As if he sensed her pain, Dagan grabbed hold of her other hand, squeezing them both. “It’s not your fault, Lina.”
“No?” Bitter regret and anger twisted in her stomach. She forced herself to look him right in the eyes, so she could read the condemnation in his gaze. “I was so messed up I didn’t even think to take precautions.”
“It was an addiction,” Dagan shook his head. “And not just any addiction, but probably the most powerful one out there.”
“I could have done something different. Instead I got pregnant.”
“Lina…you did the best you could.”
“My baby,” Lina whispered. “I was supposed to protect her. Be her rock. I let her down.”
“Stop.” His voice was sure and strong, his gaze steady and compassionate. One of his hands slid up to her cheek, lending her warmth. “You can’t change the past, and you can’t blame yourself for something you couldn’t control.”
Her breath caught at his words. She should’ve had more control. But she’d been too weak.
“I went back to using more regularly after she was born,” Lina whispered. “Couldn’t help myself. But I took care of her. I swear I did. I loved her so much.”
“I believe you,” he murmured. “What happened to her?”
Her heart gave a furious wrench.
I as good as killed her, that’s what. I let her down.
“She…she got sick,” Lina whispered, her voice shaky. “That’s all. When she died, I left.”
He nodded, clearly accepting her story, and self-hatred oozed into her pores. How could she not tell him the whole truth? That she should have done everything in her power to get her baby’s medicine, and she hadn’t?
But she knew why. If she did, he’d leave her. Everyone left her. And heaven help her, she wanted him to stay.
Oblivious to her inner torment, Dagan shook his head. “How did you find the strength to leave him?”
“I don’t know. I guess I just…in my mind I was as good as dead…without her.”
His hand slid around to cup the back of her neck, kneading the tight knot at the top of her spine. “I’m proud of you.”
“Why?” she asked, surprise melding with the bitter agony of her past. “I was a drug addict. A terrible excuse for a mother. What could there possibly be to be proud of?”
His fingers tightened on her flesh, and his turquoise gaze filled her with heat. “You didn’t let all the shitty things that happened in your life destroy you. You persevered, Lina. There’s nothing greater than that.”
“No.” She gave him a little smile. “I wouldn’t say I persevered. More like I went through the motions. But I don’t want to do that anymore.”
A hoarse chuckle tore from his mouth. “You know, you and I are more alike than you think.”
Maybe. They both seemed to be coasting through life, not really letting themselves feel. But she was beginning to see that was no real sort of existence.
The soft strains of an old, slow song sounded out through the crackling static of the radio that played somewhere in the background. High chords from a piano complimented the heavy strumming of a bass, while a woman’s melodic voice sang about putting a spell on her lover. The words resonated deep in Lina’s soul, except she thought maybe she was the one who’d been bespelled. She’d tried to keep her distance, had told herself it was for the best. But the truth was, Dagan had made her feel more alive than she could ever remember feeling. He made her believe that maybe she could make up for the sins of her past. That she wasn’t unredeemable.
You are, though. You’ve done things no one could forgive.
Still, Dagan had risked his life to save her…was risking it even now just by being in her presence.
He’s a good man.
The kind she should have sought instead of settling for someone like Thorne. And now that he was here in front of her, selflessly offering her words of comfort, she didn’t want to let him go. Even if he was too good for her.
Acting on pure instinct, she said the first words that came to mind. “Dance with me.”
One of Dagan’s thick, full brows rose in clear surprise. “What?”
“Dance.” She shot him a grin. “You do know how, right?”
He didn’t respond, but she could see the wheels spinning in his head, all his thoughts and reasoning about why their dancing together might not be a good idea. So it was a bit of a surprise when he slowly nodded and rose. He offered his hand, deftly helping her to her feet.
She had one moment to gaze into his eyes, one moment to read the emotions held within their depths, before he pulled her tightly to him and started swaying in time to the music.