I dressed for you … I had wanted him to see me and devour me on the spot. I hadn't expected him to be in such a foul mood already. Was he always going to be this way? Why did he hate me so much?
I licked my lips, fiercely blinking back the tears that were about to form in my eyes.
"You haven't answered me, Lucy." In a flash, he was right in my face, circling me like a predator. "Was he there or not?"
Silence was golden they said …
"Cat got your tongue?"
Maybe pushing him so much wasn't a good idea. Maybe I'd had too much alcohol to tolerate his mean attitude because, whatever shield I'd had on yesterday, simply wasn't working right this second.
"I'll-" I gasped out, meeting his eyes. He didn't look inviting. After the long talk I'd had with Troy about my troubles, I was too exhausted-too everything-to deal with this. "You know what? I just realized that I'm knackered. I'll probably just go home and sleep."
Spinning around to leave, I immediately felt both his arms around my body, locking me in place. "Don't. Move. A. Muscle."
I didn't. His voice simply chilled me. It was as if this man wasn't Toby because this person before me enjoyed causing me pain.
"I told you not to come back here, but you didn't listen. So you'll wait until I give you clearance to leave." He circled me once, stopping in my line of sight, asking, "What will it take for you to go? Let's forget about the farcical talks of friendships-never happening."
Toby … was gone. There was no denying it. It had been a little over a week ago when the man had been weeping in my arms, holding onto me. He now was dead.
He'd died along with them.
His family …
"If I have women here, will that make you uncomfortable? If I fucked them before you, would it bother you at all?"
It would kill me inside. "Is that what you want? To have sex with other women?" It hurt to ask, but I had to.
"I can do whatever I want," he said, challenging me to fight back, yet the last thing I wanted was to fight, let alone banter for his own satisfaction.
"I could always come back when you're all alone again." Or maybe I just wouldn't since I meant nothing to this stranger.
He barked out a cruel laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. "You didn't before because I had Amelia … Now that she's dead, you're fine with fucking me again. That's sensible."
"She was your wife," I whispered, hating the word wife on my lips.
Ruthless he surely was as he gave me a death stare. "That day of the wedding-you showing up and leaving ten minutes after you arrived-what the hell were you doing there?"
I had been there to stop him-to beg-but we had been surrounded by people and I hadn't wanted to risk embarrassment in case he'd declined me. Besides, he had gotten Amelia pregnant and agreed to be engaged and marry almost immediately. What had I had to compete with Amelia? Nothing …
"I didn't feel well that day. I was sick." And I had been sick for a long period of time, puking my guts out even when there had been nothing left to come out. Troy had become so worried that he'd actually taken me to the hospital when blood started to show along with my saliva. Yes, I had been suffering more than anyone would ever know.
His questioning wasn't done. "Blake and Sienna's engagement-do you recall anything about that night?"
I remember everything that has you in it. Every. Single. Memory. "Barely," I lied through my teeth, not feeling well.
He moved closer, fingers lifting my chin to meet his eyes. "You've successfully ejected me from your life. Consistently rejecting me whenever you could. And you're planning on leaving the second you think I'm all better?"
No. "Yes-"
His fingers immediately withdrew from my face, as if it burnt him. "Well, I'm all better now."
Why did he keep fighting me? Why couldn't he for once be less defensive? Hadn't he had enough?
"Toby, please, you were okay having me around when I was in Madrid. Stop-"
Fury was back. Full throttle. "It was a weakened moment. My wife had just died and our baby was dying, what did you expect?"
His wife …
He'd never referenced her in that way before-not to me anyway. She had simply been Amelia, the woman he'd felt compelled to marry. Then again, he probably had felt something for her. He had dated her for quite some time, had sex with her, shared a home with her. They even made a baby …
I summoned enough strength to ask him one last question. "Did you … realize that she meant so much more after she passed? Is that why you're so angry?" It would make a lot of sense.
Breaking eye contact, his fierce gaze left a vicious curl in my stomach, as if I knew what he was going to say before his lips parted to speak.
