Her eyes softened and she took a step toward me, placing her hand on my arm. “Are you in love with him?”
“I can’t do this. Not here!” I swallowed a sob as I walked over and bent down, placing my lips on the cold granite of Mike’s headstone. “I love you,” I whispered before I stood up and hurried back to Taylor’s truck.
Taylor followed several steps behind me, not saying a word as she unlocked the truck and we both hopped in.
The drive home was horrible and awkward, and I just wanted to be out of the car. Panic flared up in my belly when instead of turning left into my subdivision, she turned right, headed toward the Starbucks.
“What are you doing?” I asked, looking out my window to avoid her eyes.
I felt her hand on top of mine and turned my head toward her. “This is long overdue,” she said with a tight smile.
We ordered our drinks—black tea lemonade for me and a chai tea latte for her—and found a small table in the back corner.
Neither of us wanted to start the conversation. That was obvious by the way we both stared out the window not speaking, but I also needed to get home eventually.
“Listen, I’m all for hanging out with you anytime, but this isn’t necessary right now. It’s really nothing, I swear.” I tried to smile convincingly as I shrugged.
“Michelle,”—she cocked her head to the side—“I’m not an idiot. Lemonheads don’t make most people cry for no reason.”
Just the mention of the candy made my face pinch together as I looked down at the table and tried to hood my eyes with my hand.
“Honey, what’s going on?” she said in a soft tone as she reached across the table and rubbed my forearm gently. “Are you in love with Viper?”
I couldn’t lift my head to look her in the eye, and if I opened my mouth to respond, I was going to sob, so I just nodded.
She got off of her chair and moved it around to my side of the table, where she sat back down and put her arm around my shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Before I could say anything, she lifted her hand and slammed it back down onto the table. “Because you haven’t been around in months, Taylor, you idiot,” she said to herself.
“You’re not an idiot.” I took a shaky breath as I wiped my eyes on a crumpled-up Starbucks napkin.
“How long has this been going on?”
I shrugged. “I don’t even know. One day he was just… Viper. Then eventually, the more we hung out and I saw him interact with Matthew, I don’t know, suddenly it was just different. I didn’t tell you because I’m ashamed. I don’t want you to hate me.”
“Why do you think I would hate you?”
I dropped my hands to the table. “Why wouldn’t you hate me? I was married to your brother.”
“Right, and you were an amazing wife to him for many years, Michelle. It’s not like you cheated on him and broke his heart. Then I would probably hate you, but this is different. So different.”
“I know, but Mike hasn’t even been gone a full year yet.” I stared down at the table, embarrassed at the words coming out of my mouth.
“Oh.” She nodded. “I didn’t know that was the magic number.”
My head lifted. “Huh?”
“One year. Three hundred sixty-five days. I didn’t know that was the official ‘you can’t fall in love with anyone else’ waiting period after your spouse dies,” she said sarcastically, making air quotes with her fingers. “Give me a break. There is no time frame. There are no rules. And people who tell you otherwise can go fuck themselves. You’ve known Viper for years. Had you met some random dude in a bar the week after the funeral, I might have thought you were a little nutty, but that’s not what this is at all.”
Taylor’s words made me want to break down all over again. Knowing that she didn’t judge me or think less of me meant more to me than anything else.
“I love your brother.” I sniffled and corrected myself. “I loved your brother.”
“I know you do. I know you did.” Her eyebrows lifted as she smiled and nodded. She laid her head on my shoulder. “And he loved you.”
“None of this matters anyway.” I threw my napkin down on the table and sighed. “Nothing is going to happen with me and Viper anyway. This whole conversation is pointless.”
“Wait,”—she straightened up and looked at me—“why isn’t it gonna happen?”
“We got into a fight a couple weeks ago and I told him to leave.”
“Awww.” She stuck out her bottom lip. “And he hasn’t called since?”