Her shoulders bowed as though some tremendous weight was on them and she looked down at her hands. The posture was so out of character for her. She had always been one of those people who met the world with her face forward, shoulders back and head held high. That’d all changed after Patterson’s accident. She needed a break from that terrible burden but he didn’t know how to help her. He was still struggling with it himself. Demonstrative as always, Vincent was in the kitchen taking what amounted to the same emotions out on the pots and pans.
“You had a bad dream?” he prompted, when she startled from a particularly loud noise Vincent made in the other room. “You were talking. You were saying ‘don’t, please don’t,’ and then you seemed to wake up. You looked at us and you said, ‘It wasn’t a dream.’”
Her voice was little more than a rough whisper. “I have the same dream every night. I’m in Patterson’s hospital room. The two of you are there, too. I beg Patterson not to…die…but he does. When I wake up, there’s this instant where I thank God because I realize it was only a dream, but then I remember it’s not a dream. It’s real. She rubbed at her forehead. “Sometimes I feel like if I wake up that way one more time…I’m going to go crazy. And now, I’ve messed everything up between us.”
James tilted his head and chuckled as he pulled her into his arms. “You haven’t ruined anything.”
“It’s not fair to subject you to that, not when you’re mourning as well.”
He tilted her chin up. “Honey, you’re looking at it wrong. We’re more capable of understanding what you’re going through than just about anyone else.”
A cabinet door slammed in the kitchen and Leah gulped. “Why does he keep doing that?”
James smiled. “I’m pretty sure he took what you said the wrong way, honey. I’ll bet if you go in there right now, he’ll turn from a lion to a kitten with one look at you.”
She didn’t seem so certain but she got up from his lap. “I can’t leave things like this. I’ll talk to him, but I really do need to leave.”
He was disappointed at her news but he nodded. “I’ll make you breakfast while you talk to him.”
He watched her walk into the kitchen. Vincent was at the sink rinsing his bowl and judging by how clean it was, he’d been standing there staring at it for a while. He practically jumped out of his skin when she placed her hand in the center of the tattoo on his back.
Looking over his shoulder at her, he quickly turned off the water and laid the bowl on the drain board. With hooded eyes, he turned and leaned against the counter edge, drying his hands on a dishcloth. “You okay?”
She nodded but then hesitated and shook her head negatively. Sadness flickered in Vincent’s eyes and his eyebrows drew together as he pulled her close. His eyes grew more bloodshot as she began to sob again.
James couldn’t stay across the room. He went to her and stroked her hair and said, “I think there’s been a misunderstanding, Vincent. You need to hear her out.”
He scrambled some eggs and made toast while she explained to Vincent, and as predicted, the lion turned into a kitten, falling all over himself to apologize for being an asshole.
“So you didn’t think last night was a mistake?” he asked, hope flaring in his tone. “You won’t leave Divine?”
She looked down at her shoes. “I still have to go to Abilene, guys. I thought last night was wonderful but…obviously…I’m still dealing with…I’m still messed up. My dad suggested that maybe the change of scenery would help me. He could be right.”
“But…” Vincent cut off his disgruntled response when James put his hand on his shoulder, shook his head, and frowned. He’d started enough drama for one day. They needed to go easy on her for now.
James set a plate in front of her and gave her a glass of orange juice. “Eat up, honey. When do you plan to leave?” Vincent gave him a dirty look but stayed silent.
She glanced up and took a bite of her buttered toast. “Early Monday morning. I should be home by Tuesday night.”
“Will you come here Tuesday night and spend it with us?” Vincent asked, ignoring the look James gave him. Leah’s shoulders hunched a little and she looked up at him and shook her head. “Why not?”
“If I decide to move to Abilene, it’ll just make it harder to leave here if I sleep with you again.”
“You talk like you’ve already decided to make the move.”
“In light of what happened this morning, maybe it’s better if I do. Everybody grieves differently, Vincent. Eventually the pain won’t be so raw but this…this morning…I know you misunderstood and were upset but this was traumatic for me, too. Sometimes I think you want me to just ‘get over it’ and I can’t do that. I wouldn’t ask that of you.” She jutted her chin out as she frowned at him.