How much can a woman stand before she breaks? It doesn’t matter how fucking strong she is; there has to be a point when she shatters. I’m so fucking close to the edge right now, I know I’m going to fall over it and break into so many pieces that there will be nothing left. Nothing.
Surely I can be forgiven for sounding weak.
“Treat you like what? Maybe I’m not remembering right, but I’m pretty sure I asked you to marry me. You’re the one that turned me down.”
“I didn’t have a choice!”
“I guess not. I don’t want to fight about this anymore, Beth. You made your decision, and it’s done. I’m sore, I’m tired. I have to get started early tomorrow. So I’m going to shower and sleep.”
He turns away from me to get undressed. I feel desperation cling to my insides. I want to scream.
“This isn’t all about you, Skull! You don’t get to just shut me out!” I yell. His back is to me and he’s bent over adjusting the shower knob. He turns to me. Any other time, I’d be caught up in the brilliance that is Skull totally nude and standing before me. Now, I’m only hypnotized by the anger radiating in his eyes.
“It’s starting to show,” he whispers, his voice deadly.
Show? Show what?
“This is where it starts to show,” he growls, grabbing a soap holder off the bathroom sink and slamming it against the wall. I duck, despite myself, then look up at him in shock.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, my heart beating hard.
“You’re too motherfucking young. All about me, sweetheart? Fucking hell, mujer! You’re the one it’s revolving around. I took my men into war for you! I’m putting everything I care about on the line for you. It’s not about me, it’s all wrapped up in you and you can’t even bring yourself to marry me! Fuck this shit!” he growls, then pushes his way around me and leaves the bathroom.
Like an idiot, I chase after him. “Where are you going??”
“I don’t know, Beth. What do you care? I’m going to go find a drink, maybe a fucking bunch of them, then maybe find some pussy I can fuck and forget, because it’s fucking clear I don’t have what it takes to claim a woman.”
“You aren’t leaving this room!”
“Try and stop me, Sweetheart.”
“You can’t sleep with another woman! You said you loved me!”
“You said you loved me,” he growls in return, standing there staring at me like I’m insane. Maybe I am. I’m so emotionally spent, I literally could be. I just know I will die if Skull goes and find one of the women who hang around the club. I couldn’t handle it.
“I do!”
“Then marry me!”
“I don’t want to rush off and get married just because we may not have tomorrow!” I cry. The tears break and I can’t hold them back if I tried. They fall so hard and fast that I can’t catch my breath. Sobs rake through me and I look at Skull with my heart torn apart. “I want to walk down an aisle and know that I get you forever. That I will never be without you, not even for a day.” Skull stands there looking at me and I can do nothing but cry. “I want a fairytale,” I whisper inanely, sinking to the floor and giving in to my misery.
I watch as she sinks to the floor. Her small body rocks with the force of her sorrow and I feel like a jackass a million times over, even as my anger still simmers. I rub the stress headache I feel banging against my forehead and close my eyes, wishing things were different. Then, I go to my woman and gather her up in my arms. I carry her to the bathroom and sit on the commode with her while I tug at her clothes, gently pulling them from her body.
“What… are… you doing?” she asks, shuddering between each word, the tears not bothering to slow down.
“We’re going to take a shower.”
“I thought… you were leaving… me.”
Once I have her undressed, I carry her into the shower. Luckily, the water is still hot even though we’ve left it running all this time. I lower her, keeping a hold on her neck so her tear-filled eyes stay on mine.
“I was upset. I’m not leaving you, Beth. It was all talk. You’re the only woman I want, the only woman I will ever want for the rest of my life.” I bend down and take her lips. The salt of her tears mingles with the sweet of her mouth. I let my tongue soothe her, plunder her, and love her all in one kiss. She’s mine. Regardless of what happens, I never want her to forget that fact. When we break apart, the sadness still in her eyes physically hurts me. I walk her backwards further into the water and help her tilt her head. Once I have her hair completely wet, I move her again, and this time my back is to the water while I pour shampoo into my palm and begin washing her hair. “Will you promise me something, querida?”