“I’m sorry baby,” she soothed. “I don’t know what to say to you honey. Jack isn’t a bad man and I hope you realize that. If I had to guess, he’s in as much pain as you are right now. If he ran away from you like that, he must be going through some tough times thinking about Sarah.”
Erin figured she was right, but knowing Jack was in pain only made her sadder. She found herself wishing she was by his side and telling him everything would be ok, that they could still remain friends. She hated that she still had intense feelings for the man and began crying on Cindy’s shoulder. The kind woman held her for what felt like an eternity and patted her back as Erin wailed away. Eventually, Erin ran out of steam and sat herself down at the dinner table. Cindy made them a fresh pot of coffee and sat down opposite her.
“Have you seen Jack in the past week?” Erin asked.
Cindy shook her head. “No, I haven’t seen Jack in months. There’s a lot of open space out there and it’s easy for a man to disappear on this land.” Cindy realized that what she was saying and bit her lip. “Not that I think he’s trying to disappear Erin, it’s just that Jack disappearing like this is nothing new. I’m sure he’ll turn up some day, and when he does I’ll let him know how you’re feeling.”
“No, please don’t do that,” Erin said. “I don’t want to add to his burden. If you see him, please don’t mention me, and if he asks just tell him I’m doing fine, ok?”
Cindy agreed and after the pair polished off a pot of coffee got up to leave. “If you want to come spend some time up at the ranch, you’re more than welcome. I know Christine would love to see you.”
Erin thanked her for the offer and told her she might just do that. She’d been working herself to the bone the past week and was ahead of the schedule she’d outlined for herself. A little “vacation” at the range might be exactly what the doctor ordered.
“Take care now, and you make sure to keep yourself busy,” Cindy advised from atop her horse. “An idle mind does no one any good.” With that she was gone and headed back towards the ranch. Erin felt a lot better after her talk. She decided to head out to the target range and get in some shooting with her rifle in the morning. If Jack showed up—as he previously had every time she’d been on the range— she would talk to him and get some closure on the issue. If he didn’t, then Erin would pack up and go spend a week or so with the girls at the ranch. One way or another, Erin needed to move on. She couldn’t simple walk around all day saying to herself, “I will not quit,” sooner or later she would need to address the hurt she felt, and tomorrow would be the day, one way or another.
Erin tidied up after Cindy left, took a warm bath as Miles Davis played in the background and began to clear her mind of worries. When the tub had cooled, and her skin began to wrinkle up like a prune, she finally stepped out of the tub and toweled herself off. She got into her nightgown and thanked the Lord for blessing her with another say upon his earth. She got into bed and within minutes was asleep.
When she awoke in the morning, Erin felt oddly refreshed and had a bounce in her step. She doubted Jack would show himself out on the range, but was happy nevertheless to at least be taking some action regarding her depression. She slung the Remington over her shoulder, grabbed a gallon of water and headed outside to jump atop Charlie. Within a minute he was galloping at a steady pace and Erin could see the rock formation that housed the shooting range come into view. She strained her eyes to see is she could notice anybody already out there, but saw, and heard, nothing. When they reached the clearing she tethered Charlie to a tree and slung the rifle from her shoulder. Jack wasn’t here, but there were plenty of glass bottles to take her frustrations out on. She lined a few up atop the log and walked back a respectable distance. She took a few shots that missed their targets, but it didn’t take her long to get warmed up and before long she was shattering bottles with ease. Erin lost herself in the meditative process, just as Jack had instructed her, and willed her mind still. Even as she stepped forward to place new targets atop the log, her mind remained focused on one thing and one thing only, shooting.
After about an hour, when Erin began to realize Jack wasn’t coming, the barrier she’d created in her mind to keep thoughts about Jack out began to erode and soon enough she was collapsed in a heap and crying. She realized then that she loved the man and would probably never fully heal from the wound he had given her. The hurt was deep inside the marrow of her bones and as Erin cried to herself she accepted the fact that no matter what mental tricks she performed, Jack Riggans was forever going to be on her mind.