“Jenny, I’ve never met anyone like you, ever. I know we’re still getting to know each other, so this might seem kind of crazy…but I just know for sure I’m not ready to say good-bye to you tomorrow. I know it should be impossible for me to have feelings this strong after only three days, but…” He shook his head, looking down at their hands then back up at her face, seizing her eyes with a fierce longing. “I do. I am falling for you so hard, and you’re here and I have to go home, and it feels awful to think of being so far away from you.”
Jenny’s eyes filled with more tears as he spoke to her, and they rolled freely down her face. He reached up and held her face between his hands, dipping his head toward her, placing his lips on each errant drop until her face was covered with kisses instead of tears. Then he reached around to his hip pocket and pulled out an envelope. Her eyebrows creased with questions, looking up at him as he offered it to her. She opened the envelope and unfolded the papers inside as he explained.
“Tickets for Christmas break. I thought maybe you’d consider coming to see me. You could see what Chicago’s like, and we could give this a chance, whatever’s between us.” He smiled at her hopefully when she lifted her eyes. “It’s not as bad as you think. Maybe you’d even like it there—”
“Oh, Sam. I can’t go to Chicago. My family’s here. My father and my brothers. I can’t just leave them. My life is here.” Wide, watery eyes regarded him. She held the papers in her hand, and they fluttered in the cold afternoon wind.
“Just come to visit. Just a visit.” But they both knew that wasn’t what he was ultimately asking her do. He cringed against the sting of his disappointed hopes, rubbing his jaw with his thumb and forefinger. He tried another tack. “You wanted to live in Great Falls.”
“Sam, you can’t compare the two! Great Falls is in Montana. It’s only five hours away from my Pappa and the boys by car. It’s only fifty thousand people. There are over two million people in Chicago. I’d be lost. I’d be swallowed up. The littlest fish in the biggest pond.” Jenny closed her eyes tightly, shaking her head. She whispered, “I’d be giving you false hope.”
He breathed in sharply, and when he exhaled he shoved his hands in his pockets, swallowing hard against the growing lump in his throat.
She continued. “I don’t want to give you the wrong idea or send you the wrong message, and that’s what I would be doing. I’d be telling you Chicago’s possible for me.”
She swallowed, folding the papers and putting them carefully back into the envelope, which she tucked under her thigh so she could place her hand gently on his arm. “Sam, please look at me. Please. I’m not ready to say good-bye either. I’ve never felt like this. Never in my life. You know I have feelings for you, don’t you?”
He nodded once, feeling a small flicker of hope, but it was quickly replaced by the realization that while she cared for him, she didn’t care enough to come to visit. When he didn’t cover her hand with his, she reached out further and placed her hand over his heart. “You know I care for you, Sam. You know I do.”
He grabbed her hand and kissed her palm, lovingly, longingly. When he looked up his eyes beseeched her. “Then please, Jenny.”
“I can’t.” Her eyes shone brightly with unshed tears.
He kissed her palm again then folded it closed and placed it back on her lap. “You won’t.”
She stuffed her hands into her pockets. “Sam, think of it the other way around. Could you ever live here? In Gardiner? Be happy here?”
He was shocked to hear a glimmer of hope in her voice. Had she hoped he could possibly make Gardiner his home? Unthinkable. He turned to face her, his face hardened, his mouth a tight line, his eyes cold.
She nodded slowly, as if figuring something out for the first time, and her voice was cooler when she spoke. “So there it is. I can’t be there and you can’t be here.”
“You could be. You choose not to be.”
“So do you.”
She took the envelope out from under her leg and handed it back to him still warm from her body. “I’m sorry.”
He took the envelope and pushed it back into his pocket, hopping down from the table, kicking the dirt angrily as he headed back to the car. “Me too.”
Without looking at her, he opened the car door and sat down, slamming the door closed loudly behind him. The engine turned over and Jenny came to his window, tapping softly. He pushed the button to roll it down, but didn’t look at her.