He reaches out and holds my hand, threading his fingers through mine. He kisses my hand, then releases it. "I love you so much, Claire."
Now I'm blushing again. Suddenly I realize I forgot to point out one of the turns to my house, and of course Sawyer wouldn't recognize it. "Actually, we have to turn around. We should have turned left at that last intersection to get to my house."
He grins. "Sorry. When I'm with you, I can barely focus on anything else. You give me a bigger adrenalin high than street racing."
I am stunned.
Ten minutes later, I am standing at my front door with Sawyer. I ring the bell. I phoned my mom to tell her I was coming home so she probably hasn't slept. I hope she did a bit, but I doubt it. To my surprise, my little brother answers the door. He's wearing red pajamas with large black spiders printed all over them.
"Claire?" Charley frowns. "Claire, why are you here in the middle of the night?" Then he looks at Sawyer. Way up at Sawyer. "Mom!" he shouts.
My mom comes into view. She has a terry cloth robe belted around her. Her hair is loose and shows streaks of grey. She looks older and worried. She sees me and rushes to me, giving me a hug.
"Oh my god, Claire, when I heard about what happened to you-I should have gone to Yardley to be with you. I just want to kiss and hug you and make sure you are real-"
She squeezes me even tighter. "I'm okay, Mom." I told her this on the phone. "Nothing happened to me. I didn't get hurt."
She releases me and she glares at Sawyer. "Who are you?" she asks. I've never heard Mom be rude.
"Mom, this is Sawyer. Sawyer, this is my mom and my little brother Charley."
"You are the boy who was involved in street racing. You're the reason a crazed man kidnapped my daughter."
"Mom, it wasn't Sawyer's fault," I protest. But she pulls me into the house, then she grips the doorknob. I realize she intends to close the door on Sawyer.
"I want you to stay away from my daughter," she says.
"Mom, that's ridiculous. Sawyer is not to blame."
Mom grips my wrist and holds onto me, as if I'm going to run back outside. "He is when he chooses to get involved with men like that."
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Thomas." Sawyer speaks softly, but he looks as if he just got kicked in the gut. "I never meant for Claire to be in danger."
"Mom, he broke up with me and tried to push me away to protect me. I made the decision to be with Sawyer. I'm not a child anymore. The person to blame is that lunatic Helman, and he's going to prison."
I pull away from her and I step outside to stand beside Sawyer.
Charley is watching us. And he says, "Mom, it's not going to help anyone to argue."
My mother and I both stare at Charley. "He's right, Mom. We should listen to Charley." For a thirteen-year-old, my brother is astoundingly wise.
Mom's gaze goes from me to Sawyer. She bites her lip. Then she says, "All right. Come inside, both of you."
"I'm going to make Sawyer something to eat," I warn her. "And I think he should spend the night here. I don't want him to drive back to Yardley tonight. He's tired from being up all night to bring me home and he could have an accident."
"I don't want to be any more trouble than I've already been," Sawyer says.
Mom hesitates. "Both you and Charley are right, Claire. Why don't we order a pizza from the 24 hour place? Sawyer, you can use the fold-out couch in the basement."
While we eat, Sawyer explains to my mom and Charley why he got into the illegal bike racing world. I make sure mom understands Sawyer did it to help his mother. That seems to change her opinion of him.
After pizza, my brother goes back to bed-to get some sleep since it's almost morning and he was so worried about me that he couldn't sleep all night. I take a look through his door after mom tucks him in. He drops off to sleep instantly.
I take sheets and blankets downstairs for Sawyer's bed. We make his bed together. My heart pounds hard. I want to come to him at night. I want to be with him. But I feel strange. Last night at this time, I was a prisoner.
Sawyer kisses me tenderly. He takes me back up to my room, kisses me one more time at my door. "You could come up to my bed later," I whisper. "When my mom is asleep."
"I won't have sex with you under your mom's roof," he says gently.
I nod. I guess, in a way, I'm not ready for it yet either.
The next day, when Sawyer goes to leave, my mom touches his arm. "Claire has made me see that you got trapped in something that was out of your control. You were as much a victim as she was. And you tried to protect her. That does mean a lot to me."
"Thank you," he says. "I'm really sorry for what happened to Claire. Mrs. Thomas, if you want me to keep away from her, I understand. I'll respect what you want for Claire."
"I want her to have a decent young man who stands by her. I have no problem with you dating Claire. As long as you are not involved in any other … criminal activity."
"No, I'm not." Sawyer looks at me and smiles. "I'll come and drive you back to Yardley whenever you're ready," he says.
Two days later, I go back to Yardley with Sawyer. I have to make up for lost time. Midterms are approaching. I throw myself into studying. Sawyer helps me catch up in calculus and statics, and I breeze through all my tests.
But Sawyer and I haven't had sex since I returned to school. I spend a lot of time at his house, but we study until late, then I'm exhausted and he tells me to just sleep. We're sharing the same bed, but nothing is happening.
It can't be that he doesn't want me. If he wanted to break up, surely he would do that instead of having me sleep over. So why won't he make love to me?
Finally, I go over to his place, determined to be honest and direct. I find him in his garage.
Actually, all I can see of him is his gorgeous ass and his long, long legs. The hood of his car is up, he's leaning over the engine, and his leather motorcycle pants are pulled tight over his amazing butt.
My pussy gets instantly wet. I can't live without sex with Sawyer for another minute. I race over to him and I cup his ass. He jerks up. The car hood jolts a bit as his head hits it.
Aak! So much for yet another impetuous manoeuver. "I'm so sorry! So sorry! I shouldn't have done that. I keep doing this. I keep following my instincts and I fuck things up-"
"No, you don't." Sawyer stops rubbing his head and kisses me. He lifts me, his hands on my ass, and he kisses me deeply.
The garage practically spins around me.
He breaks the kiss just long enough to murmur, "I like it when you do impetuous things like grab my ass and ask me for a one night stand. Don't ever stop being you, Claire."
I always hated being me in the past.
"That's what I love about you. Everything that makes you Claire." Then he grins against my lips. "Fuck, I don't think that makes sense. When you said it to me, you did a way better job."
"You did a fine job. It's the sweetest thing I've ever heard." My lips move against his as I talk and that inspires him to open his mouth, kiss me hard, and do wicked things to my tongue with his. Shivers tumble through me.
I reach down-not easy since my legs are around him and my crotch is pressed tight to him. I manage to rub the bulge in his pants. I want him to understand how much I want him.
But he sets me back down.
"Do you really want this?" he asks. "I've been scared to ask you for sex after what you went through."
Now I understand. "You think that I have something like post-traumatic stress? I did have nightmares, but they're going away. Being with you helps. Making love with you isn't going to hurt me."
"Maybe I don't have the right-"
"Stop feeling guilty, Sawyer. Everything I said to my mother is true. It isn't your fault. I wasn't just making that stuff up to make her happy. You are not to blame. You had reasons for what you did-noble reasons. And you tried to protect me."
I walk away from him and stand beside his street racing bike. I know he's selling it, using it to raise money since he's lost the income he made from racing. He was going to sell the house, but his mom refused to let him do it. I made him call her and they talked for hours. He apologized to her for getting into trouble, then she apologized to him. She told him she was sorry for making him feel bad for his stutter, and she told him that he was not the reason his dad left.
"We fought all the time," she said to him. "Your father blamed me for your stutter, but that was because he and I blamed each other for anything and everything. He wanted a reason to leave me, and when he was gone, I couldn't admit to you that I made mistakes too. I'm so sorry, Sawyer. So very sorry. And you don't have to worry about supporting me. I should look after myself and it's my responsibility to look after your younger sisters."