Chasing Forever(Chasing Series #4)(7)

"Hello," I murmured, barely audible, but the air in the room was still enough that my voice could cut through it like a blade.

His casual stance stiffened the second he spotted me. His eyes then darkened as our gazes met. Every inch of me became pained at the sight of him, yet still, I couldn't resist measuring him from head to foot, noting all the blatant as well as the subtle changes he possessed.

He looked exhausted. Shattered.

I looked at him like I had been starved for decades, not days. I would never get tired of him. That only had been proved to me once more.

I saw his throat bob up and down. "Lucy."

There was no trace of hate in his tone …  not even indifference. His acknowledgment conveyed that he was neutral. What did that mean?

"I was hoping we could take you out to eat," Chad butted in, breaking our contact.

The moment his eyes left me, I felt bereft, as though the light had been taken from me. Maybe it had. It was only switched back on when he was around, sadly.

"I already had a light snack." Toby made a small smile. "Thanks for dropping by, though."

Chad smirked before walking around to check his surroundings. "Oh, well. You know, Blake's flat in Mayfair is a little boring. Do you mind if I stay here for a little bit? I like to bug you once in awhile."

Toby shrugged and then walked away, heading towards what seemed to be the kitchen. "Sure. Whatever you like."

He'd always had a soft spot for Chad. Additionally, even if he knew what was behind Chad's motives, he wasn't crass enough to push him away. Toby always considered other people's feelings, especially the ones of those he cared about.

"Yipee," Chad giddily said as he pulled out his phone. "Let me tell Rob-Rob that I'll be chilling at your pad. Give me a sec." He strode out of the kitchen as he dialed Robert's number.

Toby was pouring himself a glass of Malbec amidst the black and stainless steel kitchen. He was taking his time, trying to avoid me. As much as I liked to pretend that I wasn't waiting for him to make small talk, I couldn't help following my gaze with whatever he did. The man simply consumed me. It was troubling.

"Fancy having a glass?" he murmured as he watched himself pour the ruby red contents into a glass, filling it halfway.

"Sure," I managed to say smoothly.

He causally pushed his ready-filled glass towards the other end of the counter before stepping back and taking out another glass for himself.

Why wasn't he looking at me? I wondered as I cautiously stepped towards the chair, sitting my guilty arse on the stool. Instead of taking a careful sip, I inserted the glass stem in between my fingers and slowly swirled it around, eyeing the crimson contents, as I argued with myself that I should be the one to break the ice.

Guilt and broken heart aside, I had once been his friend, and even though he might not need me as one, I should make it known that I was there if he needed me.

Clearing my throat, I swallowed whatever pride I had left and took the plunge. "I'm sorry about your marriage."

Those entrancing eyes immediately snapped to me, surprised. "You're sorry?" he asked as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

I nodded as I parted my mouth to breathe. With his eyes on me like that, I felt like he was cooking me inside out from their simmering heat. "I am-I hadn't meant to-"   





 

"What didn't you mean, Lucy?" he threw back.

Everything. Fuck. God. Oh, fuck. If only I could turn back time, I sure would change how I had handled things …

"I'm sorry." For hurting you. For betraying your trust. For always screwing up things for you. For everything …  I was truly sorry.

My words seemed to have angered him. He certainly tried to hide behind it, but his eyes only told me the truth. That I was a coward. That I wasn't worthy of him.

Pressing my lips together, I stared at the glass as I slid off the stool. I had no ounce of power left in me to look at him. "I have to go." I was ashamed beyond words as I walked away, passed Chad in the hallway, moving towards the foyer.

"Lucy!" he growled after me as I held onto the doorknob.

I had a few seconds pause before I went out the door with my heart thumping wildly against my chest. I was running and I didn't stop until a block away, heaving as I bent over with my hands on my knees, needing to breathe. Courage, I lacked it greatly, but I couldn't fathom staring back into his hurt-filled eyes, knowing how guilty I was.

Miserable, I slowly walked aimlessly on the streets, ignoring the sad looks that were sent my way as the passersby noted the tears streaming down my face.

