Of course, he could have also thought he’d made a terrible mistake and had run away before having to face Erin in the morning. Whatever the reason, Erin decided to not let her ruin her day. She was still on a cloud from the night before and vowed to enjoy the day as much as possible. She could worry about Jack’s state of mind later. For now she was going to bask in the post-orgasmic bliss he’d provided her. As she absentmindedly began to ready for her day, Erin ran the evening through her head again and smiled. The sex was amazing, of that there was no doubt, but the evening had been so much more to her than that. She’d never felt as safe as she did the previous night, for one. The presence of Jack Riggans had a way of creating a sense of serenity in her and that—more than the earth shattering sex—was what was on her mind as she readied for her day.
Erin’s piece of mind lasted till about noontime, and then the thoughts of where Jack was began to infiltrate her mind. Did he not have as good a night as I? She asked herself. Does he regret what we did last night? And the one thought that was spending the most time on her mind; will I ever see him again? She couldn’t bare the loneliness of the day and reached for the satellite phone and opened it before realizing Jack didn’t have a phone, at least one that she was aware of and slammed it back shut. “Shit,” she cried out loud before sitting against the wall in her bedroom—the same room in which Jack had satisfied her so deeply—and began crying. What the hell am I doing out here, she asked herself. Why did I leave my family and my friends? Why did I leave the comfort and safety of my job? What is wrong with me?
Erin thought on her previous life and wondered why she wasn’t satisfied with it. She had good friends, a steady job that paid well, and a long line of potential suitors to choose from. Why did her crazy ass have to convince herself that she was unhappy and the answer to all her problems was a remote cabin in the middle of North Dakota? Why? Why? Why?
“Because you were unhappy,” she said aloud. “You left home and came out her because you weren’t happy and wanted a challenge. Well guess what girl; you don’t get to quit on your life just because a man broke your heart. You need to get up off your ass and finish what you started. Go on girl, get your ass up.” She began to picture all her co-workers back home shaking their heads and doubting her as they found out about her crazy idea to run a bed and breakfast in North Dakota. The images of their laughing faces spurred her on and she stood from the floor and said, “I will not quit on myself, I simply won’t.” She balled her hand into a fist and walked to the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. “I will not quit,” she said to her reflection. Her mind was telling her to run, that she was a failure and her getting her heart broken was a warning to run away. She shook her head and repeated to her reflection, “I will not quit, I will not quit, I will not quit…”
Erin willed herself to turn the shower on and decided a cold one was in order to jolt her out of the haze she was in. “I will not quit,” she repeated over and over as she turned on the ice cold shower and stood under the ice cold water bearing down on her. “I will not quit,” she screamed out as the cold water jolted her body awake. After two minutes of cold-water therapy, she decided she’d had enough and wrapped herself in a giant towel. “I will not quit,” she droned on and slowly the negative thoughts in her head began to cease. Instead of missing the boring security of her life back home, she began to resent it again. “I will not quit,” she told herself as she made coffee and bacon. She sat down and as she ate replayed the mantra in her head. By the time she was done eating, she’d said aloud (or thought to herself) “I will not quit,” close to a thousand times and she began to believe it. As she put her dishes in the sink and headed for the front door, she felt like a new woman. The cool morning air hit her face and she looked out onto the empty range in front of her house. As a tear fell slowly from the corner of her eye, she yelled into the wind, “I will NOT quit!”
And she didn’t.
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
A week went by and there was no sign of Jack. Erin kept herself as busy as she could and did her best to keep the man off her mind, but she was still heartbroken and getting through each day was a struggle. On the eighth day of her morning, Cindy stopped by the cabin with another basket of fresh eggs.
“What’s wrong Erin?” Cindy asked after only five minutes. Erin frowned and reminded herself to do a better job of concealing her feelings. She decided whether or not to tell Cindy what happened with Jack. She decides there might be therapeutic benefits of sharing her hurt with another person, especially a woman, and opens up. Cindy listened to her and when Erin finished stepped forward and gave him a hug.