"It smells amazing in here," he said, handing her a bottle of Scotch.
"Thank you. Steak and homemade garlic potatoes sound okay?"
"Damn, I haven't eaten that good in a while."
"Steaks are finishing in the oven and potatoes are boiling. Please have a seat." She gestured toward the lone grey couch against the wall, and he took in the threadbare apartment. There were no pictures or décor. It felt cold and barely lived in.
He sank onto the cushion, and she sat on the opposite end.
"What happened tonight?"
"I went to my goddaughter's first birthday party, and it brought back a lot of my memories of Joce. I think about her every day, but I rarely dwell. It only causes pain and anger I can't resolve." Yet.
"I'm sorry, Xavier." Reaching out, she placed a hand on his arm. His mouth went dry. He swallowed.
"I thought I'd be good. I spend a lot of time with Aoife. But seeing all the parents with their kids … " He shook his head. "It was all I could do to make it through the hour."
She squeezed and retreated to her side of the couch. "You never get over losing a child. It's okay to be upset."
"No, you don't. I can still hear her laugh so fucking crystal clear. My girl loved to laugh and be silly. She was a ham, always putting on a show and cheesing for the camera." He smiled with sweet remembrance. She lit up his life.
"I know she must've been an amazing little girl."
"Total spitfire, like her mother," he said.
Beeps came from the kitchen.
"Sorry. I think the potatoes might be done, and I need to marinate the steak."
"Take your time. I can entertain myself," he said.
"I have Netflix and Hulu." After handing him the remote from the table, she hurried into the kitchen.
He turned on the television and began to surf through the movies. "Sprite, don't take this the wrong way. You know I think you're gorgeous, but we have to put some meat on your bones."
Her head popped between the bars on the divider which separated the living room from the kitchen.
"I thought thin was in," she said.
"Not for you. As your support I got to keep it real, right?" he asked.
She laughed. "Is that why you kept plying me with all those damn wings?"
"Yep. I been where you are. I was fifty pounds lighter after everything that happened."
"Jesus, I can't even picture that," she said, disappearing back into her cubby hole.
I can picture you with full hips and a fat ass damn easy. He shifted his weight on the couch, cursing his libido. Usually he'd screw and drink the emotions away. Tonight he knew trying to sleep with someone he cared nothing about would make his skin crawl. What would my girls think of me now?
"Dinner's ready," Es called.
Saved by the bell.
They sat down at the tiny table for two against the wall she'd laid out with paper plates, paper towels, and silverware.
"Scotch?" she asked, waving the bottle.
He nodded.
"On the rocks or straight up?"
"Rocks, please."
She stunned him by pulling out a nice set of tumblers.
She smiled. "Even before Bartending School, I loved drinks and glassware. It's the one bit of frivolity I've allowed myself." She brought their drinks over and set his in front of him. "How are you feeling now?"
"Better, support. You do your job okay."
She glanced down and her cheeks turned pink.
Biting his tongue, he focused on cutting the superbly cooked cut of meat in front of him. Slightly pink on the inside with a nice char, it was impressive. Silence descended as they began to eat, and he found it didn't bother him. Maybe my family circle is opening. I got room. He liked that she didn't push him to talk. Right now, being here with her felt like enough. It was a startling thought. He shoved a piece of steak in his mouth and hummed.
"You can cook a mean steak," he said.
"One of my many hidden talents," she said. She seemed more relaxed today. Her lips weren't drawn into a thin line and the lines around her eyes were fainter. "How are you?"
"Better," he answered, taking a sip of Scotch.
They continued in a blissful state of semi-peace he clung to. He needed it to get him through the fresh bout of insanity he was battling.
CHAPTER FOUR
Estelle
"So what happened after you rushed me out last night?" Jolene asked.
Estelle laughed. "How long did you force yourself to wait before you called to grill me?" she asked.
"Long enough. Stop trying to distract me," she said huffily.
"He came over because he needed support. It wasn't a date."
"Hey, he busted up a good girl's night. It must've been important. You're not one to flake out on those."
"He was there for me. I owed him."
"Uh huh. What did Mr. Mysterious think of your makeover?"
"Jole!"
"What? It's an honest question."
"He asked me if we were going out to eat," she muttered.
Jolene howled.
"Oh, laugh it up, you hyena. What did Mr. Todd think of your sexy surprise?"
Jolene gasped. "He liked it very much according to the bruises I'm sporting."
"Oh shit!" Estelle exclaimed, shocked by her rawness.
"It was unbelievable! His actions said more than any words ever could. We both agreed to sit down and talk over dinner this weekend."
"Alone?"
"Yes, we booked seats on a River Boat tour that's going out."
"Good for you!"
"Yeah," Jolene giggled.
"You're giddy."
"I am. This feels like it could be a fresh start."
"It is. The kids will be leaving home soon. You need to make sure you two are okay."
"I know. It's harder to do than you'd imagine. Life gets so hectic. We've gotten caught up in the mechanics of living."
"Tell Todd what you're telling me, and come up with a combative game plan. That man of yours is good at constructing order."
"Yeah, I think it's a requirement for engineers. So, did support like your new undies?"
"You wench," Estelle said.
She snickered. "Now that I've been properly laid, I think it's time for you to be."
The sentence struck her unable to speak for a moment. Sex had become this obscure concept that didn't pertain to her. She hadn't felt desire until Snake stepped into the picture. Her mind had been too occupied with other things.
"I don't know if I'm ready," she said honestly.
"Babe, healing yourself means all parts. Not just your heart or your mind, but your body. I'm not telling you to hit up bars and do the one-night stand thing. Just to start thinking about the concept."
"I'll keep that in mind. But I'm in no rush. You know I've never been one for casual. Even when I was young."
"I know, babe," Jolene said.
"It's weird to think about, you know? For so long my body has been a vessel I needed to keep functioning. It's like waking up from a long coma and re-learning not only who I am, but the feel of things. It's like thawing out."
"What were you before?" Jolene asked.
"Numb. Alive, but dead inside. For a long time, I wished I hadn't made it."
"Jesus."
"I know it's something no one wants to hear, but it's my reality. I lived that, and I'm still fighting my way back. When you've been beaten down so hard you relinquish your will to live, it's soul-shattering. You and my parents were the lights at the end of the tunnel. Without you guys, I don't know if I'd be here right now."
"Don't say that. Give yourself credit. You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for."
"I'm not sure about that."
"I am," Jolene said.
Estelle smiled. Her best friend loved her when she didn't love herself.
"Thank you for that. It's a weird time."
"Understandable given the circumstances. I'd be worried if you were walking around like things were fine. You're fighting your way through it, and when you get to the end, you're going to look back and realize how resilient you are."
"A girl can dream. Most days I feel like I'm bumbling my way through life. Speaking of, I need to get off here and get ready for class."
"How much longer do you have?"
"Scarily enough like two weeks. Then I hit the pavement looking for a gig."
"You give any thought to where you want to work?" Jolene asked.
"Not yet," she replied, blatantly lying. Her sister-in-law would expect her to tend bar in a restaurant or a quaint bar and grill, but that wasn't going to happen. She got a taste of life with the Wild Ones, and she was hungry for more. They were life, and she needed to go to the wellspring for rejuvenation. Playing darts, pool, and bantering reminded her of the things she'd loved to do before Everett entered her life. Her husband never tried to change her, but he wasn't exactly the bar type. She'd acclimated and drifted into a new stage of her life. It was a small price to pay for gaining everything else she'd longed for in a future mate.