Sinead looked over his shoulder to Jillian. “Is he kidding me with this?”
She shrugged. “’Fraid not.”
“Will you two stop it?” Declan said, clearly getting annoyed. “This is serious. Sinead, I’m not putting you in harm’s way.”
“Check it, Dec. You’re not putting me anywhere. I’m accompanying you to your rendezvous to meet the asshole who put a tracking device on my car, using me to get to you and Mary. Note, I don’t like to get used. I know what I’m doing with a gun and I’m going.”
“I believe we’re about to get into another argument,” he said calmly.
She reached up to cup his face. A face that was now tight with anger and most likely concern. “Dec, I get it. You need to be the hero. The defender of all. Certainly the defender of women everywhere. But that also makes you sort of a sexist asshole when I’m telling you I can handle my own shit. You don’t want to be a sexist asshole, do you?”
His jaw ticked. “I’m not a sexist asshole.”
“You sort of are,” Jillian confirmed. “But if you let Sinead go with us, maybe there is a chance you can be reformed.”
Sinead smiled and patted his face. “That’s right. There’s a chance for you. You need to reach for that chance with both hands. Jillian, do you have a sufficient number of weapons you can load me up with?”
“I can most definitely can hook a bitch up,” Jillian laughed. “Let’s go.”
“You’ll see,” Sinead told Declan, patting him gently on the shoulder. “You’ll like being a feminist.”
Which had Flynn busting a gut and Declan looking very much like a man who still wanted to argue but who had no argument left.
The two women left the library together to head toward Jillian’s room. Apparently, she always traveled fully stocked for any occasion. Including confrontations with abusive ex-husbands.
“Can I ask you something?” Sinead said, hating the lingering bit of jealousy that remained anytime she was reminded of Jillian and Dec’s former relationship. “That was why you two couldn’t make it work. Wasn’t it? He wanted you to hang back when things got dangerous.”
“That was exactly why. Once I got into this work I wanted to push every limit I had. Dec wanted to wrap me up in cotton balls and put me in a closet somewhere. Don’t get me wrong, I get it. He has all his mommy issues, and with Mary that was his role. It just wasn’t a good fit for me.”
“Did you love him?”
Jillian laughed, which Sinead thought was a good sign. “Uh, no. Love is not something I do. It’s filled with all that… emotion and heartsickness. No, Dec and I were about… well, I’m sure you know how he is in…”
“Yeah. Let’s not go there,” Sinead said, stopping her pretty quickly.
“Right. But I think that was the other part of our problem. When I met Dec I would have said he was just like me. Hard. Focused. No time for things like love. I knew he had a soft spot for Mary, but that was it. As I got to know him better I realized he wanted more than that. Certainly more than I had to give. Not that he ever asked. You’re probably not going to believe this, but I’m really happy he found you. Happy you’re willing to give all the mushy stuff.”
Sinead did believe her. Jillian was clearly a smart, strong, beautiful woman but there was also something about her that said don’t touch. Don’t get too close.
Sinead thought about what Declan had told her about why he’d asked her out that first time. Because she’d looked at him with open interest. Her feelings out there for him to see. Not hidden behind any masks.
It was the fact she’d made herself vulnerable to him so early, so easily that allowed him to do the same with her. Something he probably didn’t realize he even wanted.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever known someone who needed to be loved as much as he does,” Sinead told her. “He makes it easy.”
“See, there. Right now. That look in your eyes. It screams mushy stuff. Frankly, I think it makes most women look ridiculous. Maybe not so bad on you.”
They made it to Jillian’s room and Jillian headed directly for a walk-in closet. She came back with a duffel bag she tossed on the bed and opened. It was filled with guns. Different models, different calibers. Big. Small. Medium.
Jillian was not messing around. She pulled out a Sig Sauer P220 and tossed it to Sinead.
Sinead looked down at the weapon in her hand and smiled. “Nice.”
“It’s an elegant weapon with a lot of power. Should serve you well enough.”