We make it to Colin’s office and Gerald shoves me into a chair. Part of me is relieved it’s Colin’s office. Between him and Matthew, Colin is the one who’s been the softest with me. I suspect that’s because he wants more from me than he should—especially since I’m his sister by marriage.
“Beth.”
Colin’s dark voice rings loud in the room. I jerk my head to the patio door to my left. I didn’t realize it was open and Colin was there. I swallow because suddenly I’m having trouble finding my voice.
“Col…” I say, using the nickname I gave him when I first came to live with Edmund and my mother. I was foolishly excited to be part of a family and wanted to have big brothers. I soon learned that being a part of the Donahue family wasn’t anything like I envisioned. Colin, however, liked the name I tagged him with. He insists I use it now—just me. He enjoys it. I hate it, but I don’t dare disappoint him. I’ve also seen what happens when people do that.
“Did you really think my protection would be so lapse that I wouldn’t find out what you’ve been up to?”
I take a breath, trying to figure out the best way to respond.
“Don’t bother denying things, Beth. You will only make it worse for yourself. Gerald has been following you to the café the last few days. I know you have been meeting that biker.”
My stomach churns at both the discovery that Colin knows and at the way he says the word “biker”. You can hear the disgust in his voice, as if Skull is so far beneath him. In Colin’s eyes, he probably is. He makes me sick with his holier-than-thou attitude. Does he think I don’t know what the family does to secure their place and fortune? I don’t know anything about the biker world, but I know that Skull is heads and shoulders above Colin in being a real man. I’ve seen it in the way he treats me and in the way he talks about his club and the men he considers his brothers. Colin and Matthew have never cared for anyone but themselves.
“He’s just a friend,” I tell him, deciding to go with the truth.
“Do not lie to me, Beth.”
“I’m not.”
“Do you always kiss your friends like you are dying for them to fuck you?”
I flinch in reaction to his question. Colin doesn’t talk to me like that. In fact, I can’t ever remember him using coarse words at all around me. The fact that they are laced in anger scares me. The very last thing I need is to have Colin displeased with me. Most people never survive that.
“It was just a kiss, Colin. I’m almost twenty now,” I tell him, doing my best to sound defensive and not scared or guilty. I’m not sure I achieve my goal.
He grabs my hair, wrapping it around his fist and pulling it tight. Tears sting my eyes and he forces my face up to look at him.
“Have you given him your body, Beth?”
My heart pounds against my chest. Cold, clammy beads of sweat pop out of my skin. I feel the tears leak down the side of my fear-stricken face.
“No… of course not.”
“Has anyone got in this body, Beth?” He asks, his voice so cold it amplifies my fear. Before, I only suspected Colin thought of me in a way that was not sisterly. Now, I see ownership in his eyes. I see… jealousy.
“No, Colin. No. I was just curious. All the girls talk about kissing, and I wanted to… see what it was like. It wasn’t even that good. I think, maybe…”
His hold on me loosens, but the venom is there in his eyes and I know, like a snake, it wouldn’t take much for him to strike. I find my fear isn’t anything to do with me. No… I’m scared of what Colin might do to Skull now.
“Think what?” he asks, his eyes moving down my body. My stomach churns in revolt.
“I… didn’t see what they’re all so curious about. I… didn’t enjoy it,” I lie. “I think maybe I’m cold.”
“Cold?” Colin asks, and there’s something in his eyes I can’t describe. I’m lying through my teeth here, but I need something to discourage him, something to diffuse his anger. I’m scared for me, sure. But more importantly, I’m scared of what he might do if he gets Skull in his sights. I can’t let that happen. Skull doesn’t even know about my family. I haven’t wanted to tell him.
“Sister Puterbaugh says that some women are saved from earthly desires… that God has a higher purpose for them.”
Colin lets go of my hair and steps back. His eyes never leave mine and I do my best not to show fear while trying to inject sincerity in my lies. Maybe if Colin thinks I want to be a nun, then he will leave me alone. Maybe…