Cement Heart(27)

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” a voice from behind me said.

I turned to see a nurse in blue scrubs frozen in the doorway, but I didn’t say anything back.

“I just need to check his vitals real quick, then you can have all the time you need, okay?” She smiled cheerfully as she passed me and walked over to him.

All the time I need? I need forever. Okay? Can you make that happen?

“Is he in pain?” I asked.

She pressed her lips together and looked sadly down at Mike. “No, he’s very comfortable.”

He’s not comfortable.

I watched her as she moved around him in a practiced way, like she’d done this a thousand times before. I had no clue what she was doing, and honestly, I didn’t care. Unless she was going to wave a magic wand and wake my best friend up, I just wanted her to leave.

While she was doing whatever she was doing, I walked over to the small blue chair they had in the corner of the room and sat down.

Why was everything in hospitals always blue? Blue scrubs on the nurses, blue furniture in the rooms, blue curtains hanging on the windows, blue blankets on the beds. No wonder blue has always been such a depressing fucking color.

I pulled back the curtain and looked out the window next to me. It was sunny as hell outside and that pissed me off all over again. What pissed me off more were the people I saw going about their days, acting completely normal.

Two women sat on a blanket eating and laughing.

Bitches.

A man sitting on a bench pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and turned the page in his book.

Wonder if he’s a doctor. Maybe he can save Mike.

“Okay, I’m done here. Take your time.” She squeezed my arm as she walked by my chair. I never even looked up at her. I’d never despised a woman’s touch more than that very second. Closing the curtain and knowing I couldn’t avoid it for much longer, I lowered my head into my hands and sighed. I was supposed to be saying good-bye to my best friend, but all I wanted to do was run out of the room and down the hall and forget the last three days had ever happened.

Do not cry.

“I’ve never said good-bye like this to anyone before,” I said in a shaky voice, still staring down at the ground. “I don’t know how to begin or what to say.”

I paused, half expecting him to sit up and answer me.

“How did we get here?” I finally sat back in the chair and looked up at him. “A few days ago we were sitting at my house, not playing poker, and now we’re here. One stupid bet led to this. One stupid bet plus my stupid pride.”

Another long pause while I stared up at the ceiling. Every muscle in my body ached from the tension I felt sitting there in that room with my dying best friend.

My brother.

“I’m sorry, Mike. I’m so, so fucking sorry.” My eyes stung as they started to water, but I didn’t care anymore. “I wish I could go back. I wish I could take that hit back. I’d wear that fucking tutu every day for the rest of my life.” Tears ran down my cheeks, and they felt good. So fucking good.

“This is just so fucking unfair. I did this. I should be the one lying in that bed, and you should be going home tonight with Michelle and the kids. I hope you know I would give anything to make that happen.”

My mind raced a mile a minute.

“I have to make that happen. I have to find a way to make this right. One of the last conversations we ever had, you teased me about having a cement heart. I have to prove that’s not true, and the only way I can do that is to take care of Michelle and the kids for you.” I hurried over to the bed, my blood rushing through my body as I took his hand. Practically begging, I continued, “I mean it, Mike. Whatever they need until Maura is eighteen. I’ll be the stand-in. I won’t be near as good as you would’ve been, but I’ll do it.” I let out a sob, something I hadn’t done in years. “I’ll do anything for you. I love you.”



Mike died at 7:21 p.m.





MY DOORBELL RANG for the third time, but I didn’t move off of my couch. I knew who it was, and I didn’t care. Within a minute, Brody appeared at the sliding glass door in my kitchen, cupping his face with his hands as he peeked through the door. He saw me staring back at him.

“Hey!” he yelled as he banged on the glass. “Open the damn door!”

My arms and legs felt like they weighed a hundred pounds each, and it took all my strength to peel myself off of the couch and go unlock the door.

“What the fuck?” He frowned, closing the door behind him. “Did you hear me ringing the bell?”

I walked over and lay back on my couch again. “Yep.”

“Why aren’t you dressed? We have to leave.”