I’d always imagined love was something permanent. Something that may change or fade, but could never fully go away. To say you love someone is to bind yourself to that person for life. Even if you are no longer with them, they will always be one of the important people in your heart. Someone you loved. The concept feels heavy to me, and I am scared for a moment to think about being attached to Emmett in that way. But the feeling swells in my heart and I know I have no choice. I do love him, whether I want to or not.
We kiss and talk, buying as much time as we possibly can. Playing songs for each other on our phones. Emmett may not be easy, but for a little while we forget about everything waiting for us outside. We even forget that we’re locked up in a shitty motel room outside of town. I check my phone every so often for the time, until finally I know we can’t stay any longer.
“You better take me home,” I tell him reluctantly. “My mom will start to worry soon, and…”
“I know,” he cuts me off, not needing a reminder of why she is so suspicious of him. “Okay,” he adds with a heavy sigh. “Come on, let’s get going.”
I don’t want this night to end as I slide back into my clothes, and I half-consider telling him to sneak into my bedroom window after we get back. I hate the idea of him driving all the way back out here and sleeping alone, and I need to be close to him right now. But I stop myself. Everything has been so perfect; I don’t want to risk ruining it by pushing our luck.
“Hey, can I pick you up for school tomorrow?” he asks as we gather our things and head for the door. “Early. I was hoping you could come with me to take care of something before school.”
“Sure.” I shrug without giving it another thought. I’m too high on my feelings for him and his lingering scent on my body, which only intensifies as we step out into the crisp night air.
I almost fall asleep on the drive back to my house, but his hand keeps moving across my thighs inching up dangerously far and reawakening my desire for him. It doesn’t seem possible to want more of him, but I do. By the time we reach my house, I am eager to kiss him and toy with how far we can get in my driveway before I have to go inside, but it’s already late and I can see the heaviness in his tired eyes.
“You sure you’ll be okay to drive back?” I ask with concern, curling a strand of his hair around my finger.
“I’ll be fine,” he assures me.
I lean in for one final kiss before giggling into his cheek. “Hey, say it again.”
“Say what again?” I raise my eyebrows and look into his sparkling eyes as he realizes what I’m asking for. “I love you,” he says breathlessly, before biting and kissing across my neck.
I finally pull myself from his arms and force myself from his car. He watches me walk to the door with a big smile, and I can’t wait to see him again in the morning. I practically float up the stairs to my bedroom and crash onto my bed, still wishing he could be lying next to me.
For everything that has been wrong between us, tonight has been perfect. And it was all I needed to know, without a doubt, that Emmett and I are meant for each other.
7
Chapter Seven
The next morning, Emmett picks me up as promised, but reality quickly sinks in with the new day. My euphoric high from the night before has been dissipated by a string of the nightmares that still plague me regularly. As much as I want to throw myself into trusting and loving Emmett fully, the reality is that I have been traumatized during my time at WJ Prep and he’s not entirely without blame for that.
It’s the beating drum of my heart that only Emmett can conjure. He makes me feel fearless and terrified all at once. I wonder if I could just dive head first into this, never fearing or doubting anything, if things could be better. Maybe it’s my own doubt that will destroy us.
I try to swallow down my renewed wariness of him, hoping that the moment I see him again it will all fade away. I notice my mom peering at him through the curtains as I’m heading for the front door.
“You okay?” I ask casually, as I swing my bag across my shoulders and zip up my hoodie.
“You two are spending an awful lot of time together again,” she remarks suspiciously as she suspends the blinds between her fingers, eyeing his car in the driveway.
“It’s nothing to worry about,” I assure her. “I know you didn’t have the best first impression of him, but he’s not a bad guy.”
She looks to me with a haunting expression, as if she can instinctively see straight through to all of the doubts inside me. But she quickly softens with a half-smile. “I hope you’re right,” she says softly, before pulling me in for a hug.
