Chasing Forever(Chasing Series #4)(26)

"No. Of course I know that, Luce, but all I'm saying is that I actually felt bad. I felt sorry for her. It must've been grueling to see the man you love be happy with someone else. I now understand her pain."

Amelia had truly been one difficult character to understand. She had been covered in layers upon layers, hiding the real woman underneath the sass, the bite and the sharp tongue. I understood her, too, in a way. Yet, I still couldn't fathom the string of pain she had caused for so many people because she had been hurting inside. There was no excuse for such callous behavior, no matter the depth of your bereavement.

We all had our crosses to bear, and it was up to each person how to carry on with that heavy pillar pressing against them, weighing them down until they could no longer take another step on the dusty, cobbled road ahead of them. Or one could at least try, persevere and hope for the best; that sooner rather than later the roads ahead would start to clear their way, making their feet ache less from each step they took.

The cross would always be there, no matter where you went, no matter the stages in life. You just had to endure. You had to appreciate the pain even if it gutted you alive. You had to withstand it all, knowing that others had it worse than you, and yet, they had come out celebrating the journey, proudly bearing their scars. Trusting and loving oneself was the key to not giving up faith, believing that, someday, it would be you rejoicing your journey.   





 

Our mood was somber when Blake strode out with a questioning look about him. I hadn't come here to bring back the past, I'd come here to deal with present problems.

"I need a key to his place."

"You could ask him, you know. Have you ever thought of that?"

I gave Blake a you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me look. "You know he won't, so why ask?"

Blake shrugged before sitting on the foot of the bed, taking Santini in his arms and showering him with kisses. "He's having such a gutting time, Luce. Baiting him with something he couldn't have would be downright cruel."

"How is wanting to make sure he's okay considered cruel?"

He arched one aristocratic brow. "Need you ask?"

Well, then …  "What if I could help? What if I can get through to him, be there with him?"

"This will put him in a severe situation. What happens when you fancy dating another man? No," he shook his head disapprovingly, "I will not see my best friend go through another round of hell, Luce."

"He's got a point," Sienna interjected, agreeing with him.

Hurting him wasn't my intention. I just-I needed to see him, to make sure he was okay. I just needed to …  "I can't say I blame you both for protecting him, but I just want you guys to trust me. I promise I won't hurt him-I swear on my life. Please, trust me on this?"

Blake was tormented. He didn't want to break his friend's trust, yet he knew that he had to save him somehow. "He hasn't returned my calls, nor has he opened his library door to let me in. He's holing up in there, quite possibly drowning himself in alcohol. Heavens knows when he'll eventually resurface."

I had heard about his alcohol problem after he and I had broken up. However, whenever I had seen him before, he had seemed fine and could handle his drinks like the usual man I'd dated back in the day.

"Guess this is better than not doing much of anything at all. Our efforts aren't working, so maybe Lucy's method will," Sienna said as she got up with her silk chemise, showing a great amount of skin and her toned curves from her dancing. She rummaged into her purse before plucking out her keys. She then took one out, throwing it towards me. It landed on the side of my leg.

"If he asks about the key, I had nothing to do with it." Blake took it from the sheet and handed it to me.

"Thank you!" I jumped out of bed, showering them with floating kisses as I slipped into my shoes and walked out of there as fast as I could. I didn't want to give them a chance to change their minds, and of course, I also couldn't deny the obvious, that I wanted to head straight to his house in Hyde Park on Park Lane.

Since it was early with not much traffic activity, it didn't take long until for me to reach his place. My enthusiasm had died down the moment I got out of the cab and stood outside his home, dauntingly eyeing it with anxiety.

Go on, what are you waiting for? My mind mocked me as I began to move towards the steps, pulling the silver key from my pocket and inserting it into the keyhole.

Once inside, I could faintly hear music drifting somewhere from the hall as I slowly made my way deeper into the house. In the kitchen, I staggered, finding paper bags from different restaurants containing his favorite dishes had been left untouched. The opposite wall had boxes of liquor. If I had no idea where I was, I'd think someone was throwing a party. Well, maybe he was-a party for one.

