Charade(70)

“No,” I whisper, but still can’t look at her. “It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.” I pause and take a few breaths. “Colt could die…. Or have lasting injuries. He just lost his mom and he could lose so much more on top of that. In a second. Because of a stupid fight. We wasted so much time playing games… He gave me so much and I never told him.”

Lily’s hands shake. I know she’s crying. But I still keep talking. “I’d like to tell you everything… More about growing up and about how I feel… If you want to know.”

The words aren’t as hard as I thought they would be. They actually feel freeing.

“Oh, Cheyenne. I would love nothing more.”

“I also want to talk to someone else. A doctor or something. Can you… Can you help me set it up?”

“Absolutely.”

Finally I turn to look at her, but don’t let myself let go of Colt’s hand.

“Your mom never asked for help. Not the kind she needed. You’re a very strong, brave woman, Cheyenne. I couldn’t be more proud of you.”

In this moment, I’m pretty proud of me too.

“Thank you.” I turn back to Colt. Lay my head on his bed. “You’d be proud of me too. I know it. I can’t wait until you wake up so I can tell you.”

***

“How did you and Colt meet?” I ask Adrian. It’s been a day and a half. I haven’t left the hospital. Adrian’s stayed most of the time. Aunt Lily and Maggie have both come and gone. No one tries to make me leave, probably because they know I won’t.

“We got into a fight when he fucked around with a girl I was seeing.”

I turn and look at Colt’s “brother.” I’m sure the hospital staff knows we’re lying, but they’ve been okay with it. “Tell me you’re kidding.”

“Would I lie about something so serious?” He grins, leaned back in the chair. He looks comfortable, but I know he’s not. Know he’s just as scared as I am.

“You guys are nuts.” I shake my head. “What happened?”

“Punched each other a few times. Then I told him he had a nice swing, but he’d screw up his thumb if he kept his fist the way he held it. He told me to fuck off. I asked him if he wanted to smoke a bowl and we were all good after that.”

I don’t know why I’m surprised. “Guys are so crazy.”

Adrian shakes his head. “We’re a lot easier than girls. They take everything too serious. Plus, I knew we’d be cool.” He taps the side of his forehead.

“That’s right. All knowing Adrian.”

“You bet your ass. Just like I know he’ll be okay. He wouldn’t leave you. He’s too loyal for that shit. Cares about you too much.”

I smile at Adrian and choose to believe him. Wonder if Adrian needs Colt too. I have a feeling Colt wouldn’t want to leave Adrian either.

***

Another day passes.

“His latest scans look really good. Good brain activity. The bleed is gone. We’re going to start decreasing the medication and hope he wakes up. We’ll have more answers after that.” The doctor smiles at me and I try to return it.

“Thank you.”

“You’re doing good. Keep doing what you’re doing. Hold his hand. Talk to him. I believe he can hear you.”

She walks out of the room. I know he can hear me too.

***

“They’ve been decreasing your medication Colt. They say you can wake up any time. I can’t wait to see your eyes again. You have to open them for me, okay?”

I try to hold the tears back. I want to sound happy. Strong for him.

“You can even call me princess if you want. Not for long, but I miss fighting with you. Miss that big head and bigger attitude you have.”

Leaning forward, I kiss his hand.

“I told Lily I’m going to talk to someone. I think it will help. It’s because of you, ya know? That I’m stronger. God, I used to think you were such a jerk. I can’t believe I didn’t see it. You don’t know it, but you’re everything Colt. No one makes me feel the way you do and I need you. Maybe it’s not good to need people and maybe that makes me weak. I don’t know, but I know I need you. I want you. You push me when I need it and give in when I need that too. Your strength gives me strength and I want to do that for you too.

“My aunt and uncle are taking care of your mom. The funeral home is holding her for you. We don’t want to bury her without you. You deserve to be there. But you have to open your eyes, okay. Please open your eyes soon. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

***