Fuck.
I grab her arm. “You have five minutes,” I warn as I march her back to the bathroom. “And do not lock the door. I have the key.”
She nods and disappears into the bathroom, her half-dry hair streaming down her slender back.
Shaking my head, I go back to the kitchen to clean up.
I don’t want her to cut her bare feet on the shards of the broken plate.
18
Yulia
My knees shaking, I collapse against the closed bathroom door and try to calm my frantic breathing. What nearly happened in that kitchen shouldn’t have freaked me out so much, but it was too close to before... too close to that dark place I’ve fought so hard to escape. The position—on my stomach and helpless, with a man who’s determined to punish me on top—had been all too familiar, and I panicked.
I panicked like that fifteen-year-old I thought I’d buried.
Perhaps it wouldn’t have been so bad if it had been someone else—anyone else. I could’ve put up that steel mental wall, the one that kept me sane before. If fear and disgust were all I felt for Lucas, it would’ve been easier.
If I hadn’t had those stupid fantasies about him in prison, it would’ve been less devastating.
Taking deep breaths, I force myself to straighten away from the door and use the toilet. I have only a couple of minutes before Lucas returns for me, and I can’t afford to waste them this way. As I wash my hands and brush my teeth, I stare in the mirror, trying to convince myself that I can do this—that I can withstand whatever punishment he chooses to dole out, even if it’s of a sexual variety.#p#分页标题#e#
“Your time’s up.” His deep voice startles me, and I realize I’ve been just standing there, letting the water run. “Come out.”
Panic floods my veins. “Just a second,” I call out.
I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready for him. For the first time in weeks, I’ve eaten a normal meal and had a shower, and somehow that makes it worse. Because now that I feel semi-human, I’m keenly aware of my nakedness and how much I am at the mercy of a man who wants to hurt me.
My heart pounding, I scan the bathroom. Lucas wouldn’t be stupid enough to leave a weapon lying around, but I don’t need much. My gaze falls on the plastic toothbrush I just used, and I grab it. Using both hands, I snap the handle in half. As I’d hoped, one side ends up sharp and jagged, and I clutch it tightly, concealing it in my right hand.
Taking another deep breath, I open the door and step out. “All done,” I say, hoping he can’t hear the strain in my voice.
“Let’s go.” Lucas grabs my left arm, and I stumble, on purpose this time. He turns to steady me, and in that moment I strike upward with my makeshift weapon, aiming for his kidney. I shut off the part of my brain that cringes at the thought of hurting him, the part where those fantasies still live, and I let my training take over.
He twists at the last moment, his reflexes razor sharp, and I graze his torso instead of stabbing him. The broken toothbrush catches on his shirt, forcing me to let go of it, but I don’t let that stop me. He’s still holding my arm, so I drop to the floor, letting my full weight hang on that arm, and kick up with my right leg. My foot connects with his jaw, the impact sending a shock of pain through me, but he reels back—which gives me the split second I need to twist free of his hold.
Scrambling to my feet, I sprint for the kitchen, desperate to grab a knife, but before I can take more than two steps, he tackles me from behind. I manage to turn, half-rolling as we land on the carpet, and my elbow slams into his hard stomach. The impact makes my arm go numb. He continues rolling without so much as a grunt, and a moment later has me pinned down, his hands capturing both of my wrists and lifting them above my head at the same time as his powerful legs anchor mine to the floor.
I can’t move. I’m once again helpless underneath him.
Breathing hard, I stare up at him, my insides squeezing with dread as I wait for his retaliation. Our fight aroused him; I can feel the hard bulge in his jeans against my naked stomach. Or maybe he’s still hard from earlier.
Either way, I know how he’s going to punish me.
He’s also breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling above me. I can see the rage burning in his pale eyes—rage and something far more primal.
To my shock, a tiny tendril of heat snakes through me, my mind transposing the horror of my current predicament with the stunning pleasure of that night. I lay underneath him then, too, and my body doesn’t seem to understand that it was different.
That the man on top of me doesn’t only want my body.