Following the music, I halted outside his library door.

"Toby?" I knocked a few times, one louder than the other. "Are you in here?" I pushed my weight on the door, prying the knob to budge open, but nothing worked. Giving a few more knocks and still nothing, I sighed, figuring that he'd come out sooner or later.

Besides, overtiredness made me dizzy, so I strode towards the living room, looking for the perfect place to rest for a little while as I waited on him to come out of his hiding.

I just needed a shuteye, an hour tops.





Chapter 23

Lucy



"Lucy?"

The sound of his stricken voice stinging my eardrums immediately woke me out of my dream. Sitting up, I brushed the hair off my face when I saw him stride towards me like a dark, fallen angel. The asshole kind.

"What are you doing here?" His eyes flicked up and down, noting how shabby and sleepy I was. "You've been here this whole time?"

Why was he glaring at me like I was some unknown intruder?

Sighing, I gazed at him apologetically. "Sort of."

He brooded some more. "Do you need something?"

Rude much? His unfeeling demeanor was getting to be too much. Since I had somewhat trespassed, though, I couldn't really blame him. "Not really. I thought you'd like company."   





 

"How hard is it to understand that I need to be alone?" He sounded grating, condescending.

With a shaky breath, I got onto my feet, looking sorry. "Let me be here for you, Toby."

I saw him flinch, as if it was the last thing he wanted because it was coming from me.

"There's a spare room upstairs. You can use that for tonight, but please be out of here by morning."

He had never spoken to me that way. Never.

"You don't mean that-that's a little harsh."

"Harsh?" He looked a tad offended, blue eyes turned into something dark, almost black. "You're one to talk about harsh! Don't you remember how harsh you were when you so callously threw me out of your life?"

We were back there again. Unfortunately.

It always came back to the root of everything-our demise. "I'm sorry … " I apologized. "There's nothing I can do to change the past. Dwelling on it won't help-weren't you the one to suggest that we stay friends before? Well, here I am, wanting to be one-"

He brushed my words to the side. "There's nothing I want-not a fucking damn thing!"

Opening my mouth, I wanted to say something about how our bond had become stronger in Madrid, but what had come out of his mouth had offended me to no end.

"Please leave."

I was beyond hurt, but I wanted to be strong, braver; to help him battle his own terrors. "No." I stood my ground. His words had cut deep, however I'd take on as much as I could until I could no longer withstand it. I had to keep trying, I supposed.

Toby flashed me an irritated look. "I'm too drunk to have you around."

"I don't mind you drunk." I didn't mind him. Period.

He huffed, looking at me heatedly. "Well, you should."

"Well, I don't." My skin flushed from his thorough perusal. If this was his tactic to scare me off, he should do better.

Our gazes connected like magnets, attracting each other. I felt the power of his pull overpowering my body as he progressed towards me.

"I want to fuck you, Luce. I can still remember how it is to break you open while I slowly sheath my greedy cock with your sweet warmth. You would sob, cry out my name, as I piston in and out of you. All the while looking at you gloriously wild with abandon … " Blatantly, he stared at the slopes of my breasts before taking out his tongue, licking the bottom of his lip as he drugged me with carnal, explicit thoughts. "You gave me the world …  for quite some time … "

My chest heaved, nipples aching from the command of his sight, mouth thirsty to taste him …  all of him.

"But … " he trailed off, continuing being vicious. "Then we were off to shag different people, right? Did you like the other men enjoying you the way I did? Did they pleasure you just the way you liked it?"

They were thorns not daggers, yet it still penetrated me, piercing small holes into my heart, bleeding me gently. "No. There's no one like you."

He huffed, stepping closer to read my depths, taking me in. Drowning me in his eyes. "I love …  the way you lie."

"You're hurting me, Toby. Let me in. Let me stay. I want to help … " Common sense left me as I bared a little of myself again, needing to let him in.