Violet nodded and looked at her hands. She twisted her fingers together, knew that the therapist may not be able to steer her in the direction that would help clear her mind, but she had to try to see if coming back helped.
“Violet, do you think maybe you feel this love, this connection, for this man because you see him as your savior?”
This wasn’t a new question, just one Violet had avoided answering. “No, I don’t think that is the fact.”
“Do you think maybe you see Cain as someone who is like a father figure, and that is why you have this strong attachment to him?”
“Sure, I saw him as a father figure while growing up, but something changed after he was put away.”
“Mmhmm,” Doctor Yen said again and jotted down some more notes. “Let’s recap, Violet.” The therapist stared at her and smiled gently. “Your mother wasn’t in the picture, and you don’t remember her, right?”
Violet nodded.
“Your father was an alcoholic that would verbally abuse you on your looks and weight.”
“Yeah, that’s correct.” As strange as it was hearing it from someone else, Violet had moved past her father’s emotional abuse. She didn’t let it shape her. What was consuming her since she was sixteen was Cain, and of course those lingering feelings of disgust when she thought about the man that had hurt her.
“Then the man,” Dr. Yen looked down at her notes, “Carl Brungarden, raped you when you were sixteen.” The therapist didn’t phrase it like a question. “It’s been a very long time since we’ve talked, Violet. How have you been dealing with that?”
Violet looked down at her hands again. “I don’t think about Carl, or at least I try not to. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see something ugly, picture his hands holding me down, but it hasn’t controlled me or any relationships I’ve tried to have.”
The doctor nodded.
“I’m not damaged though. Carl doesn’t have that kind of control over me. And no, I don’t think the rape, or my father, has anything to do with what I feel for Cain.”
The doctor didn’t move and didn’t say anything, just let Violet speak, and right now that was what Violet needed.
“Violet, I think you’ve come a long way, and are doing remarkably well for someone with the life, the past you have had.”
“Thank you. I think I’m doing well in life, too, but I just can’t get my feelings for Cain to diminish, not even after all these years.”
She nodded. “Do you want the feelings to diminish?”
Violet thought about that. “No, I don’t, but I also know I can’t possibly have anything with him in that way.”
“And why is that?”
“Because he isn’t the type of man that settles down, especially not with a woman like me, his daughter’s best friend.”
“Violet, maybe speaking to Cain will help in you moving forward, help you make that first step.”
“He’s pushed me away, and I’ve stayed away because I don’t want to make things bad between us.”
“There isn’t a timeframe where you have to move on, where you have to stop thinking about the past. That takes time, and is why you have seen me in the past and now. You need to just get through it one day at a time.” She smiled at Violet. “But you have to start with yourself first, worry about making you whole and right before you try and focus on taking the next step in that direction.”
Violet knew Doctor Yen was telling the truth, and knew that although she was doing very well in her life, she wouldn’t be able to just work on herself and not worry about what she wanted with Cain. She loved him, and that was not an emotion she wanted to lose. The past hadn’t weakened her, but made her stronger.
****
Cain felt the wind on his face, the freedom run through his veins. He was finally out of this piece of shit place and would be able to exact his revenge, and be with his girls. He stopped and waited for the gates to open and let him out. But there wasn’t any welcoming committee on the other side, just a black SUV with a pierced and tatted up motherfucker wearing a Brothers of Menace Prospect cut, and looking a little apprehensive.
Good, he should be a little frightened in Cain’s presence. Cain walked through to the outside, took a second to revel in the fact he was finally out, and glanced at the guard that stood on the other side.
Fuck you, motherfucker.
“Have a fan-fucking-tastic-day,” he said instead of what he really thought. He grinned, and the guard didn’t move, didn’t even crack a smile or snarl. Cain walked up to the prospect, eyed the man up and down, and commented on the fact he was a big asshole. He’d be a good addition to the club for muscle alone, but then again it would all depend on how loyal and true to the MC he was. They didn’t want any weak bastard wearing their cuts.