Buyer’s Market(42)

“You have a lot of nerve, showing up here. I knew you were messed up, that you were hung up on me in a bad way, but this is beyond the fucking pale, Ethan, really,” Joelle says, standing up. “Just get out.” She’s angry. I certainly recognize the emotion.

But for once I’m calm. “You’re caught up in the past. Not me. Emmaline is an adult, and she can make her own choices,” I say, and I turn to leave.

“If you love her, how can you do this to her? You’re her professor. People will talk. You jeopardize her future if you do this, and I will go to the university,” Joelle says, her voice grating against her mess of emotions.

Before I leave, I shake my head. “I’m sorry that things are so tense between us. But you’re not getting anywhere going to the university,” I say, and I don’t wait for a response. I’m done here.

I drive home thinking about how Emmaline must be ready to stab me as much as her mother is. Well, maybe not though. Emmaline is too damn good…I don’t know what I did to deserve her.

Maybe that’s my penance for being an angry little shit. All these years I never thought I’d found my soul mate. My soul mate hadn’t been born yet when I was already suffering the thought that I’d never meet someone that meant everything to me the way that Emmaline.

I have to make this right, and I know what to do. I’m never beholden to anything, and I go after what I want. I recognize that ambition in Emmaline, too. Joelle was never aggressive in the way that Emmaline can be. But it is the grace that Emmaline always has that wrecks my self-control, my better sense. She’s everything to me. I need her, I want her as mine. I have to have that, at any cost.

The truth is, as much as I love Emmaline, I do not see any price as high at all.

In fact, now the path is cleared. I did the right thing and talked to Joelle. I don’t need to worry about that again. I need to worry about getting my woman back because I hurt her. I can’t fucking believe what I let happen; I let my anger keep me from standing up for what is mine. Emmaline is mine. Joelle could say anything she wanted if it was just about me, but Emmaline is proud to be mine and she was miserable that whole time.

I’ll never forget how she cried when I wouldn’t listen to her pleas and left her. I have never regretting something so much in my life, and I’ll spend forever loving away the memories of those tears. I need to make her know just how much she means to me. Disappearing acts are done for. I want to be in her life, now, forever, always. When I get home, I jump in the shower and wash off the misery that’s going to be behind Emmaline and me so soon.

Tomorrow, I’ll fix everything. Tomorrow, I’ll do what has to be done and I won’t even be off-campus before I call Emmaline and bring her back to my life.

Then I’ll do my best to kiss, fuck, claim every inch of her and replace the misery with my longing.

Tonight, I know I won’t be able to sleep. I may never sleep well again until my woman is tight in my arms. Emmaline’s small little body, warm and pressed against me, is all I need to live.





Emmaline





All my dreams had just reached the point where it felt like they were going to come true.

Now, I’m in a haze. I’m going to class. I’m taking notes. I’m paying attention. But for the first time, I’m having difficulty. I still understand the material, but I’ve never had to work so hard. I'm a quick study and have always put in a lot of effort, but this is a new height (low?) for me and it's disheartening. I know that sounds bitchy and whiny, but my heart is broken. I at least want my school work to keep feeling like a fulfilling accomplishment. Because I’m working hard like I always do, and even with my continued strong performance in my classes…I’m just disheartened.

I feel like I can feel Ethan's anguish. I certainly don’t know anything because I haven’t seen him since my mother steamrolled through the promises Ethan was making to my heart.

Delia texts me every day and she tries to get me to do anything other than just go to my classes. I’m not up for it. I lean on her a lot, but I just can’t right now. Because I’m embarrassed. I can’t fucking defend the vast emptiness that is what I thought was going to be an actual start to a relationship. Delia is sweet and understanding but she’s no-nonsense. I text her and tell her I need space. That’s the truth. I can’t solve anything right now, and I don’t want to commiserate. I want to wallow in the void I feel with all the hope of my fantasy lover being my real life prince.

Ethan. So charming, so perfect for me like something out of a great romance. I desperately want my happy ending with him and I want to know the truth.