Catalyst(90)

“I always thought you did.”

He shook his head. “We arrived after the last battle had already taken place. I was…frustrated. Friends had died, and I wasn't there for them.”

I let his words sink in. That's exactly how I felt. So many people were putting their lives on the line, and I was sitting in here in safety. Book of Shazul or not, I shouldn't have left the princess by herself. I should have taken her away from Premier. I should have done something—anything!

“After the war, peace was tenuous at best,” Master Stradus said. “Old debts were remembered, and new alliances were formed. Countries used this time to expand their lands or resources. I foolishly got involved in a dispute between two principalities over mining rights in the Daleth Mountains.

“I wanted to help the people involved, but I also wanted to prove something to my dead friends. The situation turned into a pitched battle, and I blindly rushed into it, making things far worse.”

Master Stradus reached for his bread, then decided against it. He went for some tea but his hand shook. He clenched his fist. “People died because of me, Hellsfire.” Tears filled Master Stradus's eyes.

“Because you were late?”

“No!” He pounded his staff on the floor. “It was because I was young and foolish and rushed into things. I didn't understand the situation or what would happen when I charged in.”

I nodded in understanding. Despite how much I wanted to help Krystal and the others, it was foolish of me to rush into things. I knew that in my head; however, my heart kept going out to them. Especially her.

“My biggest mistake,” Master Stradus said in a hoarse voice, “was that I forgot my training in the heat of battle. Battles are tricky. Time doesn’t move, and then it moves far too fast. Your emotions, the sights, the smells, and the sounds will panic and confuse you. It did me. It was as if everything I had ever learned left me in the most critical moment. People died because of it.” Master Stradus wiped away some tears that had fallen down his face. “I train you so you won't make the same mistake I did. Remember that in the coming days, Hellsfire.”

I nodded. “I will, Master.”

“Good. As soon as we're done eating, we'll restock your potions. Then we’ll go.”

I didn't eat more than a couple of nibbles of my food. After hearing Master Stradus's story, I just wasn't hungry anymore. My mind kept thinking about what he had said. There was so much to learn. I started to imagine all the ways I could mess things up. I sighed. I had to trust in my training to take over when I needed it, as it had when I was buried in the bog. I couldn’t let anyone down; I couldn’t let anyone die. These thoughts weighed me down.

----

Finally, I gave up on breakfast. My stomach wouldn’t stop churning. Master Stradus had said for me to gather my things while he got the potions that had set overnight, and then meet him out front. I hurried, wanting to see Cynder alone.

Cynder was in the largest cave, practicing aerial maneuvers in the limited space. He dodged invisible enemies and weapons. When he saw me, he paused in midflight, hovering.

“What do you want, little human?” Cynder asked. “Can't you see I'm busy?”

“Doesn't look like you're busy to me. Looks like you're just flying around.”

Cynder snorted smoke. “I'm getting ready for battle, just like you should be.” He landed right beside me, his massive body looming over me. “Lucky for you, our master will be there to help you. What do you want?”

There wasn't much Master Stradus hadn’t told me about what to expect, but there was a question I hadn’t asked. It was something I thought he was no longer able to relate to, and the fact that we were about to leave had pushed it to the forefront of my mind. “I've come to ask you a question.”

“As I've told you a thousand times, I don't know why the gods made you bipedal creatures so ugly. I suppose they had a reason for making you soft and without scales. After all, not every creature can be great and beautiful, like us dragons.” Cynder craned his neck and grinned.

I was serious for once, but he didn't seem to be. “Forget it.” I turned and started to walk away.

“Wait,” Cynder said. “Ask your question.”

I stopped and stared into his red eyes. Seeing the seriousness in them, I took a deep breath. “All right. You dragons live so long, yet you’re not immortal. I wanted to know if you're scared of dying.”

Cynder paused and seemed to consider this. “I do not fear what does not exist.”

I scratched my head, trying to see if this was another riddle of his. The lack of a smile told me it wasn’t. “You don’t believe in death? Does that mean you believe in an afterlife?”