He could see the lie in that written all over her face. But if she needed the small half-truth to soothe the wound, he’d let it go, gladly.
“But honesty is big with me. And I can’t tell you how shitty I feel being lied to. Not just that you did it, but that I didn’t expect it, see it coming. Whatever. I pride myself on reading people, and I hate feeling like I got it wrong.”
She paused for a long moment, and he hoped that meant it was his turn. “I don’t want you to be wrong. I want to be that guy you thought I was. And I’m sorry I didn’t mention Seth.”
“Seth.” She said it slowly, like she was committing the name to memory. “That’s his name?”
“Yeah. Seth Muldoon.”
She nodded, but said nothing.
“I didn’t mention him at first because, well, we didn’t really start out with anything that needed full disclosure. I wasn’t in a relationship, and you weren’t either. Two adults, unattached, attracted to each other …” Okay, he needed to skip that part before he got off track. “It just didn’t factor in. You didn’t seem like you wanted to know more. And I was out to get away from being a dad for a bit. I wasn’t about to break out the baby pictures and play Proud Papa while we were recovering in the sack.”
She nodded again. “Okay. I see what you mean. Sharing intimate details during something like that isn’t really a requirement.”
He started to breathe a little easier.
Then her eyes narrowed, and his throat constricted again. “But you wanted more. You were the one pursuing a relationship. A real one, not just fuck buddies.”
“Guilty.” He stared into her eyes, unblinking. “And I don’t regret it for a second.”
“But now there’s a tiny little elephant in the room. One you failed to mention.”
“I’ll admit, I screwed this one up.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I just got in the habit of not talking about that side of my life, and by the time I realized I’d left it out …”
“You didn’t want to scare me off,” she said quietly. Her gaze was firmly on the table.
“No, I didn’t. After I realized the clusterfuck I’d backed myself into, I had this whole plan to sort of … ease you into the idea.” As he said it, he realized it was a shit plan. But at the time, he hadn’t known what else to do.
Jo said nothing.
“That’s wrong. I get it. Full disclosure and confidence that you know what you’re walking into is important.” He reached across the table, and this time she let him take her hand. He chose to view that as a good sign. “I screwed up. And, spoiler alert, if we stay together for longer than five minutes, I’ll screw up again at some point. I’m sorry for it. And I’m hoping you’ll give me another shot.”
Her eyes drifted down to their joined hands.
“Here’s the thing …”
His heart, which had only just begun its slow crawl from his gut back into his chest, slid again. He pulled his hand from hers and crossed his arms over his chest, needing the extra layer of armor to absorb the coming blow.
“I’m not into the whole family thing. I don’t really have a family, and God knows my example of a mother was … well.” She smiled a little. “Less than perfect, we’ll say.”
“You know those spiders that sometimes eat their babies?”
Jo looked mildly grossed out. “Yeah.”
“My mom made them look like mother of the year.”
“Okay then.” The corners of Jo’s lips twitched, and he knew she was fighting back a real smile. “So neither of us came from super awesome parenting stock. Still, I’m not really set up, emotionally or physically, to be in a family. A couple?” She lifted her hands, let them fall back again. “I was gearing up to try, but even with that, I had reservations.”
“I know,” he murmured. He’d driven right through the wall she’d set up against him. He’d do it again, if he had to.
He’d rather she opened the door, though. Much less messy.
“But this?” She laughed, but it wasn’t a pleasant sound. “I’m nobody’s mother.”
“I’m not asking you to be.” What the hell did she think he was doing, trolling for nannies? “My son is a major part of my life. He’s the biggest part. But he doesn’t dictate who I date.”
“Doesn’t he?” She closed her eyes and sighed. “Would you get into a relationship with someone you didn’t trust him with? Someone you really thought would be bad for him?”