“See you later,” I answer quickly, pulling away to run to the warmth of Emmett’s car. He tries to lean over and kiss me the moment I get in, but I can still feel my mother’s eyes on us, so I stiffen under his touch. “Let’s go,” I urge him. “My mom is on high alert right now.”
He nods as he looks back at her through the window and quickly puts the car in reverse. “Thanks for coming with me this morning,” he offers as we drive off through my neighborhood.
“What are we doing anyway?” I ask as I fumble for my seatbelt.
“I was thinking I should look in Bernadette’s room,” he explains. “Maybe see what’s in her diary. I just didn’t want to go back to the house alone.” He spreads his hand across my knee with a tight squeeze.
I’m half-relieved that we’re focusing on Bernadette again. That’s all I was supposed to be in this for when he first came to me, and things somehow quickly spiraled back into the throes of our relationship. At least now I know his sister’s claimed disappearance wasn’t just some scheme to rope me back in, and his willingness to finally go through her things lessens some of my suspicions about him in this ordeal—and will hopefully return some of my feelings from the night before.
“Are you still adamant about not going to the cops?” I ask once again, reflecting on how many days she’s been missing at this point.
“Not until I know more,” he replies grimly. “Mom is still against it.”
It’s hard not to be distracted by his scent as we go. One whiff of his cologne sends me into a haze of memories from our recent encounters, last night’s especially. I hate how easy it is for me to be distracted by my lust for him, even while we’re playing detectives for his missing sister. Maybe we’re both eager to cling to sex as an escape.
Emmett flashes me a strange grin as we pull up to his family’s manor, which makes me wonder if he was just thinking the same thing I was. But the grinding gears of the car going into park snaps us back to the task at hand.
Their ornate, blackened-iron fence towers above me, bringing back chilling memories. We walk down the long, circular driveway and around the fountain at its center as sprinklers sputter mist across the perfectly green, manicured lawn.
I try to avoid the vivid images flashing before my eyes of my father showing up on their doorstep as we walk through the entryway. I was running for my life and ended up face-to-face with him just before he shot Emmett’s dad. I guess not every girl my age could say they watched their dad murder someone, especially not their boyfriend’s father.
The Jameson manor is decorated in dark mahoganies, olive greens, and deep burgundies. The smells of Thomas Jameson still linger from his office. Scotch and cigars. Everything is dark and ominous and old. Not just old, but old and expensive. It’s the kind of lavishness that makes you feel afraid to move, always afraid of what thing you might accidentally stain or break that’s worth than your house.
The foyer has high vaulted ceilings with gold patterns sprawling across them to the start of the crown molding, with a large crystal chandelier in the center of the room that reflects dancing lights across the room, all the way up to the spiral staircase that leads to the hall where Emmett’s room is. Every room of the house is filled with expensive art and draperies, antique furniture and linens.
Things only feel more surreal as we walk through the mansion halls I was once held captive in. Emmett leads me to Bernadette’s room, which I hadn’t seen when I was here before. I’m surprised by how far it is down the hall from Emmett’s, but I guess the distant quarters explain how everyone in this family managed to be so different from one another.
The size of the room is somewhat surprising, though I guess it shouldn’t be considering the immensity of the house. Her large king bed rests along the center wall, made up with luxurious bedding.
“I guess we know she didn’t vanish too suddenly if the bed was made,” I offer, trailing my hand across the soft comforter.
“Maids,” he reminds me bluntly, making me feel stupid.
Emmett digs through her tidy nightstand, pulling out a red leather journal with a pen still attached to the outside. He sits on the corner of the bed and begins flipping through the pages as I look around the room. Everything is perfectly clean and in place, just as in Emmett’s room. Nothing like my chaotic, messy bedroom. I think it must be a relief to live in such an orderly space without ever having to clean it yourself, but something about it feels too stark. And knowing some of their family secrets, I don’t know if it’s a worthy trade.