“Maybe we should just not look for any more,” I mumbled as I sat next to him in the middle of the back seat. He whipped around and glared at me. I thought he was going to tear me limb from limb.
“I need it,” he snarled. “Why would you say that?”
“I hate it.”
“Do you think I enjoy this by any means?”
“Sometimes I wonder.” I crossed my arms and leaned toward Thomas.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Oh, the joys of “Drunk Angry Henry”. Claire turned around, feeling the tension.
“No, I’m not! I’ve seen you get all giddy and act like you’re enjoying yourself.” There was dead silence.
“Pull the truck over, Nick.” Henry’s voice was calm and scary. Nick looked at me in the rearview mirror, asking for approval. I nodded back at him. Before he could put the truck in park, Henry jumped out and grabbed my arm. “Come on!” he demanded.
“No!” I resisted, and yanked my arm away from his cold, clammy hands.
“Yes! Let’s have this out right fucking now!” he yelled with grave intensity.
“Fine,” I growled. He stormed off, walking toward the tall, grassy field. As I got out of the truck, I heard Nick and Claire exchange a few words.
“I swear to you, Claire, if he hurts one hair on her head, I will fucking kill him.”
“He won’t. He would never hurt her physically. He may hurt her every other way, but he would never lay a hand on her.”
Henry stopped about a hundred feet away from the truck and waited for me. I followed with my arms crossed, ready to deflect anything that he was going to throw at me.
“What the fuck is your problem?!” he yelled when I was close enough to feel his anger. He was pretty much spitting mad, as was I.
“The bottle…that’s my fucking problem!”
“How many times do I need to explain this to you?! How many, Elaina?! Please fill me in so I can cross them off each time we have this discussion because one day you will stop!”
“If you don’t stop, I won’t stop!” I stepped right into his chest and gave him my angriest glare. Fucking asshole. Raging loony or not, I wasn’t going to stand there and take his venom.
“I can’t fucking help it! I need it or I will be even sicker. I will hurt more! I can’t hurt more...I can’t do it.” He looked a little panicked, thinking about the pain that was to come when he did have to stop. He grabbed at his far too long hair, and pulled.
“Do you realize what you are doing to us?”
He snapped his head back around to me. “Yes! Don’t you think I see what my fucked up self is doing? Don’t you think that I know exactly what’s transpiring?”
“Sometimes I wonder!” We were both shouting with our arms flailing around. He took a deep breath and stepped back. He looked down at his feet, obviously ashamed.
“I’m not ready to stop.”
“When are you going to be ready? When you die?” I poked him in the chest. “I don’t want this for you!”
“I don’t want it, either! It’s not as easy as putting a cap on it and walking away!” He was screaming at me once again. The next thing that I said hurt me as much as it hurt him, but it needed to be said.
“Every time you lift that fucking bottle to your lips, you take one step further away from us.” His body sagged, knowing that I was right.
“Elaina…I love you.”
“You surely have a fucked up way of showing it to me!” My fists were clenched at my sides.
“I’m so sorry.” He looked as if he was about to cry. I had to turn around because the pain in his eyes was damn near killing me. I felt his body get close to mine, and his hands rested on my shoulders. I wanted to step away, but I couldn’t. “I’m sorry I ended up like this. I’m sorry that what you want from me is something I can’t give you right now. I’m sorry about it all. God, I love you so much. It kills me that I am doing this to you.”
I covered my face with my hands. He wrapped his arms around me and turned me into his chest. I stood there for a few moments, resisting his affection, but then I wrapped my arms around his waist.
“I’m so sorry, love.” His voice cracked, and he rested his chin on the top of my head. He took a deep breath and his body shook. “I don’t fucking deserve you one bit,” he whispered.
We stood there for a few more minutes, before heading back to the truck. I jumped into the back seat in my usual spot when Henry wasn’t driving. He got in next to me and closed the door, turning his big body toward the window. We were so close, but so far away from one another.