Chasing Forever(Chasing Series #4)(6)

Rome. God, thinking about Rome hurt. Thinking about him was too much. I had spewed lies, hoping he would secure his marriage, but the result had backfired on me. What happened now?

"How is he?"

He shrugged. "Why don't we go and find out?"

Was he crazy? No. I wasn't ready to face him. Not yet. "I can't handle that right now." There was no point in denying anything to Chad. He was just too perceptive and knew too much to be lied to.

He nodded, eyeing me with understanding.

Reaching out for my coffee, I took a small sip before carefully placing it back on the small, white saucer. My mind raced on, recalling everything as I took in the news. He was divorcing-dissolving his marriage. He'd be a free man again. Would he seek me out? And if he did, what would I do? Was I ready to be with him? Was I ready to take on the hate and wrath that came with it?

"Why didn't you ever beg, Luce?"

Chad's question brought me out of my reverie as I frowned at him. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Why didn't you ever beg him not to do it? You fucking love the man. What the fuck? I just don't get it. I want to understand why you were being such a cold-hearted bitch."

Whoa. I had never heard him talk to me that way. Was he angry at me?

"What makes you think-?"

"You could've saved you both from this heartache. Neither of you are happy, so I want to know why. Why push away the guy who worshipped you like you were made out of gold? Why push him away when you couldn't live without him?" He paused when he saw me about to argue with him. "You're not happy. You've only been miserable since the moment you left him, love."

Would he understand if I told him that I had done it for Toby? That I hadn't wanted to come between him and his family? That I hadn't wanted to put him in a position where he had to choose? Toby was a good man. He loved his family. Even though they were dysfunctional at best, they were his family. They needed to sort that out themselves. I cared for him too much to put him in an awful position.

"It's hard to explain," I started. "I did love him-, more than anything." My heart was his. Forever. "Sometimes, love makes you do things. Things that you hope will be for the best …  my intentions were faultless. I needed to put him first before my needs … " My throat constricted, thinking about the searing pain I had endured after walking away from him. "I realized that our own best interest doesn't necessarily solve anything. Sometimes it turns out for the worst and backfires. A miniscule problem could grow into something bigger, something that's hard to control." I had bit off more than I could chew. Not only guilt was festering me into ruins, thinking about the baby placed an acrid, vile taste in my mouth.

"Love makes us do crazy things. I mean, look at Mighty Knightly and all the shit he had to pull off to be with Sienna. But one thing stood out, and that's the only thing we should learn, which is never to fucking give up, Lucy. I look at you and I already see defeat. What happened to your backbone? You took part in this mess, at least bitch up and be there for the man you've fucked over. He needs you."

"I don't know … "

"I'm not asking you to be back with him. All I'm asking is for you to show your face. You don't even have to say anything. Just be around, show that you care, even if it's killing you inside."   





 

Could I do that? Could I stomach seeing the hate in his eyes?

"Toby might not be too pleased about that."

"Trust me on this; that man is nuts and bolts loony for you."



"Lucy?"

I looked up and clashed eyes with him.

"Would you like to have dinner with me?"

Was he really asking me this or was I dreaming?

For weeks, I had secretly lusted after him, dropping subtle hints that I was more than interested, but he hadn't taken the bait. Last week, I had been convinced that he saw me just as a friend from school. After all, he and Blake Knightly were sought after by all of the women in our school and he could have a pick of whoever took his interest.

My crushed hope was now alive and kicking as I blinked back a few times, considering his question.

"Uh, sure." Fuck. I sounded downright awful. I hoped he wouldn't change his mind. I wouldn't recover from it. I was sure of it.

He looked around the crowded library before glancing down at me again, smiling his mega-watt smile. "Mind if I take you away right now?"

"You want to have dinner …  now?" I gulped some much needed air. I better not hyperventilate; it was only a dinner invitation, not him asking me if I wanted a quick shag against the dusty bookshelves …

Though if he had outright asked me that, I would have willingly obliged.

"If it's too much, we could do it tomorrow night?" he unsurely added with a teasing tone.

