“The loss of her mate?”
She glanced back down at the sheet. “When was the date of that war?”
He gave her the information. She ruffled through pages. Her moves were frantic, her hands shaking with each letter she skimmed through. After a few letters she stopped, read, and covered her mouth. A muffled cry sounded behind her hand. He pulled the sheet from her grip and read.
Dear mom,
I’m sorry you are so concerned for me. I’m trying to lose this overwhelming depression at the loss of Korr, but nothing seems to help. They’ve given me some new drug that’s supposed to help with the hallucinations and loss of appetite. I feel so selfish knowing my child grows in my womb, and I can’t find it in me to be happy. Life has dealt me a blow I never expected. To lose my husband, the father of my child, the only man I have ever loved, and my mate has pushed me past the edge of living into the realm of existing. I breathe, eat, and survive just to ensure my daughter will live, but the truth is, I can easily lay here and die. My will to live is gone, and nothing is helping to bring it back. Please forgive me for asking this of you mother. Please take care of my Sam if anything happens to me.
Love,
Susana
What her mother suffered would’ve been normal among shifters. The loss of a mate could mean the end to a shifter. Symptoms ranged anywhere from depression, anxiety, loss of enjoyment in life, weight loss, and some even went as far as suicide. It was all the things Susana had mentioned in her letter. Mate Loss Disease was one of the hardest things to experience and get through.
Riel glanced up at Sam, and his heart broke for her. He pulled her shaking body into his arms and held her while she sobbed openly. Every time her breath hitched it was as if a knife was shoved into his heart. He wanted to make things better for her but didn’t know how. The towel in her hair fell to the side, leaving her long dark curls hanging damp. He used the towel to wipe her face and did the only thing he could think to show her she wasn’t alone: he kissed her. A soft flutter of his lips over hers. He held her face and caressed her soft cheeks with his thumbs.
“I’m sorry. I’ve turned into an emotional rollercoaster.” The sorrow in her voice made him even more determined to stand by her side.
“It’s OK, sweetheart.” She grabbed another letter from the pile. They read it together.
Dear mom,
I’m scared. I’m not sure what’s going on, but the drugs they’re giving me are making me really sick. I feel as if something isn’t right with the baby. She’s slowed down her movements, and I asked the doctor if he could stop the medication, but he refused. Please, mom, take me out of here. Sam will be born any day, and I don’t think this medicine is helping me as much as it’s hurting her. I can’t live with the thought that I caused her any pain because of my weakness. Get me out of this place, mom. I want my baby with you.
I know my time is short. They don’t think I know, but my kidneys aren’t well. It’s a side effect of this medicine. I’m sure you thought not telling me would make things easier on me, but now all I can think of is my Samira.
If you ever loved me, do this for me. Let me have my baby out of here.
Your daughter,
Susana
“I can’t believe Ginny would let her own daughter sit in a hospital getting pumped with a medication that made her sicker.”
Sam shook her head, lifting a newer letter. It was addressed to her. Once again, they both read it together.
Dear Sam,
I’m sick and will probably die before you come home. How sad that I was too much of a coward to tell this to you in person, but I loved you so much, as much as I loved my Susana. When your father was killed, Susana was so grief-stricken she had a hard time coping and moving on. If I hadn’t known for sure my husband was fully human, I would have believed she was a shifter in loss of her mate. Your Aunt Margarita never cared for Susana or her mate Korr. I’m not sure if it was because she’d tried to gain his attention but never succeeded or if it was just plain jealousy. Whatever, all I know is that I made a mistake. I listened to Maggie. She mentioned a doctor who was using new drugs to help people with severe mental illness.
Until that point, I didn’t think Susana was that sick. But then she started having hallucinations. You were already in her belly, so I needed to look out for you. It wasn’t until you were almost born that I found out the drugs Susana was given were a powerful combination of dangerous compounds no one had ever mixed. I brought Susana home, but she passed away shortly after you were born. It was after she was home that I found out she never had hallucinations until she started getting treated by that doctor. It made me feel even guiltier for putting my own daughter in the devil’s hands. I promised her I’d look after you. My guilt and shame has been mine to bear. All I can ask is for you to forgive me for not ensuring your mother’s health when I had the chance.