“You’re a great mom. I’m proud of you. And … even though I know it hurts, I hope you’ll give yourself a chance to feel like this baby’s mom, too.”
She brushed a hand over my bump.
“I don’t know if I can think of it as a baby right now,” I admitted. “It’s just … too much to risk.”
I craned my neck, trying to locate Melody, who’d disappeared around the side of a slide a few seconds ago. She darted out, giggling at the boy who was chasing her.
“Katie,” Mom said, “Our hearts are on the line from the moment the pregnancy test comes back positive. You’re finding that out already. If something happened to Melody, would it hurt any less because she’s already in the world?”
“I can’t even think about it.”
“All we can do is love our children and take care of them the best we can. Some things are out of our control. You can’t let worry hold you hostage.”
“I am like a hostage,” I said, realization dawning on me. “I’m a prisoner of my own worry. Without Ryke and Melody, I’d be out of my mind right now.”
“I know we can’t do anything but cope sometimes.” Mom reached for my hand and cradled it in her own. “But it’s hard to see you feeling this way. What would you tell a counseling client who was going through this?”
I sighed deeply. “Probably something like, ‘You hold the key. And you can keep it in your hand for as long as you need to. But there will come a point where you’re ready to use that key to break out of the jail you’ve put yourself in. Only you can set yourself free.”
I knew my words were true. What I still hadn’t figured out was how to do it.
***
I kept my palm on Kate’s round belly even though the baby had apparently gone to sleep. The steady kicks and punches I’d been feeling had dwindled and then stopped.
Kate was curled against me, her back to my chest. “That last one was a right hook,” I said in her ear. “This kid’s practicing for hockey fights already.”
She laughed and turned her head back to me. “You’ve got your heart set on a boy, don’t you?”
“Not at all. I’d love another little girl just like Mel.” I moved her hair aside to kiss her neck and resumed exploring her new curves with my other hand. The tank top she was wearing to bed was already pushed up to allow me access to her belly, and I slipped my fingers beneath the bunched-up fabric so I could feel her rounded tits. They’d gotten bigger over the past few months, and I found myself constantly staring and wanting to play with them.
I’d been staring at them over dinner tonight, remembering the days when I could feel Kate up in the middle of our kitchen if we were home alone. Since we’d adopted Melody, we were rarely alone at home. But I kind of enjoyed the burn of being forced to wait. Seeing Kate with our daughter made me fall even deeper in love with her. She was patient and protective, and it gave me hope that she’d feel the same way about the baby when it was born. So far she was still keeping an emotional distance.
I squeezed her nipple just hard enough to make her groan softly. The sound made my cock stiffen and mold against the crack of her ass. This was my favorite part of being in the offseason. I got to go to bed with my wife every night, and rarely did we fall asleep without fucking in one of the creative positions we’d discovered to keep me from putting weight on her stomach.
Her sigh of pleasure when my hand traveled lower made me hum with amusement. I ran my fingertips over her hip and down her thigh, then back up and around to her swollen belly. When I pulled on her earlobe with my teeth, she groaned with frustration.
“What’s wrong, baby?” I asked innocently.
“You know what’s wrong. Touch me, Ryke.” Her insistent tone made me grind my cock against her ass, and she sighed again.
“I am touching you.” I trailed my fingertips back down her hip again.
“Ryke …” Her whine of frustration made me want to flip her on her back, hook her ankles over my shoulders and fuck her hard. But that was off limits for now.
“Hmm?” I said.
“Come on. Please. You’ve got me all hot and bothered now.”
“You want me between your legs again?”
“Yes.”
I gave in to her pleading tone, spreading her open with my fingers and easing one inside.
“Mmm, Ryke. More.”
I already knew what I wanted tonight. I wanted her to ride me backwards so I could play with her ass when she was starting to come. It sent her into a deep orgasm every time, and she’d taken to pressing her hand over her mouth to muffle her screams so Melody wouldn’t hear.