“That’s not going to work. I may not even go to bed tonight. I have a ton of stuff that I’m behind on.”
“There’s someone else, isn’t there?” My heart was shattering, and my hands were shaking as I clenched them together in my lap.
“What? No! I told you already. I’m a monogamist with you. Why would you even say that? I love you.” He was angry, but he sounded more hurt that I would make such an accusation.
“I don’t understand why you keep me locked out.” I felt the unfamiliar telltale lump rise in my throat. Fuck me. “I want all of you, not part of you.”
“You have me. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Then why won’t you let me into your apartment?”
“Can we not fight about this?”
“I want to know why.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest and looked out the passenger window.
“Elaina…I never had my own space when I was a kid.” Blah, blah, blah, and fucking blah. I started to think about the muscled chick at his gym and how she was all up in his grill. She touched him, and it made me want to use her face as a speed bag.
“What is the deal with Mrs. Muscles at the gym?”
“Who?”
“I don’t know her name. The one who was touching you.”
“Right. Vanessa,” he grumbled.
“For some reason, she felt it necessary to tell me that you used to fuck one of her friends. And then, when you broke it off with her friend, she hoped you would take her.”
“Christ.” He rubbed his face again and sighed between his fingers. “I use to see her friend, Rachel. It went on for about a month.”
“And you fucked her?”
“Elaina, I don’t want to get into my past sex life. The only one that matters to me now is you.”
“It fucking matters to me!” Just thinking of him “dipping” his wick into someone else infuriated me. It was somewhat of a double-standard, but what could I say?
“Okay, fine. I was fucking her. Anything else?” The thought of this faceless Rachel with her hands on him made me furious. The thought of his tongue doing the things he did to me on her made me want to throat punch him, and prison shank that skank whore.
“How many have you been with?”
“I don’t know! I don’t have notches on my bedpost. I have never asked you how many guys you’ve been with!”
“Three, including you! I just want something, Henry. I want you to let me in. You’re locking me out.”
“Elaina…I can’t do this with you.”
“Maybe we need some space then.”
“Elaina…no. That’s not what I’m saying.” I could hear the hurt in his voice.
“I have to go.” I whipped open the door and slammed it shut. I bolted into the building, while everyone that was milling around in the lobby was staring at me.
“Shit…Elaina! Elaina!” I heard him yelling my name. I got to the elevator and pressed the up button hysterically, praying that it would open before he got to it. Once the door slid open, I hit the “close door” button, and as soon as they shut, I began sobbing.
“Are you alright?” I just about jumped out of my skin. It was my neighbor, Melissa.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize anyone was in here.” I wiped my face with my hand.
“I was just coming up from the garage. Is there anything I can do for you, hon?” She rubbed my shoulder.
“No, thank you. I had a fight with my boyfriend.”
“Well, if there is anything…” The elevator stopped and the door opened. I bolted off, only to see Henry leaning against my door. For a moment I was confused, but then I realized he must have run up the stairs.
“Elaina, can we talk about this?”
“Just go, Henry!” I saw Melissa walk past very slow, intending to listen to our argument. She was so fucking nosey. My hands were shaking so much that I struggled to get my keys out of my purse. I couldn’t even unlock the door.
When I was finally able to get the door unlocked, Henry threw his arm across the door frame before I could dive in. “Elaina…I don’t want to lose you over something so stupid.”
“It’s not stupid to me. Now, if you will excuse me.” I tried to duck under his arm, but he moved his big body in front of me. I grumbled in frustration. I was seconds from decking him.
“I just want you to hear me when I say that I love you more than you could understand, and I will fight for you with every ounce of my soul.” He moved out of the way and headed back for the stairs. I slammed my door shut. After I locked it, I fell to the floor and I sobbed like I had never sobbed before. My chest and my sides hurt. I felt nauseous, and I wanted to curl up and die. In that moment, I realized I was hopelessly in love with him. I didn’t want to exist without Henry, but if I had to, I would.