"Yes, I did. Now I just have to live with my regrets."
He'd loved her, of course he had. I desperately wanted to ask if he felt anything for me, however I was too much of a coward to hear him say that he didn't any longer. The happiness I had found with him, the memories that had brought me so much in life, felt like they needed some protection from him. I just wanted to preserve it and not taint it with memories of him and his wife.
"Am I permitted to leave?" I managed to ask, gripping my purse tightly.
"Why? Can't wait a minute longer to have him fuck you senseless?"
Was he not exhausted?
I was holding down my scream, so when I saw him about to fire more words at me, I simply did just that. "Stop-stop! This is madness. Let's not ruin whatever's left between us!"
"Nothing is left. Where the fuck have you been, Lucy?" Vile words. Pure, utter garbage.
"Nothing? You feel nothing for me?" I felt crippled, as if he'd stolen everything from me. And maybe he just had.
"Are you asking me if I still love you?"
I pathetically nodded, still desperate for crumbs … something … "Yes. I am asking just that."
"Do I look like a man in love with you, Lucy?"
"No … you do not," I said it in a hushed whisper, barely standing on my shaky legs, crushed and completely destroyed.
"Well, there you have it."
I felt faint. My body started to panic, going through such raw emotions, one hurt after the other, exhausting itself. It, too, has given up on me, I thought darkly, feeling like a joke.
"Do you mind if I take that bed upstairs? I'll leave first thing in the morning if that helps you decide to let me stay for a few hours." I needed shelter, away from him, from everyone.
He made a curt nod before I excused myself to seek the room. I immediately found one the moment I stepped on the landing, gunning towards it, as if I would die immediately if I didn't get inside.
I was a strong woman and I wasn't going to let him see me cry. Locking the door behind me, I was immediately blinded by darkness. With no idea where the light switch was located, I waited until my watery sight could see enough until I chose a spot to call my own.
I remained sitting on the carpeted floor with my chin on my knees, wrapped around my arms, leaning against the foot of the bed. It was only then I set it free. The hurtful words. The pain it had cost me when I'd heard him confirm that he'd loved her all along. Most of all, I cried for losing him again.
"Sorry fellas, but I'm peckish," Toby declared, grumbling.
Smiling at him, I asked, "What do you fancy? We could grab something on the way home." I kissed his cheek and rested my head against his shoulder, overwhelmed with such intense love for him.
"Spaghetti," he said with a smile. We were all relieved that Chad was getting better and seeing Toby look so happy had brought bliss and contentment into my life.
Gazing at him with my heart, I granted his wish. "Then spaghetti it is."
He then nuzzled my neck before leaving a kiss on my forehead, breathing me in. "I love you."
"I love you." For always. Forever.
There was a faint knock on the door, bringing me back out of my bittersweet memory of him. Those had been the good days. It hurt to mourn the man that he used to be. If I could trade a decade of my life for a minute with the old him, I gladly would until I ran out of life.
"Lucy!" The knob wiggled before he knocked again. "Open the door."
No. I couldn't.
"Please-" His voice softened, reminding me of how he had been when back when he was sweet and kind. "I just-I was hoping we could talk … "
Crawling on my knees, I went towards the door, softly leaning against it, closing my eyes. "I'm tired, Toby. I need to rest."
"Open up."
Tears streamed down my face as I shook my head. "No. I think we've done enough." There was nothing left. He was right.
"Luce, I'm sorry."
I smiled bitterly. Sadly. I understood it all because I loved him. "Me, too," I whispered in vain.
"What happens now, Lucy?" He sounded broken, as if he was hurting.
We had nothing in common. Nothing to give to each other. So what else was there?
"We forget about each other." I could at least attempt to make that happen. The chances were nil, but I was going to try.
"Luce?"
Wiping my tears away, I slowly got up and laid on the bed, curling up in a fetal position.
"Lucy?" he asked again through the door, however I held my tongue from responding.