Which was what he was doing. Distancing himself from her, shutting her out. She understood he was stressed, under immense pressure, but the unraveling of all the work they’d done broke her heart. What kind of a partnership, as he liked to call it, did they have when he wouldn’t turn to her when he needed her the most? When he wasn’t there for her?
Her vision clouded over. She blinked as hot liquid stung the backs of her eyes. Outside in the glittering harbor, lit up at night, the expensive yachts hosted million-dollar parties even as Nik struggled to prevent a conflict with Carnelia. She could tell herself he was leading Akathinia through its toughest times. That she couldn’t expect them to be perfect right now. But she knew even when he figured this out, which he would, there would be another issue to take its place. And another. And he would continue to shut her out every time. Compartmentalize her.
It wasn’t enough anymore, she realized. She couldn’t settle for a partnership. She wanted more. She wanted all of him. She couldn’t spend her days waiting for him to decide he cared. She’d done that her whole life with her mother. She wouldn’t do it with him.
Desperate for a familiar voice, she picked up her cell phone and called Katharine. The call went to voice mail. She tossed the phone on the table and looked back out at the night.
“You should be in bed.”
She spun around at Nik’s deep baritone. He stood just inside the door, his jacket draped over his shoulder, leaning against the frame.
“It’s not midnight,” she noted, hating the bitter tone in her voice. “Was everyone passing out at the table?”
He eased away from the wall, tossed his jacket on a table and walked toward her. “I’ve called a summit of international leaders for two weeks’ time in Akathinia. There will be no military action.”
“You used your veto power?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” She twisted a chunk of her hair around her finger as he stopped in front of her. “I am sure the international community will band behind you.”
“That is the hope.”
Silence fell. He reached out and ran his thumb across her cheek. She flinched away from his touch, her chin coming up.
A blaze of fire sparked in his eyes, but he banked it down. “You look exhausted, agapi mou. Is it the baby?”
A surge of fury bubbled up inside of her. She shook her head, attempting to contain it. Nik narrowed his gaze on her. “What?”
She yanked in a breath in an attempt to find calm, but it all came tumbling out. “You shut me out as if I don’t exist for two weeks, while I worry about you, while I worry about what’s going to happen, then you waltz in here and ask me why I look tired? Why I’m not myself? Did you ever stop to think at any point in this crusade of yours what this is doing to me, Nik? Did you even care?”
His jaw hardened. “I told you this was going to be all consuming. That I wouldn’t be home much.”
“All consuming? You haven’t said ten sentences to me. You’ve tuned me out like the unnecessary complication you like to view me as instead of that partnership you offered.”
“Would you prefer I woke you at midnight to give you an update?”
“Yes. At least I’d know you were okay. Instead I’ve relied on Abram to tell me how my fiancé is holding up.”
Something she couldn’t read flickered in his eyes.
“Unless,” she amended, “it had been the two or three nuggets you chose to enlighten me with before you used me to assuage your frustration.”
The glitter in his eyes sparked into a dangerous blue flame. “You were wholly into that, Sofía.”
“Yes, I was. I wanted to comfort you, to connect with you so desperately, Nik, I would have done anything to make you feel better. Including letting you use me for sex.”
He stepped closer, clenching his hands by his sides. “I did not use you for sex.”
“Then what was it? Me comforting you the way I do it best?”
His lashes lowered. “I told you there would be difficult times. Times we had to get through together.”
“Together being the operative word. Since then, you have demonstrated how that will work for us. How you will let me in when it pleases you to, then shut me out when you decide I’m getting too close.” She lifted her chin. “It was never a real offer of intimacy, was it? I was just too stupid to figure it out.”
“I have let you in.”
“You think you’ve let me in. I’m sure you’d call it a superstar effort. But your fixation on proving yourself, on demonstrating to your father how wrong he is about you, how you have this all under control, leaves you with nothing left over for me or anything else.”