I hardly doubt I'd survive a night berating myself if I declined.

"Right now is perfectly good." I immediately got up and neatly took care of my things, placing them inside my tote. Nervously, I gave him a quick glance before he showed us out the library. When we emerged from the building, the sky was dark and the air a tad chilly, but considering how I was a ball of heat next to this man, my cotton long-sleeved black top was enough.

"What do you feel like having tonight?"

You, my mind blurted out, making me inwardly blanch at my wayward thoughts. For fuck's sake, I needed to clear my head or I would ruin this one chance I had with him. And God forbid if I ever did.

"Chinese sounds good."

He grinned. "Is that all you fancy?"

Was that a trick question? It had to be. "For the moment, I suppose it is."

"I like how your cheeks glow pink when you lie a tad," he mused, blatantly teasing me.

My fuck, did he know about how I felt about him?

I reddened some more as I followed him to his parked Audi. He gallantly opened the door for me, but before I slid inside, he took me by the hand then dipped his head and whispered into my ear, "Breathe, Luce. I won't bite unless you let me."

I nervously licked my lips, completely out of my depth as I stared into his eyes, feeling alive for the very first time in my life.

Something had lit inside of me. Something had snapped, and now, I was barraged with all these heady emotions. There was something about the way he looked at me; it was like he saw who I was, what I was, and what I would become. It was as if he knew …

His spellbinding depths told me that he was ready for the inescapable.

Well, so was I.





Chapter 6



Lucy



"He just bought a place around Hyde Park." Chad chatted up as we rode in a black cab heading towards the said newly purchased home.

Though he kept talking to me, I was remained still, silently listening as I got lost in my own thoughts. Where was Amelia now? Would she let this happen? I mean, why couldn't he have waited until she gave birth and leave her then? I had so many questions. Each one drilled more guilt into me. I knew I had taken part in this. I had thought after Rome, things would become better, but it had only proved me wrong.

Before I knew it, the cab was parked and Chad was handing the driver the cash then opening the door and almost tugging me out of my seat. "No time to think, sweet cheeks. Just keep on moving."

His grating tone almost made me want to lash out at him, yet even with my anger, I couldn't manage to spout anything because, deep down, I was a ball of nerves. It certainly sucked to be best buddies with people who were also best friends with your ex. Back in the day, I used to swell with love and pride at being so well loved amongst amazing, big-hearted people, however now, I was not liking it one bit.

You see, if one of us had a problem, all four would come knocking on your door, come hell or high water. It was how it worked. When Chad needed help, we all took our part. When Sienna had some painstaking problems, we all rallied to be there for her. As we did with Blake. And now, it was Toby.

When Chad pulled out a key, I glowered at him. "When did you get that?"

"Robert handed it to me when he picked me up from Heathrow."   





 

Robert. Blake Knightly's driver. Great. I was sure I was the only one exempted from having a key to this place. I knew I shouldn't feel bitter about that, but I fucking did. It hurt, dammit.

When the key opened the door, all the bitterness in me fled as I focused on the boxes that were piled up against the wall. It looked like he was barely moved in.

Chad steadily walked ahead as I reluctantly shifted my footing, not sure if I should go past the foyer. The radiantly polished black and white tiles caught my attention as I stared at them, not sure how to pass time. Would Chad notice that I was not behind him? I hoped not.

Tough luck, I thought as I heard him hiss my name. I looked up and saw him about to come towards me when the sound of an opening door made me freeze on the spot, stealing all the air from my lungs. My ears perked up, knowing quite well who it would be.

"Chad?" Toby's voice sent flutters all through my stomach.

Chad managed to send me a cutting look before he walked over to where Toby was. I could only presume that Chad was giving him a comforting hug. "How's it going, boo? We thought we'd drop by and say hi, you know?"

Fucking Chad, I silently growled.

"We?" Toby clarified. Of course he'd caught on.

Steeling my broken heart, I slowly strode past the hallway before I saw Chad a few feet away, standing by a half cracked door with what looked like a study behind him.