After a long while, when I felt like my legs were about to give out from exhaustion, I dialed the only person I could talk to at the moment. "I need a drink. Can you come by?"



I was sitting in one of the booths at a pub, staring holes into the wine bottle, when I felt a dark shadow cast over me.

"Thanks for coming." I smiled sadly at him as he scooted over across the booth.

"The ghost finally caught up to you, I take it?" Troy asked as a rhetorical question. When I didn't respond, he made a heavy sigh before motioning to a waiter to get us another bottle. It was going to be a long night.

After our failed attempt at dating, Troy had become a close confidante. When times were tough, he was always there to listen to my ramblings. From then on, he became quite close to me when at times I felt like I couldn't open up to Sienna or Chad. I knew both of them meant well, but at times, I just needed someone who didn't know Toby and I so well. Occasionally, I just wanted to vent out certain things that were hard to explain to anyone else. I knew Chad and Sienna both loved me, however it hurt sometimes to see that look in their eyes-the look that told me that they believed I was the reason for Toby's deterioration.

They were right. Of course I was the reason, yet every now and then, it would be lovely if I was given the benefit of the doubt. If only they would try to understand the war that I was having with myself …

Troy was the only person I could speak to that didn't hold any judgment. At times, I needed that. Like tonight for instance.

It took three bottles of red, two shots of whiskey, and five hours of endless, pained confession before I finally felt like I couldn't utter another damn word about him. It was selfish of me to talk another man's ear off about my love-life woes. I knew nothing romantic was brewing between Troy and I, but still, I was eternally grateful that he had willingly sat there with me and let me drown myself in my agony.

When we left the pub, he hailed a cab to drop me off at my place first. He was a handsome, roguish gentleman, and I hoped that someday he might find a woman that would be worthy of him.

As always, my thoughts were astray when Troy nudged me out of my daydreaming, nodding towards the now parked cab outside my building. "Don't be too hard on yourself. Tomorrow's a new day, love." He gave me a tight hug before he cupped my face with both of his large hands, providing me with some of his strength. "No more tears, yeah?"

I smiled even though I felt empty inside. Troy was a great friend. I closed my eyes when he kissed my forehead before letting me out of the vehicle. Through the small window, he gave me an arresting smile before the cab drove away with him. Standing out on the pavement, I drew out a breath, feeling rejuvenated somehow.

He was right. Tomorrow was another day.

Spinning around, I strode towards the entrance of my building. I pulled out my keycard and was about to swipe it against the magnetic controller when I felt someone approach me. It was dark, so I could barely make the person out in the shadows, but once the person came closer, I was met by the man whom I had been agonizing over all evening.

And he didn't look a tad friendly whatsoever.

My heart palpitated. My mind drew a blank. And as expected, I stared at him like I was starved for the sight of him before I broke contact and continued to swipe my keycard.

When I heard the lock unlatch from the door, indicating that it was open, I pushed the door slightly before looking back at him. "Do you want to come up?"   





 

"I thought you were single," he finally managed to say. He was looking at me as if I had lied to him. "Does he know that you cheated on him?"

Just exactly how long had he been standing there? "Troy-"

He cut me off. "Have you ever cheated on me?"

"No." How could he ask me that? It was demeaning.

He lingered on my face before looking away towards the quiet street. "I came here to offer a truce. Maybe to start over as friends again."

Friends? Wait-what? He wanted us to be friends? Had he gone mad?

"Friends?" I asked as if the word was alien to me. It probably was. When it came to Toby Watson, being friends was the last thing I had in mind … the image of him nestled in between my legs, his eyes feasting on me-goodness, I probably was drunker than I thought.

"I have accepted the fact that you and I can never be-that you're in love with another man. For days, I pondered about what happened in Rome, and I came to the conclusion the other day that maybe it was your way of saying your goodbye. Of shutting that door behind you before finally moving on to be with him without any traces from our relationship.

"I'm starting anew …  and I want to restart our friendship as it once was. Since we're best friends with the same people, I thought it would make more sense if we put our differences aside and start over again."