He’s been screwing other girls! I can’t look past that.
I fight back the tears smashing against the dam of my eyelids. “No, Gregory. We don’t belong together.”
He stands between the bed and me, his boxers all crooked, looking very...shall we say, deflated? “What are you saying, Chey? You want to break up?” He huffs a frustrated laugh. “That’s a crap idea. You don’t even know anybody here. None of the guys are going to go after you. They know you’re mine.”
His ego makes me nauseous. I won’t be that girl. Won’t be alone, and need him like he thinks.
“I am not yours.”
“Chey…” He’s trying to sound all gentle. “I’m just saying that’s how they’ll always see you.”
“Not everyone,” I say, trying to smirk. Trying to show him I don’t need him.
His face hardens and his eyes slant.
“Who? Someone’s been hitting on you?”
Actually, I’ve only hung out with Gregory and his frat brothers. It’s all lies, but the pissed off look on his face fuels me.
“That’s none of your business,” I say, crossing my arms. “All you need to know is, while we were together I never cheated. But we’re not together anymore.” Let him suffer with that thought the way I’ll suffer with the images of him and Red in bed naked together. I turn to leave.
“Cheyenne!” he calls after me, but I keep going, slamming the door to his apartment. I don’t drive very far before pulling off to the side of the road. In the safety of my car, I give myself five minutes to let go. Five minutes for the loud sobs to wrack my body.
How could I have given him power over me? Any power? Gregory was supposed to be my normal. Constant. He wasn’t supposed to leave me. More tears. My head drops forward against the steering wheel. All the pain inside me wells up, sloughing up old dirt I haven’t let myself think about for so long.
“Baby, Mommy, will be right back, okay? You stay in this room till I come back.”
Mama kisses my forehead and walks out of the room. It’s loud. So loud with the music and the banging that I put my hands over my ears. She said she wouldn’t leave me. That she’d never leave me alone again.
I huddle in the corner, my knees pulled up to my chest and my hands still on my ears and my eyes squeezed closed. She’ll be right back. She promised. The door pushes open and I don’t know how I know, but I do. I let out a breath, knowing it has to be her. My eyes jerk open. A guy, a big guy with a beard comes in and a woman too. They’re kissing and it’s gross. Their hands are all over each other. What are they doing?
“Vince. There’s a kid in the corner.” For a second I wonder if they’ll help me. If they’ll find my mama for me, but then they both start to laugh. My eyes are stinging and tears slide down my cheeks.
“Get out of here, kid! You don’t wanna see this.” The scary man yells. He’s right. I just want Mama. I want to go home.
I push to my feet and run out of the room. There are people everywhere. So many people I can hardly get through. They push me and step on me and the music is so loud it makes my heart pound.
I keep searching through the house. Searching for people. For Mama. The house stinks, but I don’t know what the smell is. Someone spills a drink on me and I cry harder. This smell I know. It’s beer. Mama’s old boyfriend used to like to drink it.
No one offers to help me.
I can’t find Mama.
She left me alone.
Another voice. Another man… “I’ll help you find your mama…”
Sitting up, I shudder and wipe the tears away. I’m not that kid anymore. I don’t want to be defined by those memories. I try to focus on the here and now.
I might not have completely let Gregory into my heart like normal girlfriends do, but I trusted him more than I should have. I vow to myself right then and there I will never make that mistake again. People hurt you if you let them. I won’t be hurt again.
With a glance in the mirror I see that I look halfway decent. There’s only a light pink tinge to my dark brown eyes. No red blotches mark my clear skin. Opening my purse, I pull out my eyeliner and reapply. Mascara comes next. I even add a little lip gloss. Still looking in the mirror I reiterate, “I’m not that kid anymore.”
That quickly, I’m Cheyenne Marshall again. Not the little girl at that party—the girl who gets abandoned and panics. I’m stronger than that. I’m the Cheyenne Marshall I fought to become.
One deep breath later, I start the car again and drive away.
***
“Men are such assholes. My last boyfriend cheated on me, too. Things are so much easier with Veronica.”