Deuce and Lindsay were also standing with him as his groomspeople. It was perfect.
As the Wedding March began to play, I watched the bridesmaids start the trek from the foyer, through the garden and to the gazebo. It was a longer walk than most traditional wedding aisles. But it gave me time to think over the past eighteen months of my life.
I was such a mess when Jason came into our lives and I didn’t even know it. I was numb to any form of love outside my inner circle. And truth be told, I didn’t believe I was worth it. When your own husband doesn’t think you’re worth it, well, that does some deep, deep damage.
But Jason came along and taught me that all my flaws, those aren’t really flaws. They’re just part of who I am. They’re part of what makes me, me. And he showed me that I am worth it. He spends every day making sure I’m comfortable with his job and the publicity that goes with it. He makes sure to tell me how attractive I am, even when I got walking pneumonia last year and gained fifteen pounds due to some steroids I had to be put on. He makes sure that I know just how important I am to him. And he does the same thing for my son.
Our son.
Shortly after our engagement, Jason approached me about adopting Jaxon. At first, I was hesitant, but the more I thought about it, the more I remembered that anything can happen in an instant. If something were to happen to me, I didn’t want there to be any question about where Jaxon would end up. I never wanted Jaxon to be without any parents. If Jason adopted him, they would always have each other no matter what.
So just two weeks from today, we’ll be standing in front of a judge in a courthouse saying a different kind of “I do” and committing our family to each other.
Maybe the most important thing Jason did was let me grieve. I didn’t realize how much I had been holding inside until that first day when I met Sara. All my emotions were bottled up so tight, that once the top came off, the waterworks came frequently. Jason was so understanding. He would just hold me while I cried and let me babble about specific memories that still hurt. It took a little time, but eventually the tears dried up.
I will always miss Austin. Cheating bastard or not, I loved him once. And he loved me. He gave me the greatest gift of my life when he gave me Jaxon and for that I would always be grateful.
But today, we were all moving on. Today, we were starting a new life. Today, we were getting married.
As I followed my bridesmaids and finally made it to the gazebo, I saw my big boy standing up there all proud in his little tuxedo. Jax looked so happy I was afraid he was going to start hopping up and down with excitement. But he didn’t. He just looked at me as I walked with a big smile on his face.
And then I looked up and there he was.
As I looked into the eyes of my love I couldn’t help but want to run straight into his arms. Jason was everything I had ever wanted wrapped up in a six foot five, two hundred and thirty-pound package. His classic black tuxedo was tailored to perfection, making my heart race a little faster.
He was everything to me.
My lover.
My best friend.
My hero.
My Hart.
First, let me warn you, I love acknowledgements. I read them after every single book, so mine may be lengthy! But these people each deserve to be recognized individually. So here we go.
To the “real” Lindsay: you got tired of seeing me stuck in my head with a story running through it like a movie reel and said, “Just write it down”. So I did. Thank you for being annoyed enough with me to encourage me to write it down so I could come back to the land of the living. Because I never, EVER thought I could do this. You may suck as a beta reader, but you’re an awesome KWBFF. Thanks, Ballsack.
Brenda Rothert, sending you the first three chapters was one of the scariest moments of my entire life. And when you emailed back with “Duuuuuuuude…..I really like it”, it was one of the most exhilarating. This has been such an exhausting process, but I so, so appreciate you allowing me to ask questions and vent frustrations and small milestones. (Hey reader…if you haven’t checked out her Fire on Ice series, it’s awesome. And Bound is free, so GET IT!! No…get them all. You won’t regret it.)
Murphy, my editor, my friend, my fake sister. Someday, we’re going to road trip to your real sister’s house where we will relax and refresh, talking religion and my lack of musical knowledge in a non judgy way, while Heath makes us hot dogs and Colleen reads to us out of her latest release, all while Griffin serenades us with a song written about us. Then we’ll head over to Georgia and hang out at Phillip Phillips aunt’s house while we wait for him to show up at a family reunion . Put it on your calendar. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Not just for editing, but for saying “I’m so glad it doesn’t suck because now I don’t have to lie to you!!” I’m so glad you decided you wanted to be my friend. I like you, too.