“Momma!” Matthew called out from down the hall. “My movie is over. Can you get the Legos down for me?”
Michelle blinked and looked away, wiping her face with the dish towel before leaving the kitchen.
Fuck. Leave the house now.
I turned toward the sink and gripped the edge of the counter.
“Calm the fuck down,” I said to myself quietly. “It was just a food fight.”
Yeah? Then why is your heart racing, asshole?
While Michelle was down the hall with Matthew, my phone beeped. I frowned at the screen, not recognizing the number. I hit the button anyway and opened it.
Hey, Viper! It’s Anna… Portland. Listen, I can’t stop thinking about the other night and how sweet you were when you were in here with the kids. I’m off tonight and was wondering if you were free? Let me know! XOXO
I stared down at that message for about ten seconds and deleted it.
“Ahhh, Legos to the rescue,” Michelle joked as she came back into the kitchen. She noticed my phone in my hand and motioned toward it. “Who’s that? Do you need to go?”
“Nope. No one important.” I set my phone down on the counter and turned back to Michelle. “Let me help you clean up this mess before the sauce dries onto your cabinets.”
THE MORNING AFTER Lasagnagate 2015, I sat at the kitchen table, zoning out while Maura and Matthew slept in. Technically, they weren’t sleeping in, but I was up earlier than normal. I hadn’t slept much the night before, not in a while, actually.
I stared out into the backyard, replaying the night before over and over in my head. The way Viper’s arms had flexed when he stirred the onions and mushrooms in the pan. The way he’d smelled when he leaned in close and put those same arms around me to show me how to layer the noodles just perfectly. The playful grin on his face as he’d flicked red sauce all over me. The way he’d looked at me when he wiped the sauce off the end of my nose. All those memories made the butterflies in my stomach, which were still there from last night, wake up and start fluttering again.
We’d had a moment. A definite moment where I’d stared up at him, begging for something, but I wasn’t sure if it was for him to kiss me or leave and never come back.
My phone beeped, and it scared me so bad I nearly fell out of my chair.
My daily Viper text.
V: Good morning.
I took a deep breath, silently begging the butterflies to not only calm down, but to go away altogether. This couldn’t happen. We couldn’t happen.
Good morning.
V: I would ask if you needed anything, but I’m about to board a plane for a three day road trip, so if you needed anything, I wouldn’t be much help anyway. I still wanted to say hi though.
His words made me smile.
I’m good anyway. Don’t need anything, but thank you. Good luck on the road.
He didn’t text back again, but I was sure he wanted to; and I know he wanted to because I wanted him to. Every time we were together, this pull between us got stronger and stronger, but neither of us was willing to acknowledge it, and that’s the way it needed to stay. For Mike.
I took a deep breath and puffed my cheeks out, determined to get out of the house and do something fun with Matthew and Maura. We’d spent enough time cooped up in the house as depressed balls of nothingness. I quickly packed up lunches and a bag for the day and woke my babies, ready to go have some fun. Ready to show them a momma who could handle anything life threw at her.
HOURS LATER, I pulled onto my street and hit the garage button on my visor. I turned into the driveway, startling Jodi, who was stepping off of my porch. She waved at me and crossed her arms, walking over to my van.
“Hey, you,” I said as I opened the van door, gently lifting a sleeping Maura out of her car seat while Matthew hopped out on his own.
“Hi. Where have you guys been all day? I’ve knocked like three times.” She reached over, took my bag from me, and threw it over her shoulder.
“Thanks.” I hit the button to close the van and scrambled to find my house key on the ring. “First, we went to the petting zoo, and Matthew fed a goat while Maura ate the goat food off the ground.”
“Gross.”
“Then we went out to lunch at this place Viper took Matthew, and I spent the whole time pulling whole peanuts out of Maura’s mouth.” I laughed, finally getting the door open. “Needless to say, I’m ready for a glass of wine. Wanna join me?”
“Yes, please,” Jodi answered eagerly.
I put Maura in her bed and put SpongeBob SquarePants on for Matthew before pouring two very large glasses of wine for Jodi and me.
“Look at you today.” She shook her head. “You’re supermom.”