“Torch!” I scream. “Stop the motherfucking bombs!”
“Goddamn it, boss, I’m trying!”
“Jesus!” one of the men behind me exclaims. “Holy Mother of God!” shouts another. “Stop it, Torch!!” I scream myself, hearing the others, but they don’t matter—nothing matters except stopping this bomb.
“I’m trying, boss! I’m trying!”
The screen blinks out once and my breath freezes in my fucking body because I know that’s it. Then, it comes back on. She’s at the top of the yacht now.
I’m fucking losing it.
“No. No. No. No! Motherfucker! Stall them, Beth!” I scream at the monitor. “Torch!”
“Boss, there’s some kind of interference. I… I can’t get the codes to go in. I’m almost there, just one more sec and—”
That’s all he gets out before the middle of the ship explodes. A split second later, another charge goes off right in front of Beth. The explosion is gigantic, the biggest one yet, because I wanted this motherfucker in so many pieces that parts of him could be found in every ocean.
I drop to my knees, screaming as I watch the flames erupt all over the one woman I love more than anything in the world, devouring her. I cry out in agony, my arms wrapped tight over my head and pulling it down, trying to block what I just saw. It can’t be true. It can’t.
“Oh my God, I killed her. I killed my Beth. No!” I scream as loud and as long as I can, trying to make the Heavens hear me so they can fix this. “Oh, God, please don’t let this be real… Oh, God! Baby… mi cielo… What have I done? W-What have I done??” I just keep repeating the words as the sobs rack my body. “What have I done?”
Three Days Later
I sit on the pier, the same spot I’ve been sitting every day since I destroyed my world. Bottle in hand, I watch the water and try to decide if I shouldn’t just jump in and join Beth. I feel so cold… so motherfucking cold that I could swear I’m dying, piece by fucking piece. Beth brought out the man I had forgotten I was, the man mi madre raised. She held the darkness, the beast down inside, at bay. Strangely enough, her death has silenced him. He’s just another part of me that’s rotted away.
I raise the bottle to my mouth to take another drink and find it’s empty. I toss it into the water, then bring a hand to Beth’s locket. I’ve cleaned it, but since then, I haven’t taken it off. I never will. It’s a reminder of what I had… and destroyed.
The area where the yacht was has been taped off with yellow and black caution tape that reads “Do Not Cross”. It didn’t stop me. I went through every inch of the remains, whatever was left. The rest had either disintegrated during the explosion or sank down to the bottom of the ocean. No bodies were found. The coroner said they may never find them. I wanted to believe that meant Beth was still alive, but that would be impossible. I saw the explosion. I saw the way it rocked her body and how the flames… ignited and swallowed her. I still see it. Every time I close my fucking eyes, I see it. It haunts me.
“Boss?”
“I’m nobody’s boss,” I tell Torch, not bothering to turn around and acknowledge him.
“The club needs you. There’s… things we need to figure out.”
“There’s nothing to figure out anymore, Torch. Nothing matters. The only thing that ever mattered is gone and there’s no one to blame but me.”
“That’s not true, boss. There’s a person to blame. Redmond.”
The name alone makes hate coil up inside of me, but I don’t hate that bastard half as much as I hate myself. Colin either, for that matter. They weren’t the ones who acted so carelessly with Beth’s life. They weren’t the ones who not only failed to protect her, but… killed her.
I killed her.
“Boss, something has happened,” Torch tries again. He’s ruining the numbness the alcohol has helpfully lent. I need to be numb right now. I need to be alone.
“I told you, I’m not your motherfucking boss. I’m done. Ask Pistol. He wanted the fucking job, he can have it.” Shit, I should have given it to him sooner. I should have just grabbed Beth and left. I should have put her first above everything else. I was so fucking cocky, playing the big shot, bringing my club into a war, putting everyone’s lives on the line…
I look down at my hands. They look the same; normal, even. But I know they’re not. I may not be able to physically see it, but my hands are stained with so much blood that they will never be clean again. My club members, Cade’s men, Diesel’s men, Annabelle, and now my Beth… Everyone but the fucking people I was after. I was a fucking fool.