forgive me.”

“No, I mean what happens with Olivia now. You may have told her she can’t be a part of your life, but what does that look like? She’s a family friend. You spend holidays together. You’ve known her your whole life.”

“I don’t know. We didn’t see each other for a year or so after college, and it wasn’t a big deal.” He shrugged. “It won’t be that hard. This is a pretty big city, and when I run into her, I don’t have to talk to her.”

“But that means avoiding things you love and, in part, avoiding your family. Are you sure you want to do that? I think you’ll eventually regret that decision.” She buried her head in his chest as the tears started to fall. She didn’t want him to choose her because of guilt, tears, or obligation. “And I can’t live with that because that would mean you regretted me and I would rather we ended this right now than live with that reality.”

His hands moved down the length of her hair repeatedly, top to bottom, in smooth even strokes, but instead of calming her, it made her more nervous. Was he waiting to tell her goodbye, touching her one more time before her broke her heart? She moved her hand under the hem of his shirt, and her fingertips drew small designs on the flat plane of his stomach. If this were the end, she wanted to remember the feel of his skin—she inhaled deeply—and his smell.

“This is important. Take some time to think about it,” she whispered as her fingers reached his chest, memorizing every contour. She’d miss him, but she could walk if she had to. She was strong even if she felt weak right now.

Bending his head, he kissed her neck, then found her ear and his warm breath set every nerve ending in her body on fire. She loved him, every little detail that made him Lucas, and a small part of her wanted to beg him to give any part of him, no matter how small or insignificant, but she wouldn’t do it. He had to decide what he wanted, and she would accept it, even if it killed her.

His lips found hers, and he kissed her softly. She closed her eyes, drinking him in, savoring him.

“I could never regret being with you.” His voice was thick and gravelly but filled with tenderness.

She wanted to believe his words. She really did, but even if he meant them now would he change his mind in a few weeks or a couple months? “That’s what you believe right now. I get that, but what about later, when you can’t ignore the consequences of your decision? Can you live with that? What would your—”

He put a finger over her mouth. “Sweetheart, where is that beautiful mind of yours taking you right now?”

As if in a trance, she moved her hands to his back, tracing the long rope-like muscles next to his spine. She didn’t want to spell it out, but she didn’t have a choice. No more hiding from reality. It wouldn’t get them anywhere. “I don’t want to cause problems with your parents. They don’t like me, and you’d eventually have to choose between us. I don’t want to compete for your love. It shouldn’t be that way. That’s not fair to either of us.”

She felt his chest shaking, and she looked up at his face. “You’re laughing,” she said, frowning.

“I don’t have to choose. My parents won’t interfere or pass judgment on my life. They aren’t like that.”

She tilted her head to the side. “Olivia’s parents are their friends…good friends. Your families do everything together.”

“Not everything, not even close. Our parents have been friends since college, but that doesn’t mean I have to be friends with Olivia. Sure, it’d be nice, but they realize I have to live my own life. Don’t worry about them. I don’t have to choose between you and my family.” He kissed her again. “They’ll love you. I’m not worried.”