Chasing Forever(Chasing Series #4)(4)
He looked confused for a moment before the words slowly sunk into him. His facial expression looked beyond hurt. The rawness of his pain took my breath away. For a single moment, I thought about taking my lies back, however I held back and remained strong, hoping this would enlighten him towards a better life with his child.
"Everything I once thought or believed … are you telling me that it was all a lie?" he asked in a tone that made the hair on my back stand on end.
Swallowing the heavy lump in my throat, the weight of my lies pressed against my heart, vowing that this would be the last time I would hurt him. "I had never meant for it to go that far … " My eyes captured his lovely face once more, knowing that this could be the last time I saw him. "Your mother was my excuse to break things off with you, but the truth is … " My voice shook, however my determination pushed me to continue, "I've been in love with Troy since before I broke things off with you."
"Don't fuck with me like this, Luce … " he quietly begged, searching my eyes for the truth, as if the world had been pulled out from beneath his feet.
I loved you, but I had to let you go. "It's the truth," I uttered the ultimate lie, knowing that I was going to nurse a very damaged heart once I got back to England.
Chapter 3
Toby
"I've been in love with Troy since before I broke things off with you."
Blinking a few times, I shook my head from the difficultly of wrapping my head around the information she'd just struck me with.
In love …
With another man? Sure, she'd dated him, but enough to fall in love that fast even before she had resolved her unfinished business with me? It's a high possibility, my mind mocked, leaving me with anxiety.
"Don't fuck with me like this, Luce … " I begged while I stared at her in disbelief, not willing to accept the lies that kept spewing out of her mouth.
"It's the truth."
Not only did her words leave me broken, but they also squashed what little lightness I had left in my life. Last night had given me hope, yet after this revelation, Lucy left me in a world of ceaseless pain and suffering.
I could tell she was waiting for me to say something-anything to challenge what she'd just said. I didn't think my love for her would be enough for me to recover from this alone, so if she intended to say something more, I knew with all that I was that I couldn't handle it.
Without a backward glance, I rushed out of the villa, past the awaiting car that was supposed to take me to the airport, and headed straight into the night, needing to get lost and never be found.
Three hours later, I found myself calling the driver to pick me up at a bar.
After hours of contemplation, I knew what I had to do. Even though I could barely speak coherently due to being too inebriated, my mind was clear as sky on a sunny day when I thought of Lucille Connelly.
It started with me calling her Lucille. Then Lucy for short before it became Luce.
Our story had begun quickly, like a rollercoaster ride-dipping high and low in accelerated speed with no means of stopping. Like most relationships, we'd had our rough times, however it had always been her who would pull us back together with the use of her endless supply of love and sunny optimism.
Falling in love with her had seemed natural, like how the sun sets and rises. Like the seasons shifts and changes. Loving her had consumed me from the beginning and I had thought then that I was the luckiest man alive to have such a gem in my life. Little had I known that about two years later, the life I had once planned for would merely be a thing of the past.
An illusion.
A fantasy.
And yet, even though I knew this path was surely never going to happen, I still found myself thinking about the past.
Thinking about my Luce.
Thinking about how we had once been together-blinded by love and happiness.
What had led us astray?
The half-filled glass of whiskey with two large ice cubes enticed my attention as I softly played the piano. Lucy was in the kitchen scavenging a light snack-she was famished-while I sat there and lazily played the keys, satisfaction humming in my blood.
Our weekends were filled with an unlimited supply of heated, sensual shagging, and tonight wasn't an exception. After the tumultuous afternoon I had with my parents, I needed this-needed her-to heal me once more and bring me back to my old self.
I was engrossed in the piano, making sure I was hitting the right keys to Moonriver, when Lucy came over, carrying something in her hand. She had an animated smile, beautifully blushing as she held the chocolate cupcake with whipped dark chocolate topping before me that had a small party candle on it. "Happy birthday!"
I gasped with enthusiasm. "You didn't!"
