“Jesus,” he swore. “Josie that is not what I intended at all.”
She held up her hand. “Do you know why I didn’t argue with you about moving in? Why I let you talk me into it so easily? Because I felt like I could. Because I had options. Because I didn’t need you. But I wanted you. I thought I was self-sufficient. Able to be somewhat equal, although I’ll never have all the money you do. But it was important to me to be able to contribute something to our relationship. Even if it was just a sense of self. Me having confidence. I was on top of the world, Ash. Because I felt like for once I had everything. A career. You. Really great friends. And none of it, none of it was real!”
Every single one of her words sliced through him like a knife. Her face had grown even paler, her eyes more stricken. He hadn’t thought about her sense of value, of self-worth. Of her feeling like she had options. Of her not having to depend solely on him, even if that’s what he wanted. But damn it, neither had he ever wanted to hurt her. That wasn’t why he’d done it at all.
“You manipulated every aspect of our relationship,” she said painfully. “You orchestrated every point. Every move was calculated and thought out. You played me like an instrument and I fell right into your lap. I should have known better when you blackmailed me into dinner. Hell, the fact that you had me followed, that you knew about me pawning my mother’s jewelry. But I didn’t pay attention. I didn’t think those were huge warning signs, though it makes me a complete idiot for not recognizing them for what they were. You are so used to being God in your world that you thought nothing of playing God in mine.”
“Josie, stop,” he ordered. “That’s enough. I’m sorry I hurt you. For God’s sake, that’s the last thing I ever wanted to do! We can work this out, baby.”
She was already shaking her head, and fear curled in his belly, spreading to his chest and into his throat, grabbing him, squeezing until he could barely breathe.
“Goddamn it, Josie, I love you.”
She closed her eyes and a tear slipped down her cheek. When she reopened them, both were shiny with moisture and there was such hopelessness reflected that his stomach bottomed out.
“I would have given anything for those words,” she said softly. “I’d even convinced myself that you did love me but just hadn’t said the words yet. You have no idea how much I wanted to hear them from you. But now? How can I even believe you? You’ve proven what lengths you’ll go to in order to manipulate the circumstances so you get your desired outcome. So how can I believe that’s not what you’re doing now, trying to play on my emotions?”
He was speechless. Completely and utterly speechless. He’d never given those words to another damn woman in his life. And she thought he said them to manipulate her emotions?
Anger burned in his veins, sizzling until he was certain he’d lose his grip. He turned to the side, panicked and frustrated because he had no idea what to say, what to do. She was breaking up with him and he’d been planning forever with her.
Her hand shook as she lifted it to the collar she wore around her neck.
“No!” he said hoarsely, turning fully back to her as she unfastened the clasp.
She let it fall into her hand and then she held it out to him, pressing it into his palm.
“I moved everything out of your apartment,” she said in a low voice. “I left the keys on your bar. Good-bye, Ash. You were the best—and worst—thing that ever happened to me.”
He held up his hand, trying to stop her because no way in hell was he going to let her just walk out that door.
“Wait just a goddamn minute, Josie. We’re not finished. No way in fuck I’m giving up that easy. We’re worth fighting for. You’re worth fighting for and I hope to fuck you think I’m worth it no matter how upset you may be right now.”