"You look like you're thinking some deep thoughts over there."
I looked up to see Tate still staring at me, uncaring of both his nakedness and mine.
"I'm thinking that I liked this," I told him honestly.
He laughed.
"Never thought I'd be happy to have some stupid fuckin' rope."
My brows rose. "Stupid rope?"
He snorted. "One day I'm going to get you to say another bad word," he promised. "And watch Boondock Saints."
"What's Boondock Saints?" I questioned. "And why did you have rope in here if it wasn't for … that?"
His chuckle was light as he stood up and started walking to the bathroom.
I watched him as he dropped something into the trash-the condom-and washed his hands, followed by his beard.
Then I blushed profusely thinking about what, exactly, was in that beard.
He came back out moments later and reached for the comforter that'd been on his bed when this had all started, brought it up to the bed, and threw it over my body before climbing under it himself.
I kneeled there under the blanket and stared at the darkness.
"This doesn't work for me," I told him, throwing the blanket off.
He started to chuckle, and I got to my feet on the side of the bed while tossing him a glare.
"You mind if I use your shower?" I asked him, pointing to my skin.
Not that I minded having his stuff on me, but it was awkward.
He gestured toward the shower and I took a few shaky steps in the direction before I stopped and turned to him.
"I can do this at my place, too."
His eyes went lazy.
"If you go back to your place, then I have to follow you there. Right now, I'm pretty content to lay here and wait for you to get into the bed beside me."
Something that felt a whole lot like hope took life in my belly.
"Okay," I whispered.
Then I went and showered.
"We need to change your locks," he said.
I looked up at the ceiling instead of staring at the man who was cuddled into my side.
The man felt like a weighted heat blanket at my side, and I wanted nothing more than to cuddle up into him and never move.
"That won't help," I murmured, knowing where he was going with the locks. "That's what I did last time. I called the locksmith in town, and they came out and changed them. My father just called them and got them to give him a key. He's the pastor, after all. He seriously can't be shady, at least in everyone else's eyes."
He rolled off the bed and got to his feet, reaching down almost casually to pick up the condom-our second of the night-he'd thrown there, and toss it into the trash can, before he put his underwear on. The next thing to follow were his pants.
"I have some new locks that I was going to put on here," he said. "We'll go install them."
I felt my belly tighten.
"That won't stop him," I repeated. "He'll just do the same thing with the locksmith that he did the last time."
He grunted. "Maybe, but he won't be able to get in in the middle of the night for now. That'll give us enough time to set up the alarm."
"I can't afford an alarm," I told him honestly. "Alarms cost monthly, and I don't have that option right now. I'm having to pay for the alarm at work, as well as insurance, and school loans. It's just not feasible. I have it in savings, but that needs to be saved in case of an emergency."
He buttoned his pants and then went down on a knee in the bed, leaning over me where I still lay in his bed.
"Then you'll stay with me."
I looked at him with barely concealed anger.
"I'm not doing that," I told him.
"Then let me worry about the alarm. I know a guy."
He knew a guy.
Wonderful.
Chapter 15
I regret every single nap I never took.
-Tate's secret thoughts
Tate
The next morning, I was in a much better mood than when I'd spoken to Rosemary the last time.
I was even halfway excited to be eating at Bord's again.
It was good that I was going there. I'd been avoiding it, just like I'd been avoiding the rest of my life that I'd left behind-IE my mother.
Before I got out of my truck, though, I pulled out my phone and made a phone call to a man about an alarm.
Once I'd gotten the time and setup scheduled, I shoved the phone back into my pocket and got out of the truck.
My eyes went to the building that held what felt like so many memories-some of those memories being good, but most of them being bad.
I wasn't saying that all of my time with Ariya was bad, but I couldn't remember a time when it was truly good, either.
"Are you going to come in, or stay out here all day?"
I looked up to find Rosemary standing in the entrance staring at me. She was holding the glass door open with her hip, and she had her arms crossed tightly over her chest.
She'd changed quite a bit while I was gone … since she'd been that annoying little sister of Ariya's. Not that she was ever annoying to me as much as she was annoying to Ariya.
It would be a cold day in hell before the two of them ever got along.
"Yeah, I'm coming in," I said as I started through the parking lot and headed in her direction. "Did you make me breakfast?"
Rosemary had started working with Ariya's father out of necessity when she was younger, and obviously had never found anything better to do since. Though, she was one hell of a cook, or had been.
Rosemary's eyes went a little shadowed as she shook her head.
"I was going to, but … " She paused. "I have something to tell you, and I can't wait too long or Ariya will be here to stock soon, and then she'll see you here. I have … " she shook her head. "I can't believe she never told you."
I was confused. "What was she supposed to tell me?"
She gestured for me to follow her inside the empty bar and grill, and I did, wincing only slightly when I saw the stupid photo next to the door.
It was an old one of Ariya and me when we were younger.
She was beautiful. Then again, she was beautiful now, also.
That likely would never change.
"Take a seat," Rosemary instructed.
I did as she asked, and then listened as she promptly changed my entire life.
"You have a daughter."
Three hours later
I walked into the first bar that was open; the only thing on my mind was getting a beer, and drinking away my current state of mind.
"You have a daughter. And she's dying."
I never, ever thought I'd hear that first statement, let alone the two that followed it.
"Carolyn had a CT scan last week of her abdomen and chest. Dr. Mottle told me this morning that the cancer has filled her liver and her chest is covered with the tumors. Her lower spine has also been affected. The tumors span the length of her spine, and they don't expect her to walk for much longer. Palliative chemo will stop. They're going to start hospice soon to make sure she's kept comfortable."
Tomorrow, I'd be strong.
Tomorrow, I'd make plans.
Tomorrow, I'd figure out what the hell I was going to do.
Tomorrow, I'd meet the child I didn't know I had.
Tomorrow, I'd process the fact that she was dying, and there wasn't a damn thing in the world I could do about it.
Tonight, I'd drink. Tonight, I'd forget. Tonight, I'd ignore everything in this world but the state of my beer mug.
Chapter 16
Unless you're a pregnancy test, I don't need you to be negative.
-Hennessy to Krisney
Hennessy
"Did you hear?"
I stared at Krisney in confusion.
"Hear what?"
"Hear that Ariya and Tate have a baby together."
My entire being, everything that I was, froze in complete, abject horror.
"What?"
It was said so softly that it took me a few minutes to realize that my single word had frozen Krisney in her tracks.
"You didn't hear?"
No, I hadn't.
"They have a kid?" I asked, a little more loudly this time.
She nodded her head. "Yeah, apparently Ariya's sister told him, and then he told everyone at the bar last night that would listen."
I tried my best to ignore anything and everything that had to do with Ariya, so it came as no surprise that I wouldn't know that she had a kid. Nor that she had a kid with the man I was currently sleeping with.
Son. Of. A. Bitch.
"How far along is Ariya?" I murmured.
When had he had time to be with her? Was it that time that I saw them out at the taco shop while I was on my date with the vegan that wasn't really vegan?
Could I forgive him for sleeping with an ex before he was sleeping with me? Then again, we didn't have an agreement of any kind. What we had was borderline illegal.
Oh, my God.
I'd slept with a man that was sleeping with other women, and I could lose my job!
I had to transfer his care to another psychologist. Right this very minute.
"Hey!" Krisney cried out as I stood up in the middle of our breakfast. "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to be right back," I lied.
I wasn't going to be right back. I was going to my office and I was going to call my mentor, and I was going to ask her just what in the hell I was supposed to do next.
"But we haven't even finished our pancakes yet!" Krisney yelled at my back.