Blowing the candle out, I grinned like a silly kid, touched by her gesture. She didn't have to go through the lengths of throwing me an elaborate party because with her mere cupcake alone it went beyond words. It was the thought that mattered most, and one of the main things I admired about this woman-she could easily afford extravagance, but she always tended to keep it simple. A trait I admired in a woman.
My hunger went past admiration as I pulled her against me, holding her around the hips. "How did you know?" Blake was out of town, and since I wasn't speaking to my parents at the moment, I had decided not to mention it to anyone. Not even Lucy. So imagine my surprise when she came out with this.
She had one of my dress shirts on, looking demure and yet provokingly enticing as she nervously played with one of the buttons with her thumb and finger. "I hope you don't mind, but I snooped a bit the first week we started dating."
Women. Why am I not surprised? "Did you now … " I mused. God, I loved the way she blushed and how her eyes would spark blue fire each time she felt like she was being challenged.
"Certainly. You were in the shower when I took hold of your wallet and pulled out your I.D. I swear it was only for age verification, nothing more."
"Oh, really?" The magnetic energy that surrounded us as we stared into each other was electrifying. Tantalizing.
"Yes, birthday boy," she murmured, shyly looking up as her eyes flickered back and forth, as if searching for some truth in me. "The other night, I heard your conversation with Blake on the phone." She nervously paused. "I don't particularly know what's going on with your family, but I just want to let you know that I'm here for you, too. If you need someone's ear to listen to your grumbles, or to have someone to empathize in your situation, or to have someone to ease some of the stress with, I can be that person for you. " She took a deep breath while her eyes flashed with momentary fright. "I love you … I have for quite some time now."
Literally, my heart skittered about at her confession. How often had I held my tongue from speaking those very same words each time I made love to her?
Countless.
And how long had I pined for her to feel the same way?
Way before she had noticed I existed.
Yes, I had been captivated the very second my eyes found her. She possessed me in ways I had never thought possible.
A part of me wanted to tease her and question specifics about when she'd realized she was in love with me, but my emotions were quite too profound to even comprehend anything. "You own my heart, Luce. In every which way-it's yours." Cradling her cheek, my mouth delved into her lips, kissing her with such hungered passion that I felt completely and utterly undone.
I was hers.
She pulled back a little, gazing up at me with pure love shining in her depths. "Don't break my heart," she murmured with evident vulnerability.
She'd had boyfriends before I had come along, but for some reason, I felt like Lucy was giving me something precious she hadn't given any man before-something greater than her love-and I felt undone
"I can't promise you that, but I can guarantee that I will put you above everything else and promise that I will always stay truthful to you." That was better than a promise any man could deliver to a woman. Promises were meant to be broken. Vows, on the other hand, mostly came from the heart, as did mine.
She merely nodded before giving me a small kiss on the lips. "You're mine, Mr. Watson."
Watching her lick her bottom lip, I let out a low, deep growl. One that sounded as if my body was revving up for another round. On the bed. On the piano. The kitchen. I wanted her everywhere with her body spread out, naked, lustful, until I'd had my fill. Until I had finished unleashing this rotted need to experience her fully-body, mind and soul.
It was a madness of nonsensical emotions, but who could truly define a person being in love anyway? It was like an obsessive lunacy-nothing had ever been enough to appease a man's appetite.
A man could never appreciate love until he had experienced it himself.
And I was that smitten man, driving blindly into the unknown darkness on cruise control.
Chapter 4
Toby
Present
"I want a divorce."
Amelia snorted, unfazed while giving me a nasty glare before looking away. She was carefully putting her make-up on, readying to leave to meet her friends. "Like that will ever happen. I'm pregnant. You can't leave me," she said nonchalantly, as if what I was demanding was of no concern to her.
Amelia was a bitch, I knew that quite well. Each day I was seeing the rotten side of her and I couldn't stomach the stench of her blackened heart. Her dismissive attitude did not help with my mood. She liked to provoke me to see if she had the capability to make me lose my cool, but I hadn't gotten that temperamental with her. A part of me felt bad for her-at one point in time we were somehow comrades in our broken hearts and unrequited love-but I could only endure so much before all Hell broke loose, and when that day ever arrived, I wouldn't hold back an inch.