She followed him to a comfortable seating area, and he halted her when she tried to kneel on the stone underfoot. Instead, he pointed at the ultra-soft ottoman positioned in front of the chair he sat in.
“Please, make yourself comfortable.”
She paused and frowned then carefully perched on the cushion, wrapping her arms around herself.
Joseph opened his hands and held them palm up, in invitation for her to place her hands in his. Her brows knit together, and more tears fell as she placed her cool, slender hands in his.
Clasping her hands, he said, “Jade, tell me, if you could be anywhere at this moment, where would it be?”
Her face flushed, and she sniffled, more tears flowing down her cheeks. “If there were no rules for Heaven or Earth, I would be with Master, in Heaven. I would go there.”
His throat ached, and he was glad she was looking down so she wouldn’t see him shaking his head, not because he thought she was wrong but because he couldn’t fix this for her. He drew a breath. “What would Donald say if he was listening to us right now?”
“Master would say…” She trailed off as a soft sob left her lips. “Master would tell me I can’t give up the fight. And…he would be sad for me, I think.”
“Why?”
“Because I haven’t moved on, yet.”
“If you were in his shoes, and he was finding it as hard to go on without his sweet sub as you are without him, what would you tell him?”
She sniffled and angled her head to brush her wet cheeks against her bare shoulders because she wouldn’t withdraw her hands before he released them. Jade needed a level of control and submission in order to feel at peace that many subs would find stifling. What she needed was what he’d been charged by his deceased friend to help her find. And he believed they’d found the solution, which was why she was running scared.
“Jade, look at me.”
She raised her gaze to him. “Yes, Sir?”
“Would you want him to go on with his life, find happiness, if you were gone?”
She hesitated and looked around the garden and then looked at him again. “But…but I am happy…here. I am.”
“That’s not the answer, Jade.”
“I love serving you, sir. I love you.”
Joseph nodded. “And I think I have never known a more dedicated submissive in my entire life. You have a gift, Jade, and a sweet, submissive nature, but you need a special Dom. That Dom is not me.”
“No?” she asked, looking up at him, such loss in her eyes, and then shook her head. “No. I know that, Sir. And I want only for you to be happy.”
“If Donald were in your shoes right now, and he was going through the struggle you are going through, would you send him someone to ease the pain?”
She grew still, sniffled, and a frown furrowed her brows. He smiled at her, knowing this was the crux of her problem. She didn’t want to move forward because she felt disloyal doing so. Joseph was safe. Loving him was safe because he’d been Donald’s friend and wouldn’t make undue demands on her.
She couldn’t say no because that would be selfish, and for Jade, that would be the ultimate insult toward her deceased Master. Self didn’t matter to Jade in a Dom-sub relationship, and only a dedicated Dom could understand and not take advantage of that facet of her personality. She might be broken in some ways, but the right Dom could heal her brokenness.
Sniffling, she nodded. “I would. I would send him the best.” She gulped, and another huffing sob escaped from her. “I would want to send him a sub who was as perfect as an angel because he would deserve it.” She sniffled again and nodded as she released a long sigh.
“Master Donald was good to you, wasn’t he?”
Her smile was radiant, and even as tears swam in her eyes, she nodded. “He was so good to me. There were times I thought he could read my mind. Serving him was bliss.”
“Knowing that about him, do you think he would want you to suffer alone? If he could, he would send someone for you, wouldn’t he?” She nodded. “I miss my friend, too, Jade. You know that, don’t you?” After another nod, he continued. “And you know I would stand in for your Master, to bring you to another man who could be your Master in his stead?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good. Now, I’m not asking you to commit to Master Blake. You haven’t known him very long, but I have. He is a good, considerate Dom, Jade.”
“Yes, Sir. I saw that last weekend. But every time I began to enjoy our time together, I would see Master’s face and hear his voice, and I felt…disloyal.”